


You Kill Me

by notslickchrome



Category: The Killers (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 43,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26165380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notslickchrome/pseuds/notslickchrome
Summary: Emma is the lead singer of the band "The Paper Airplanes." Unfortunately, that band was victimized by one of Brandon Flowers' sassy outbreaks in 2007. Since then, TPA has not forgiven The Killers as a whole....That is until both bands find that a lot has changed since 2007. Including Brandon's girlfriend and now Emma's new feelings towards him.
Relationships: Brandon Flowers/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	1. prologue

2007 was great for the Paper Airplanes. We were gaining quick success after releasing our self-titled album and we were about to go on our first bus tour. All four of us were happy. The interview with Brandon Flowers was just an obstacle in our road.

Interviewer: What do you think about up and coming band, The Paper Airplanes? They're gaining quick success just as The Killers have.

Flowers: No offense, but they're ridiculous! I don't get why they wear the face paint. I haven't even heard their music-- what's the point? I don't think I could stand it!

We were all furious, of course. Jake, our lead guitarist/my brother, especially. Jake looked up to The Killers, he was mystified by their live performances and spent a lot of his childhood listening to their music. He was a victim -- that became a literal victim.

Immediately after reading the interview, he ran to his room, tore down all his Killers posters and snapped all their CDs in half. We had to stop him before he went for his Hot Fuss vinyl. Our bassist, Quinn, actually held it in a safe so he wouldn't get to it, just in case Jake changed his mind and the vinyl had value again. I remember hearing Jake cry through the night. At that point, I couldn't care less about what Brandon Flowers had to say about us, I just cared that he destroyed my brother.

Jake had gotten better over the years, he had to, but I don't think he's ever been the same. Whenever Mr.Brightside was on the radio, he'd change the station. If it played in public, he'd leave no matter the cost. Same with any other Killers' song. "Properly triggered by The Killers," as Will, our drummer, put it.

In the years after the incident, people liked to tell us that Brandon had "changed" and that "he's that bad of a guy." Which is a load of horse shart because there's not a single sign that he's tried to reach out to us. Until he did, of course.


	2. Chapter 2

With three albums and many, many interviews Jake declined later, The Paper Airplanes were on a tour bus heading to Las Vegas, Nevada.

Jake laid on a couch, a pillow over his face. I sat on the couch across from him, flicking through the band's Twitter. "Why do we have to be here?" He groaned.

"There are paper airplane fans in Vegas too, you know, we'd be letting them down if we never came here because you're a triggered weasel," I murmured.

"I wish they'd stop listening to us," Jake stated blankly.

"On Spotify, they're our third top listeners on Spotify with half a million listens, we would lose our house."

"More like we'd lose Will's Camaro."

Will appeared from the back of the bus, "and I would force you to listen to The Killers' entire discography if you cost me Gertrude."

Jake lifted the pillow off his face, "anyone who names their Camaro 'Gertrude' does not deserve a Camaro."

Will walked over to Jake and threw himself on top of him. "It's irony," Will said as Jake struggled underneath him.

"Get off, fat ass!" Jake yelled.

"You shouldn't have insulted Gertrude."

"I didn't insult it!"

"It? Excuse you, she's a she!" Will grabbed the pillow from Jake and put it over his face. Jake fought harder until they both tumbled onto the ground. I simply pulled my feet up onto the couch as they wrestled on the floor. Quinn emerged from his hiding place, took one look at the mess and turned around to go back.

Eventually, Will had Jake's head shoved in the carpet. "Tell me I'm the world's greatest percussionist!" Will demanded.

"Go to hell!" Jake growled.

"Do it or I'll break your neck and send your head to Battle Born Studios!"

Jake struggled a little more until Will twisted his arm further behind his back, causing him to whimper. "You're the greatest percussionist in the world!" Jake cried.

"Say it again!" Will grunted.

"You're a sick fu-- ow! Shit, you're the greatest percussionist in the world!"

Will let go of Jake and sat next to me. "I should kick your ass for hurting my brother," I told him, watching as Jake scurried off being the curtains, "but we both know if I had the motivation I'd have done it in the womb."

This banter fizzled down over the course of the day. Soon, we were sound checking and becoming a band people could actually take seriously. When we were in that headspace, it was time for the actual performance.

****

"Congrats on not mentioning your undying hatred for The Killers tonight," I told Jake post-performance as we stepped back onto our tour bus.

He switched from content guitarist to bitch, "I deserve a cookie, honestly, there were so many opportunities to just -- let them have it." Will and Quinn filed in behind him, shaking their heads and rolling their eyes.

Our manager, George, then stepped on the bus, laptop tucked under his arm. "Hey guys, I think you should see this e-mail I got during the show." He handed Jake the laptop and opened it up on a table. The rest of the band crowded around him.

It was an e-mail from Brandon Flowers.

"Oh this is just fucking brilliant," Jake snorted. "It's like he fucking knows someone's out there talking shit about him."

Dear Paper Airplanes,

I'm so sorry it took so long to reach out to you, but I couldn't find contact with you or your management until a while ago. I would like to apologize to you guys and perhaps meet up for lunch tomorrow, please contact me at the number below so we can arrange plans.

-Brandon Flowers from the Killers

"Unreal," I managed, unsure what emotion I needed to feel.

"This is -- this is crazy," Will mumbled.

Clearly overwhelmed, Jake walked over to the couch and contemplated his entire life. "What do we do?" He whimpered, then started mumbling to himself, "so he does care -- he has been trying."

Will looked at me, "call him," he said with a bit of urgency.

I looked back at him, completely confused, "why should I call him?"

"Because you're the only one who can socialize."

I glared at the rest of the band, accessing what I was working with. Jake was a hair from being hysterical, Will looked like he wanted to hide in a cave forever and Quinn -- well, Quinn was just never up for any social interaction.

I sighed heavily, "fine." I pulled out my phone and shakily scrolled down on the laptop so that Brandon's number was in sight. I tapped it into my phone and put it on speaker as it rang. The boys gathered behind me as we listened to my phone ring and ring, until finally --

"Hello?"

I was so shocked by the low, sleepy voice I almost hung up. "Hi-hello- is this Brandon?" I managed to say.

"Yup."

Quinn and Will now both had their hands over Jake's face, who was flailing as if he was having a seizure.

"Uh-yeah, this is the lead singer of the Paper Airplanes -- we got your e-mail," I spoke, gnawing on the inside of my lip.

"Ohh! So are you all up for going out? Your pick!" Brandon exclaimed, his voice recovering from the sleepiness it was soaked in before.

Jake somehow managed to free himself from Will and Quinn's grip. "You made us suffer for this long, so you're going to take us to some place nice!" He snapped.

I stared at him wide-eyed as Brandon laughed on the other line. "Okay, what do you feel like?"

We all made eye contact with each other and before we could agree on something, Jake spoke up, "take us to a buffet on the strip."

"A-a buffet?" Brandon questioned.

"A buffet! I want to eat on your money until my food baby is big enough to forgive you!"

"Okay...which one?"

Jake looked at us, "name a famous Vegas thing."

"Umm...the Mirage?" I said.

"Flamiiingooo," Quinn followed up.

"Caesar's Palace," Will ended.

Jake closed his eyes and "eeny, meeny, miny, moe"d until he landed on Will. "Caesar's Palace," Jake grumbled into the phone.

Brandon laughed again, "okay -- what time are you guys free? I know you're on tour -- you must be busy."

We all looked at each other again, which was also pointless again because Jake spoke for us... again. "Fuck sound check, we die like men!" He stated, slapping the back of his hand onto the palm of the other, "six o'clock -- be there or be square, Flowers."


	3. Chapter 3

We arrived at Caesar's Palace at 5:30 and became lost very quickly. "Jake, this was a terrible idea," I mumbled, scanning the signs above us hoping for direction.

"It was a heat of the moment thing!" Jake retorted.

"You could have just suggested a McDonald's or something."

"I want to eat on Brandon Flowers's tab, Emma, and I want to eat a lot."

After wandering for 45 minutes, Brandon called at 6:15. I answered.

"You guys are running a little late -- are you okay?" He asked. His gentle voice and genuine concern made me want to end my life.

"We're -- we're a little lost," I croaked.

He giggled. Anyone would think I'm joking if I told them the frontman of a world-famous-rock-band giggled into my ear via phone. "I can help you out," he offered.

"Alright... I suppose so," I decided reluctantly. 

He guided us using oddly specific landmarks until we were stood outside the buffet. "Okay, now where are you?"

"Behind you, I think."

I spun around and faced a scarily handsome man on his phone. He grinned at me, showing a set of teeth that said he was rich enough to fix whatever rock and roll did to him. I shakily hung up. "So you four must be the Paper Airplanes," he said then extended his hand. "Brandon Flowers."

I shook his hand, "Emma Dexter," I replied, not exactly sure how I was supposed to act around a person as casually extravagant as the one shaking my hand. The boys introduced themselves and shook his hand as well, just as taken back.

A bearded man appeared behind him. "Well shit, I would have never guessed you guys were TPA!" He exclaimed. "I'm Ronnie, the drummer, also sometimes Brandon's legal guardian." Brandon laughed sheepishly in response and we all slowly made our way into the line.

"I just want to say right off the bat, I'm so sorry for what I said back in the day," Brandon started. "I should have known what kind of effect it could have on you guys."

I thought Jake would have fallen over, he was shaking so badly. "I also regret what he said! I thought you guys had a sound -- who's the drummer?" Ronnie added.

"I-I am," Will responded.

"You're good dude! You're really good."

"I am?"

"Hell yeah -- I looked up a live performance after Brandon shit on you and damn -- even back then you were good! So were the rest of you!"

We were all shocked. The band we hated for years was complimenting us in a buffet line -- it was surreal.

Eventually, we were at the cashier and were watching Brandon pay for all six of us. Before the host led us to our table, someone insisted on taking our picture -- which was the last thing TPA needed -- physical evidence of us collectively having a meltdown. Still, we bundled up together, Brandon wrapping an arm around my shoulder, killing me instantly before the picture.

****

Jake was not kidding about eating as much as he could on Brandon's money. He was six plates in while the five of us watched, dying even after eating a reasonable amount.

"Wow -- I guess he's eating for us," Brandon joked as Jake sucked a crab leg. He shifted his attention to Will, Quinn and me. "So how's the tour going?"

"Pretty great," Will answered. "It's the biggest one we've done."

"We've been to places we didn't even know existed," Quinn chuckled nervously.

"Well, I was thinking of doing a bigger tour for my solo record -- but my girlfriend's not really into it," Brandon said a bit sadly.

I didn't know why, but I was bothered by his girlfriend after hearing one sentence about her. Ronnie seemed just as disgruntled, if not more. "God, can you please not bring her up?" He groaned.

"Ron, please, I love her," Brandon snapped.

"Listen, a piece of advice from an older band -- don't let a significant other get in the way of what you want to do," Ronnie continued.

"Natalie's not getting in the way!" Brandon protested.

"NaTAliE's nOt GeTtInG iN thE wAY!" Ronnie mocked.

Brandon pouted, "she needs me, that's all."

I wanted to vomit -- that's when it hit me. I was developing some kind of feelings for Brandon. Jake seemed to sense it before me because he was glaring at me over another plate of crab legs.

Oh hell no, Emma, put those feelings back where they came from, I told myself. He's unbelievably attractive -- that means there are at least 1,000 other people with the same feelings -- including his girlfriend.

"Oh, so how long have you been together?" I asked because apparently, I wanted to really torture myself.

"Since 2011 -- she really changed my life -- you don't meet many people as special as her," Brandon sighed dreamily.

"Speeeciaaal," Ronnie mocked again in a nasal voice.

I had to stop myself from bursting out into laugher. Brandon shot Ronnie an angry look. "Jealousy is a terrible look on you, Ronald!" He snapped.

Ronnie shrugged, "listen man, love whoever you want, I'll support you -- but that doesn't mean I have to like the person."

Brandon turned his attention to us again. "Don't listen to him, I'm certain you'd all love Natalie if you met her."

"I'm sure we would," Quinn muttered, sipping his water while side-eyeing me.

****

"Jake, you had enough to eat?" Brandon chuckled as we stepped out of the buffet.

"Yes, yes," he breathed, patting his stomach.

"Do you forgive me?"

Jake sighed and looked Brandon up and down. "I suppose."

Brandon cheered a little. "If you guys are ever in Vegas again, make sure to give us a call."

"Make sure to give us a call if you're ever around," Will smiled.

I guess after that -- we were officially on good terms with The Killers.


	4. Chapter 4

Two months passed after our meeting with Brandon and Ronnie. In those two months, we toured more places and even let people know about the meeting -- but things just couldn't be in perfect harmony.

I might have said things that led people to believe I "liked" Brandon. Which truthfully wasn't an incorrect belief. Who wouldn't like Brandon? Attractive, soft personality, kind -- it'd be more dramatic if I didn't like him. The boys weren't too happy that I spun our relation to The Killers in the opposite direction.

We were at our home in Seattle, Washington, reviewing the past couple of months. "If it's not an article about our music -- it's about Emma and Brandon!" Jake scowled, aggressively scrolling through his phone.

"It's better than I negative review, right?" I tried to compromise.

"Um? Fuck you?" Jake sassed. "Let me read this out loud to you--"

He proceeded to read probably the most controversial article about Brandon and me.

"-- When the pop-punk star was asked about ending the feud between her band, The Paper Airplanes and famous The Killers, she seemed rather hesitant to answer. Saying, 'Yeah, it's over,' and nothing else. We decided to no longer tip-toe around it and asked, "it's been said that you might have a crush on Brandon Flowers -- can you elaborate on that." She was clearly holding something back, vaguely answering with, 'people can talk, they always talk,'."

"Jake, you know they were just trying to bait our fans and The Killers's," I sighed.

Jake glared at me, "you could have just told them straight up 'no'."

I groaned, "you know I can't do that -- even you wouldn't do that."

"The difference is that you being with Brandon is more believable."

"He has a girlfriend!"

"A girlfriend that everyone hates -- literally, Emma, no one fucking likes her! Now everyone's looking at you to replace her."

"Wow, Jake, you seem really invested in this."

Jake flipped out, "I have to be because I'm our social media manager!"

That was the thing about TPA, our team was a little dodgy. For the first few years of our existence, we were certain that we could take on the industry without a label or a management -- and we really could have if we wanted to stay as popular as we were. Then we decided to do actual band shit and went out to find someone that will let us have as much freedom as we wanted. It was granted, but there were parts of a management's essentials that were left out -- including a functional PR manager. Our PR manager didn't give a shit about what we said as long as it wouldn't make people...politically angry. So, social things like The Killers feud were all up to us to handle and Jake took the responsibility of doing so.

"Emma, we can't have people focus on this if it's going to distract from our music!" Jake whined.

"C'mon Jakey, maybe this will do us good," I shrugged.

He huffed, "whatever, but when you're known as 'that girl who almost fucked Brandon Flowers' in three years, don't expect me to dig you out of that hole." He stormed downstairs and I was left to think about the mess I was getting myself into.

****

We found ourselves in Vegas again for shows we were doing on the west coast only. Of course, I was thinking of Brandon, but I couldn't let anyone know that. I wasn't going to text him or acknowledge his existence until -- he texted me himself.

Hey Emma, saw you were in town! Do you want to meet up maybe?

I cringed. The text looked like he wanted to have a quicky with me though I knew those weren't his intentions. Despite this, I still texted him back.

I don't know, people are still talking -- I don't want to be predictable and be seen with you :/

His response was oddly flirty -- a little too comfortable.

Aw, embarrassed to be seen with me in public? Damn. Can I just come to you?

I thought of Brandon in my hotel room for a second and got chills. What would we even do besides talk -- or fuck? I was too embarrassed to shut him down, so I gave him the details of the hotel and what room I was staying in -- and hoped that his girlfriend wouldn't come with him and kill me.

Be ready in 30 minutes ;)

I pretended I didn't know what a winking smiley face entailed.

He showed up in the 30 minutes he promised. The first thing I noticed and probably shouldn't have was his chest. I realized Brandon Flowers was a slut when I saw that he had 3 whole buttons undone on his shirt, the Nevada necklace I didn't see before just dangling over the exposed skin.

"Hello, Brandon," I greeted, trying so hard for it not to come out as, "hellOOOOOOOo, Brandon."

He giggled (as per-fucking-usual), "hi."

"Come in, come in, don't mind the mess," I said, letting him step in. I had cleaned enough of the room to give him the impression that I wasn't a slob, but not enough to give him the impression that I would clean for him.

I went to turn off the music that was playing in the background when he spoke, "No, leave it on, I want to know what you listen to." I nervously stepped away from the speaker -- what if he didn't like the music I listened to?

He sat on my couch and I slowly sat beside him. "So, after Natalie went to bed last night, I watched a couple of your performances," he spoke, "and I loved it! You always get the same amazing reaction from the crowd."

"Oh yeah -- it's pretty cool," I chuckled awkwardly. "Most of our fans kind of come off shy -- but in the audience, they're pretty insane."

"Gosh, it's incredible -- and your song writing? Way different from mine -- but it works so well! I kind of love it."

Oh no, he's giving me such a boner. He's doing the one thing that would push me over the edge -- complimenting my art, I thought. "Nothing I'll write will ever come close to Mr.Brightside," I sighed.

"It's not the best," he blushed.

"No, it really is, even when you hated us we wanted to cover it."

"Aw, I never really hated you guys."

"Sure didn't feel like that."

"Well, I didn't -- I was just jealous that you all seemed so confident on stage -- especially you."

I was speechless and so close to kissing him, I could hear any fan who wanted us together gasping.

He continued, "ah, I wish I could talk to Natalie about this stuff -- every time I talk to her about music it goes in one ear and out the other."

I wanted to open my mini bar and take all the overpriced shots in it. "I'm glad to be here for you," I managed.

"Wait, Emma -- do you have a boyfriend -- or girlfriend, whatever."

I coughed, "no -- n-neither."

I wanted to die when he gave me a look of surprise. "Are you pulling my leg?"

"I'm really not..."

"Wow -- that's -- that's a big shock to me."

An Awkward silence fell over us and as if God himself wanted to make the interaction more awkward, my music was in the middle of "FallingForYou" by The 1975.

I read between the lines and touched your leg again  
I'll take it one day at a time  
Soon you will be mine, oh, but I want you now -- I want you now

He just sat there, staring at me intensely as if the lyrics pouring softly out of my speakers weren't incredibly intimate.

When the smoke is in your eyes, you look so alive  
Do you fancy sitting down with me? Maybe  
'Cause you're all I need.

My heart raced with the beat of the song. Brandon continued staring, not in the way that said he had blanked out -- he was still there --focusing on me and the song.

According to your heart  
My place is not deliberate  
Feeling of your arms

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, rolling his head back a little. Though he looked too sexual for me to ever stay calm, I was glad he wasn't staring at me anymore.

I don't want to be your friend,   
I want to kiss your neck.

The line hit me so hard, I physically twitched. Oh shit, I want to kiss Brandon's neck. Everyone's right, I want to kiss his fucking neck, shit, I thought, looking at Brandon still lost in his own little world.

He slowly opened his eyes at the end of the song and with them locked on mine, he said, "this song reminds me of Natalie."

"I'm going to mcfucking lose it," I blurted.

"What?"

"Nothing, I said I'm glad you like it."

He grinned and rested his hands behind his head. "I've never heard it before, what's it called?"

"Falling For You..."

"Aw -- reminds me so much of Natalie, I had the biggest crush on her before we dated, it was crazy."

I accidentally let out a gag.

He widened his eyes at me, "I'm sorry, I know I'm sappy."

"Just a little," I coughed.

****

Hours after Brandon left and I was tossing and turning in bed in the early morning, I pulled out my phone. I scanned some theories about Brandon and me, making my heart sink a little more than it already had been. Shakily I composed a tweet and tapped out--

"I don't want to be your friend, I wanna kiss your neck."

Knowing that everyone will interpret it exactly how I did. I was a sucker for Brandon and he was going to destroy me.


	5. Chapter 5

Somehow, one of Brandon solo gigs in California matched up with one of TPA's in the same city. I couldn't ignore it, especially when Brandon and the band were checked into the same hotel and Brandon was enthusiastically texting me about it.

Emma! Your show is a full day after mine!!! Please come to mine. It'd be so nice to have you there.

I audibly sighed, gaining stares from the boys.

Only if you can get TPA passes ;)

I asketh and he delivereth. 15 minutes after my text he was at our hotel room with four passes to his show. Quinn, Will, and Jake accepted them gladly, but when Brandon left expressed their confusion.

"What in the fuck?" Jake snorted, looking at his pass. "Did you suck his dick?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "He just wanted us to come, that's all."

"Yeah, well, now we have to get him to come to our gig."

"Hell no! I couldn't do that -- I'd shit my pants live!" Will whimpered. "I'd be less nervous performing for the queen."

I rested my hand on Will's shoulder. "William, Brandon is the queen."

****

So there we were sitting on the side of the stage of a Brandon Flowers concert as if we were important people. "This is so fucking weird," Jake whispered every 5 minutes into each of TPA's ears. He switched it up once halfway through when he asked me, "Are you sure you didn't suck his dick?" I elbowed him in the stomach in response.

When it was over and Brandon gave his grand finale, he quickly walked off stage and passed us. "What now?" Jake mumbled, looking at the rest of us. "Do we follow him?"

I shrugged before standing up, "I guess so." We awkwardly shuffled in his direction and were greeted with him stripping off his jacket that was without a doubt worth more than the sales we made off our first album.

"I wasn't gay before, but I certainly am now," Will grumbled. "God bless thin fabric." Quinn punched him in the arm immediately after. I was just glad I wasn't the only one who noticed that Brandon's undershirt was a little see through.

Brandon turned around to face us, wiping the sweat off his face. "Hey guys, did you enjoy the show?"

"Yeah, it was great," Jake grinned, being the only one not distracted by Brandon's being. "Um -- we were thinking about inviting you to our show tomorrow..."

The whole band tensed, not only because we were awaiting his response but also because he began unbuttoning his shirt. "I'd love to!" Brandon exclaimed. "You can never go wrong with a free concert."

"Awesome -- Emma can get you the pass," Jake said, which snapped me out of my trance.

"I'm gonna who-what?" I blubbered.

"You're gonna give Brandon a pass to our show so he doesn't have to mosh with the emos," Jake repeated, shooting daggers into me with his eyes. I returned a look that said, "why me?" and he continued, "...because the guys and I are going out after this."

"Ohh," I breathed, "yeah, okay -- Brandon, you're going back to the hotel after this, right?"

He looked at me with an eyebrow arched and his lips pouted and his abs ou -- goddamn, this guy really was a living model -- anyhow, he said, "yes -- I'm, uh, not much of a partier," he then flashed me a smile, which was so pure and innocent it simmered down my need to bone him in front of my brother and bandmates.

****

I ended up at the hotel before Brandon as he wanted to meet fans outside the venue -- which was cool except for the fact that I was left with the images of his bare upper body in my head. 30 minutes of staring at a blank wall trying to process my night, there was a knock on my door. I stood from my bed and looked through the peephole -- there Brandon was, standing in his own band merch, somehow very cutely. I opened the door.

"Hi, Emma!" He greeted with a huge grin.

"Um, hi," I laughed awkwardly, confused as to why he had that much energy after a concert and meeting fans. "Come in."

I let him in and for some reason, he thought it was okay to just jump onto my bed -- not that it wasn't. He rolled over and sat up, "join me," he coaxed.

I looked up at the ceiling and sighed as if the sigh could float directly up to God himself and show him what the fuck he's done. I climbed onto the bed next to Brandon.

"Be honest," he muttered, looking up at me with his big-ass hazel eyes, "did you really enjoy the performance?"

I snorted, "of course I did, Brandon."

He smiled, "just making sure."

15 minutes into sexual tension and chill, his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the call, "Oh, it's Natalie, I have to take this."

He didn't even bother to walk out of the room, he just answered it right next to me. "Hey babe," he said in an oddly deeper voice. "Yes the show is over -- I mean, how else would I be taking this call." His expression switched from his natural happy look to a serious frown. "I'm sorry...I know you told me to call you after each show...please, baby, don't be mad...I'm sorry...I just forgot...I'm sorry...I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Now, I didn't hear a single word on Natalie's end but I was mad. I didn't bother to hide my distress, either. I sat there with my arms crossed, glaring at Brandon until he hung up with, "I'm sorry -- I love yo-- oh." He looked at me and it looked like there were tears welling in his eyes. He blinked and put his phone away. "What's wrong?" He asked me.

I shook my head, trying to get out of my angry state of mind. "Nothing, nothing -- are things okay with Natalie?" I huffed.

He let out a long sigh and tipped his head back as if he was trying not to cry again. "It's just me touring is hard on her, you know?" He sniffled. "I try to call her every night after the show like she asks, but I can't help missing a few nights." Then he was genuinely crying. "I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly, wiping the tears from his eyes with his palms. "I don't know why I'm crying -- it's always like this."

I was speechless. There was a part of me who just wanted to whisper, "you know I would never do this to you," into his ear, but the realistic part of me stopped myself. I sucked in a deep breath before telling Brandon what I thought he might want to hear, "I'm sure things will work out."

He hunched forward, covering his eyes and softly crying more. "I know that -- at least I think I know that -- I'm just so scared of losing her."

I slowly reached forward and rested my hand flat on his back. Shakily, I moved it up and down and am at comforting him. "I'm sure she loves you as much as you love her," I croaked, not believing myself one bit.

He tossed himself backward, trapping my hand between his back and the pillow. I decided to leave it there and snake my arm around his back. Awkwardly I pulled myself closer to him. Unexpected to me, he rested his head on my shoulder. "She'd be so mad if she saw this," he mumbled, "but I really need it."

I don't know how long I held him but it was enough time for me to realize I needed it just as much as he did. "Can I stay in your room tonight?" He whispered.

"I mean -- if you want," I said hesitantly.

He nuzzled his head in my shoulder and took a deep breath before pulling back. "I'm going to get my stuff," he breathed, looking significantly more sleepy than he did before breaking down.

"Okay," I replied softly -- because I felt like I needed to be constantly soft towards someone like Brandon. He stood from my bed and walked out of the room.

****

Brandon returned with his suitcase. "This can be like a sleepover!" He giggled as I let him back in the room.

"Ha ha, yeah," I gulped as he set down his suitcase. I watched as he grabbed a pair of underwear and pajama pants from it, along with a toothbrush and toothpaste.

"I'm gonna ready for bed," he announced and rushed into the bathroom. I took a deep breath trying to comprehend what I had gotten myself into.

I sat in bed until he emerged 15 minutes later, looking so adorable I had the urge to throw Natalie off a cliff. I stood, "Um, make yourself comfortable -- I guess I'll also, uh, get ready."

He nodded and I walked over to my suitcase and got everything I needed. I stepped into the bathroom, changed into my sleepwear and contemplated my life as I brushed my teeth. Brandon Flowers was in my bed, probably forcing himself to stay awake, looking as soft as he's ever been.

I spit and looked at myself in the mirror. "You will not be a homewrecker," I growled, stabbing a finger at my reflection. I took a couple of deep breaths and returned to my bed -- where Brandon had literally tucked himself in.

"Come join me," he yawned when he saw me.

I gulped and made my way to the bed, then crawled into the spot next to him. "Geez, you're warm," I blurted when I felt the heat radiating off him.

"I'm just a warm blooded person," he grinned. A shocked small gasp escapes me as he rested his head on my shoulder. I tensed more as he gripped onto my arm and nuzzled further into me. "I'm sorry for being so clingy," he whispered, not pulling away from me. 

I looked down at him. I had to admit, he was pretty cute cuddling me. "It's okay," I assured. 

"I know we don't really know each other -- but I really need someone."

I let out a deep breath and took it upon myself to run my fingers through his hair. "It's okay," I repeated, "I understand."

"Thank you," he muttered then slowly began to close his eyes. In a matter of minutes, I had a sleeping Brandon Flowers clinging to me. I sighed, I really had gotten myself into some shit.


	6. Chapter 6

When I awoke from my own slumber, around eight in the morning, Brandon wasn't in the bed. I looked around the room to try to find him. Then, in a sleepy haze decided that he had left and that I needed to piss. I stood from the bed and made my way to the bathroom where I found Brandon. Now, I know I should have just gone back to bed, but my subconscious refused to let me move because I was drawn to -- the moans emerging from the room. The door was cracked open wide enough that I could see Brandon without any effort at all. I wanted to turn away -- but I really couldn't. I couldn't erase what entered my eyesight either. His shirt was removed and his pants were pulled down just enough to reveal himself.

He was so fit -- oh my fucking God, if he wasn't it would have been so much easier to turn away. With heart racing, I watched as he ran his left hand up and down his torso, his right hand stroking himself. His head was tilted back and his lips were parted, desperate moans slipping from them.

You're invading his privacy! My mind yelled. This is so creepy...so goddamn creepy...

"Natalie," he moaned quietly, moving his right hand moving faster.

Even though he was about to bust a nut to his awful girlfriend, I was still buzzing. Literally buzzing from the adrenaline -- I was vibrating. 

His moaning intensified as well as his hand on himself. He bit his lip and sucked in a deep breath. I was completely frozen in place and captivated by him, so stimulated by what I was watching I was shaking.

"Ah! Emma you're gonna make me come!" He whimpered.

I was quaking. I had to replay the scene in my mind to make sure I wasn't hallucinating -- did he really say what I think he did? Was I going insane?

"Emma -- oh gosh -- so good," he moaned, saying my name once again confirming that I wasn't losing my mind.

He spilled onto himself, a satisfied smirk on his face. I quickly fled the scene, regretting everything I had just witnessed. An attractive man (with a girlfriend) just called my name when he came (while he had a girlfriend). I was so shaken that I didn't even pretend to be sleeping when Brandon emerged from the bathroom, clothed this time.

"Hey, you're awake!" He grinned as if he wasn't just fuckin' himself minutes before. "Good morning." I stayed sprawled out, my facial expression froze in shock. He tilted his head like a confused puppy, "are you okay, Emma?"

I couldn't even hear my own name from him the same way. I snapped out of it and dropped my shocked expression and moved over so Brandon could lay down. "I'm okay," I managed as he crawled into the bed. "Everything's good." I sat up and grabbed my phone. As I tapped to the group chat with the band, Brandon rested his head on my lap.

Me: hello?

Jake: morning

Me: morning

Me: okay so I caught Brandon jerking off and he said my name when he came

Jake: OMG I just laughed so hard it woke up the other guys

Will: yo what the fuck

Will: context please?

Me: so Brandon slept in my room last night and this morning I caught him jerking off in the bathroom

Jake: why did you stay long enough to watch him come?

Me: idk it was hot

Jake: FILTHY

Me: he said my name tho!!!! He was like "Emma you're gonna make me come!" And I was like hell yeah i am!

Will: DEAD. I'm DECEASED.

Jake: I still can't believe your creepy-ass stuck around and watched. A man with his penis in his hand is the most vulnerable man

Me: can we just cut the shit? I know it was creepy but what did it mean when he said my name?????

Brandon adjusted his head and looked up at me. "Who are you texting?" He asked sleepily.

"I-uh-just the band," I stammered, "just about some songs and stuff."

Jake: Brandon Flowers nutting to my own sister

Jake: never in my life would I have thought...

"Okay," Brandon responded softly and closed his eyes. I looked up at the ceiling and huffed -- the same sleepy boy laying on my lap was the same person who just jerked off to me.

Me: guys, he's just sleeping on my lap like a little puppy! The whole thing happened 5 minutes ago!!!!

Jake: you let him lay on you after nutting...you really are whipped.

Me: I can't say no! I'm not supposed to know what he's done...

Jake: I doubt the little incident even meant anything

Jake: was it a 'little' insistent 👀👀👀

Me: what do you mean it didn't mean anything? Bottom line: the dude fucked himself to me

Will: Emma, everyone nuts to things they shouldn't

Will: also tell us how big the incident was

Me: that's fucking ridiculous and upsettingly true also average, 6 inches

Will: damn. I just have to hope Ronnie lives up to my expectations of having a yard long dick

Will: tjtvffyhhyhk

Will: sorry, that was Quinn hitting me

Will: he agrees with me on the accidental nut part

Jake: the accidental nut part is true. I've gotten off to unspeakable things.

Will: please keep them unspoken 

Jake: are we done now? It's freaking me out texting will when we're in the same room.

Me: yes. Okay, bye. I'll see you when I see you.

I shut off my phone and looked down at Brandon. He looked innocent when he was awake and even more innocent asleep. I couldn't just let the moment pass -- how many times would I catch him sleeping in my lap? So I did something that would later reveal itself to be a stupid decision.


	7. Chapter 7

I took my phone out--

I snapped a picture of him--

I opened Twitter and posted the picture of Brandon with the caption, "what a fucking loser am I right?"

Seconds later a text from Jake came in. "Emma I'm gonna mcfucking eat myself alive if you don't take that picture down." Before I could respond, Brandon's phone started ringing on the opposite side of the bed. The contact name read "Natalie". I picked it up and dropped it on his stomach, "Wakey, wakey, incoming phone call!" I exclaimed.

Groggily and managed to answer. "Hello?" He mumbled. "Oh hi, Natal-- what picture? How do you know I was sleepin-- babe, calm down what are you talking -- on Twitter?" Brandon sat up and glared at me. At that point, I knew I fucked up.

"Natalie no! I didn't do anything with her -- I was just lonely last night!" Brandon cried out helplessly, standing from the bed. "I'm sorry! I didn't know she'd do that -- we're just friends anyway! Natalie, please -- babe. No don't hang up I'm so sorry. I love you, I love you, I love you, I would never do anything to hurt you--babe?"

He put his phone down, tears welling in his eyes. "Emma," he whimpered brokenly, "why would you do that?" At that point, he started sobbing.

"Brandon, no, I'm sorry -- I didn't know anything bad would happen," I tried pleading.

"It's too late!" He sobbed. "Now she's going t-to leave me! I'm gonna be all alone!" He dropped his head in his hands and began shaking uncontrollably. I didn't know what else to do besides stand up and hug him.

"Brandon -- no, I'm here -- I'm right here, you'll never be alone," I spat.

He struggled out of my arms and removed his hands from his face and shakily raised a hand to point at me. "It'll be your fault when she leaves me!" He growled.

I stood there, shocked that he even had the physical capacity to be that angry. All I could say was, "I'm sorry." It came out more broken and hurt than I expected, but it seemed to calm him down. The anger left his expression and it returned to hopelessness and sad again.

"It's my fault," he croaked, beginning to cry and shake again. He ran his hands through his hair and pulled. "It's my fault! It's my fault!" He fell to his knees and in a panic I fell with him, scooping him into my arms as if I didn't just break him.

"It's not," I shakily whispered into his ear, trying to soothe him. "It's my fault, you're right."

He clung to me, gasping for breath, snot and tears flying everywhere. "I did this to myself," he heaved, "I'm a bad person, Emma, I'm such a bad person, Natalie is right."

I ignored the rush of anger I felt towards, "I'm such a bad person, Natalie is right," and mumbled, "No, you're such a good person -- everything you've done is amazing -- I'm not worthy to have you in my arms right now."

He shook his head, "no, I do such bad things, Emma."

Then I realized that he thought this was all happening to him because he got off to me. I held him a bit tighter, "no, you're incredible, Brandon," I murmured. "I'm going to take down the Tweet, okay? It's going to be okay."

"She does bad things to me because I keep betraying her, Emma, I deserve this."

I refrained from telling him that I wanted to throw Natalie in a garbage disposal where she belonged. "Brandon -- you only deserve good things. It's going to be okay. I'm going to delete the tweet and everything's going to be okay."

"Emma you don't know her," Brandon whimpered. "It's not gonna be okay."

I clenched my fist. "I'm going to make sure it will be."

****

Brandon stayed with me until he calmed down to this odd, numb state. "Are you sure you'll be okay?" I asked him as he was heading out the door.

"Yeah," he replied, emotionless. "Thanks for letting me stay over."

"It was wonderful, thanks for being here."

He gave me a small smile and left. Once he was definitely gone, I was ready to scream. I picked up my phone and immediately deleted my tweet (which no doubt had been screenshotted over and over, so it wasn't like it was gone forever). I then angrily threw on a socially acceptable outfit and headed to the boys' room.

I knocked on their door urgently and as soon as Quinn opened it, I exclaimed, "Y'all, I've ruined myself!"

"Uh-oh," Quinn muttered as I stepped passed him.

"What happened other than the fact that everyone is celebrating the death of Brandon and Natalie's relationship," Jake mumbled, unfazed and staring down at his phone, laying in bed.

"That's the thing -- Natalie is the worst," I grunted.

"That's just common knowledge, Emma," Jake sighed.

"Natalie called him immediately after I tweeted to accuse him of cheating and he had a mental breakdown! He sobbed -- in my arms," I ranted.

"Damn, that sucks."

"I'm gonna kick her ass, Jacob."

He looked up from his phone, "please don't do that, we will never recover."

I ran over to his bed and dove face first into it next to him. "Jake, I'm so worried for him -- he kept, like, hinting that Natalie -- that Natalie's this awful being towards him."

I felt Jake jump a little. I looked up at him and noticed that his eyes had widened. "What is it?" I questioned. "Why do you look like that?"

"It--It's nothing, Emma, it r-really isn't," Jake stammered.

"Don't lie, I'll make Will kick your ass."

"Alright -- there's this, like -- conspiracy, that Natalie abuses Brandon -- but it doesn't mean anything, it's just this fan thing..."

"Jake...tell me about this conspiracy."

Jake grew more uncomfortable, "well -- sometimes Brandon has these scratches. I saw pictures, Emma, they were almost deep cuts. He kept saying his dog did it or something -- but with this super detailed research -- it's kind of creepy -- with this fan research...they found out he doesn't have a dog and that the scratches were too long to be accidental." Jake slowly looked at me with a sad gaze. "They think the reason why he sticks with her...is that he can't do anything else."

I was feeling too many emotions to speak. I paused, staring at Jake. "Emma?" He croaked. "What are you thinking?"

"Jacob...I'm gonna get him out," I murmured blankly.

"No -- you don't know what she's capable of -- there's been so many other 'Emma's in his life, people that fans thought could stop her -- but they can't. Even Ronnie was trying."

"What stops them?"

"No one knows."

I stared blankly ahead.

"Oh great, Jake, you fucking clown, she's gonna try to save the world now," Will groaned.


	8. Chapter 8

I didn't see Brandon the entire day until he showed up at our show pretending like nothing was wrong, though his exterior proved otherwise. He walked with a less confident posture, his skin was paler than usual, his eyes looked tired, his sleeves were rolled unevenly, his hair was messy and there were many more things.

"Are you okay?" Jake asked him about 10 minutes before we were to go one.

Brandon rubbed his eye. "Yeah," he murmured in an empty tone -- a very non-Brandon tone, "just a little tired."

Jake and I exchanged glances. "Well, okay. If you need anything just ask an emo, okay?"

Brandon nodded, finishing rubbing his eye. Jake and I slowly walked away from him. "We need to protect that soft boy with our whole beings," I stated as soon as we were a good distance away from him.

"He looks awful," Jake muttered. "I wonder what he's done all day."

Our worrying had to quickly stop because the time before we went onstage was shortening. The whole band huddled together. "Okay, before we go onstage, what do we need to say that's haunting us and could potentially ruin this show," Will began.

"Brandon Flowers looks like he wants to kill himself," Jake blurted.

"He also might be abused by his girlfriend," I added.

"Okay, cool, cool," Will sighed. "I dropped a chicken nugget in the toilet at McDonald's today."

"How did you manage to do that?" Quinn scoffed.

"I can pee and eat, Quinn," Will retorted.

"Clearly you cannot. Anyway, is Brandon going to be okay?"

"I don't know," Jake and I said collectively.

We all heavily sighed. "Okay, that aside, let's have a good show and then murder Natalie," Will encouraged.

We all piled our hands in the middle of our group. "Aggressive chant!" Will shouted.

"AGGRESSIVE CHANT!" We repeated twice as loud then walked out on stage.

****

The show was great...except for the moment when I squinted out into the audience and saw a fan holding up a sign that literally had my morning tweet on it. "Are you seeing what I'm fucking seeing?!" Jake exclaimed in between songs, pointing at the sign. I simply nodded.

When the show ended I found Brandon sitting in a chair, a Coke clasped between both of his hands. "That was amazing!" He grinned still looking 10 times more tired and small than he looked before.

I couldn't help myself, I reached forward and ran my fingers through his hair. "So you enjoyed it?" I sighed. He nodded as I pulled my hand away from him.

He nodded. "I'm so tired though, Emma," he whispered.

I looked at the guys. "Maybe you guys should meet everyone outside and I'll walk Brandon back to the hotel," I told them.

Reluctantly, they agreed. Brandon and I were then escorted out of the venue and then on our way. "Geez, I feel kind of bad for making you come back here alone last night," Brandon said as we walked.

"It's okay -- there's four of us and only one of you," I shrugged. Brandon was still daintily clinging to his Cole bottle and his steps were a bit wobbly. "Are you okay, Brandon?" I tried asking him.

He nodded, "just very tired."

"What did you do all day?" I looked up at him and noticed that he had started crying. "Brandon?"

"I-I tried talking to Natalie," he sniffled, "s-sometimes she's mean, Emma, really mean."

We stopped walking. "Brandon, what do you mean?"

He was falling into the same panic he did earlier in the day. "I dunno, Emma, I don't wanna tell you -- I don't want you to think she's a bad person." His hands began trembling. I clasped them between mine.

"What did she say today?" I asked as calmly as I could.

"N-nothing dif-different -- sh-she," he let out a heavy sob, "that I'm useless, that I'm terrible -- a terrible b-boyfriend." He started to really sob after his last word, his whole body was shaking. I didn't know what else to do besides wrap my arms around him.

"Oh no, Brandon," I managed, trying not to cry myself. "You're -- I don't know, you're worth fucking everything."

He buried his head in the crook of my neck and I could feel his tears hit that area. "Don't lie to me, please don't lie to me. She's right. I know she's right, everyone knows she's right."

"Oh God, Brandon -- it's not even my opinion that you're worth fucking everything, it's just a fact -- and you're probably the most amazing boyfriend."

"No, no, no--"

"Everyone agrees with me, Natalie is so fucking wrong it's embarrassing."

"Don't get mad at her please, I know she loves me and I love her very, very much."

"Okay, Brandon, okay." I held him a bit tighter and looked up at the stars above us, just to give myself something to focus on as I kept myself from sobbing as well. Here was this beautiful person in my arms loving the only person in existence that makes him believe otherwise. "We should go to the hotel now," I whispered.

He nodded on my shoulder and pulled himself away. Then he grabbed my hand, causing me to jump a little. "I'm sorry," he breathed, "I just need something to keep me from floating away."

****

We went up to my room where Brandon hazily set himself on my bed. "Do you need anything?" I asked him.

He looked up at me like he was shocked I would ever be concerned for his well-being. "Hold me?" He gulped, clearly trying not to cry again. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him down so we were laying down.

"Brandon," I sighed, "Tell me about Natalie."

He let out a deep breath. "I met her -- at this party after one of my solo shows in 2011."

"Mhmm," I hummed.

"I didn't understand why she was talking to me," he paused to giggle, "I know I'm handsome, it's kind of weird that I know that, but -- you know -- I'm awkward, I struggle socially -- so I didn't know why she kept a conversation with me." He rolled around in my arms and faced me. He had a gentle grin on his face and a gleam in his eye. I could almost believe he was in a good relationship. "We found out we both lived in Vegas and -- at the end of the night -- she asked for my number, so I gave it to her, of course -- she's so beautiful, she could get anyone's number and she asked for mine. She called me when my tour was over and we met up and -- it all escalated from there."

"Do you live together?" I asked.

"Yeah, she moved in with me when we were in the middle of touring Battle Born -- gosh, Emma, it felt so nice. I hope you get to experience sharing a home with the person you love."

I ignored the soul crushing feeling that was coursing through my body. "When did she start being mean to you?"

"Oh -- well, she's not really mean to me, at least she's not purposely mean to me -- she just says things when she's mad -- it's been like that since we started."

"Does she... hurt you physically?"

He bit his lip, his expression saddening. "Sometimes -- but it's not her fault! I deserve it sometimes, I annoy her and she scratches me -- but I deserve it! It doesn't hurt that bad, it just teaches me a lesson."

My heart was absolutely shattered. "You don't, though," I whispered brokenly.

Brandon shrugged, "you don't have to live with me -- you don't know how annoying I can get."

I was crying. I couldn't hold it back anymore, the tears leaked out of my eyes like there had been a year long drought.

"Why are you crying?" Brandon croaked. "Did I say something? I'm so sorry."

I took in this ugly snot-filled breath through my nose and pulled Brandon's head forward so our foreheads touched. "I would never get annoyed by you," I murmured, then so he didn't pick up on my feelings, "the boys would never get annoyed by you -- if you ever have to, you can live with us."

He smiled, "why would I ever need to?"

I shakily sighed, on the verge of just completely sobbing, "I don't know -- I think you'd make a great roommate."


	9. Chapter 9

TPA found out about Brandon's engagement two weeks after the night he came to our show. We weren't the only four having a complete meltdown, the Internet was as well. I spent the whole day reading rants from his fans and mine.

I walked down to the basement to where the boys gathered: on the trampoline (yes someone decided we needed a trampoline in our basement, that person being Jake -- next to it a ball pit and some arcade games -- we're very responsible with our money).

"I still can't believe Brandon proposed to her, what universe are we living in?" I said to the boys once they stopped bouncing.

"Sucks," Jake simply responded with a shrug, "but that's just how it be sometimes."

"Easy for you to say, you're not in love with him," I sneered.

Jake let out a short chuckle, "if they aren't meant to be, Emma, they just simply won't be."

I glared at him, "you sure do talk some shit sometimes, Jacob."

"I'm serious, if the world doesn't want them to be together, eventually they just won't be, it just takes some trials."

"You're triggering me."

"What?"

I took a deep breath before singing, "it's been trial after trial."

"Oh my God...just think about what I've said and don't get too worked up about Brandon and Natalie."

****

Later that afternoon, after a day wasted of me listening to grossly emo music, as if the asshole could hear me being upset, I received a text from Brandon.

Natalie and I will be up in Seattle in a week...wanna celebrate? ;)

I almost texted back, "celebrate what?" But quickly talked myself down from that edge. So instead I send a quick, "absolutely! Let me know exactly when...and congrats."

****

During the course of the week, I somehow managed to convince Jake to join me in humoring Brandon by meeting Natalie. That week passed quicker than both of us would have liked--without much time at all we were both scrambling around the house trying to find clothes that would give Natalie the impression that we weren't punks.

We decided our meeting spot would be a park near our house by the lake. The reality that I was going to meet the woman I absolutely loathed didn't hit me until Jake and I were in the car.

"A park's a weird place to be right now," Jake murmured, clicking on the windshield wipers, "it's about to fucking pour."

I blankly observed the wipers push the rain away. The entire car ride was silent, mostly due to the fact that I didn't want to talk. The rain had picked up significantly as we parked near the park.

As I texted Brandon to find out where we should meet, Jake pulled out two umbrellas out from his backseat. I sighed at him, "Jake, what the fuck."

"What? It's raining, Emma, this is Seattle," he responded opening one up.

My phone buzzed with a text from Brandon before I could make fun of Jake more.

I think I see you guys, I'll be right over ;)

"I fucking hate you, HATE," I growled out loud.

"Jesus Christ, they're just umbrellas."

"Not you--" as I spoke I glanced out into the distance and spotted an unmistakable Brandon. No Natalie in sight.

"Hey guys!" He grinned with a little wave as soon as he was close enough.

"Where's Natalie?" I asked, pretending like I gave a single rat's ass, he could have left her in Vegas--in a trash can for all I cared.

"Oh, she didn't wanna get wet, so she's sitting in a café down that way," he gestured in the direction he came from.

Jake walked passed me and held an umbrella over Brandon. "You look like you needed this."

As Brandon grabbed the umbrella from Jake I noticed Brandon's wet hair and the dark spots on his shirt from the raindrops. Jake opened his other umbrella over the two of us. Only after he said, "uhh...let's get going, shall we?" That I realized Brandon and I were just stood staring at each other.

We began following Brandon to where he said Natalie was. "How was your trip?" Jake asked trying to fill the awkward silence.

"Ah--It was alright, I guess--Natalie and I don't really like flying," Brandon responded.

"Still?" I blurted recalling the common knowledge that Brandon was terrified of flying.

Brandon chuckled, "still. Just because I tolerate it now doesn't mean I enjoy it."

****

Seeing her was worse than I ever expected. It was almost as if the entire time I believed she wasn't real. Natalie looked and acted just about as mean and spiteful as everyone said. After all the hoping that the media had lied and that they were just out to get her because she was dating Brandon--she really was awful.

Right off the bat, she didn't greet us, but rather snapped at Brandon for being wet. For being wet. Jake and I simultaneously cringed.

Once we all sat down and I had calmed myself to a point where I wasn't going to murder Natalie, Jake asked her the same question as he did to Brandon. "How was your trip?"

"Oh it was terrible," she spit, "for one, this one decided it was okay to drink."

I blinked wildly at how she could refer to Brandon as "this one" as if he was an animal. Somehow Jake and I smiled through it while also communicated with each other that we thought she was unreal.

"It was one shot," Brandon defended himself--I told myself I was just making up the hint of fear in his voice.

"--And I for one take many shots on airplanes," Jake blurted.

"Oh yeah--and lots of wine," I rambled in agreement.

"Truly, I just drink for everyone on the plane."

As if I was dreaming the entire thing, Natalie rolled her eyes. I was so shocked and triggered that I slammed an open hand on the table. Jake awkwardly laughed and gave me a look that said, "it's only been 10 minutes you can't kill her now."

I calmly turned my head and faced Jake. "Do you want to come with me and order something?"

"Uh, yeah, sounds good."

We shuffled away from the table and to the counter to order. "Can you believe that dumb bitch rolled her eyes at me?" I snapped.

"I'm just-- I'm currently in a state of pretending like she just had an eye-twitch or stroke or something," Jake babbled.

"Jake--I'm going to kill her--by the time I'm finished my latte, she'll be dead."

Jake placed his hand on my shoulder. "Listen, as much as the entire world wants to kill her, we have to remain calm, okay?"

"But why?"

"I don't know--maybe because it's illegal, but that's just my personal opinion."

****

Two lattes later and Natalie was still somehow alive. Despite the fact that Brandon seemed to be the bane of her existence, she continuously spoke about their wedding plans and I had to pretend like I wasn't going to vomit.

When we finally got out of the wedding conversation, Brandon glanced outside. "Seattle's a real nice place," he stated.

"And you're always welcome to visit us here," Jake nodded.

Brandon turned his gaze to Jake and smiled a little. "I'd love to see your guy's place."

For a moment I agreed in my head, I'd love to show him what a nice place we have--but then I realized Will was probably sitting butt-naked in the ball-pit, eating ice cream as we spoke. "Of course--does tomorrow sound good?" Jake said, the quiver in his voice saying that he was also thinking about Will and his butt-nakedness.

"You all would love Brandon and I's place, everyone does," Natalie interrupted.

"Do they?" I responded in an overly sugarcoated voice.

We then fell into a 30-minute conversation about the utopia that was Brandon and Natalie's life. My favorite part was when she suggested they go back to their hotel. Jake and Brandon spoke as we left the coffee shop and I awkwardly walked aside Natalie.

"Stay away from him," she simply said.

My only thought was, "asdfghhjkl???" I didn't know what I was more offended by, the fact that she would say that or the fact that I knew what she was talking about.

"I notice how you look at Brandon," she grumbled. "He's mine--is that understood?"

I ignored the part of me that only wanted to rip her hair out. "Absolutely!" I spat and sped walk to catch up with Jake and Brandon so I could stay as far away from that mess as possible.


	10. Chapter 10

"No fucking way!" Jake exclaimed after I told him what Natalie had said to me before we said goodbye to them. We were already halfway home before I could fully wrap my mind around it. "You're joking!"

"I'm not! I'm so--who is she! I can't believe she's real!" I exclaimed, half laughing.

"Oh my God, she really is something. The entire time I was tempted to pull out my camera and zoom in on her--maybe then I'd find out why Brandon's marrying her."

"I could have truly lived my entire life without meeting her in person, yet here we are!"

****

"How'd it go?" Will asked, sitting on the couch as Jake and I both marched upstairs.

"Terrible," I stated.

"Hated it," Jake followed up.

We continued walking away. "Wait!" Will called after us. "What happened? What's the tea?!"

Will began to follow me to my room and in the mist of things, Quinn emerged. "I heard tea and I'm personally ready for you to spill it on me."

As soon as I got to my room, I threw myself on my bed. Will and Quinn quietly found their seats. I took a deep breath before intensely explaining my day in as much agonizing detail as possible.

"And then--" I seethed, sharply sitting up, "--and then, she told me to stay away from him and that she saw the way I looked at him."

Will and Quinn whopped in despair in unison. "Okay, but what I want to know is why Natalie and Brandon both agreed to get married in Circus Circus--isn't that old Vegas? In this economy?" Will sharply spat out.

"Oh my God, Emma, how could you just hear that and accept it?" Quinn groaned.

I laughed, gently losing my mind, "What could I say? 'You're gonna have a shitty wedding because you're a shitty person and I'm not here for it'?"

"Unreal," Quinn breathed, staring up at the ceiling, hands rested on his head, "unreal."

"I hope we're invited to this wedding, I just want to see how bad it is--I do a pretty good Elvis impersonation--should we tell them I'd charge half as much as one they're probably planning on hiring?" Will giggled.

"You can tell 'em tomorrow--they're coming over," I sighed.

"What?! I don't want Natalie anywhere near my home--she's on thin fucking ice being in a hotel in the same city," Will snapped.

"Listen, it wasn't my idea, it was Jake's impulse to do something nice."

Will and Quinn collectively went into a state only experienced by children who were told that their parents were having guest over. It remained that way until early morning.

****

"Oh my God, I want to die, you don't understand, I want to jump off the fucking balcony, I'm not even fucking kidding!" Will whined after we received Brandon's "I'll be over in 30 minutes!" text.

"That's today's mood," Jake deadpanned, fluffing a pillow. "This got me so nervous I'm acting like the suburban mom our neighbors always wanted."

"I think we cleaned the last inch of the house...what do we do now?" Quinn asked nervously.

"We sit and tittle our thumbs, I guess," Jake shrugged.

Will pressed his fingers against his temples--then screeched.

"Why are you so stressed?" I chuckled, trying to ease everyone's nerves. "At this point we can consider Brandon a friend, right?"

Will snorted, "a what?"

****

Brandon standing on the doorstep of my house was truly the most bizarre thing I've ever seen. Between the flannel he was wearing and the way he stood, I would have thought he was my boyfriend from the countryside ready to take me away on his horse.

"Can I, uh, come in?" He asked awkwardly.

I blinked rapidly at him, "oh yeah," I quickly sputtered, "come on in!"

He let out a nervous giggle and scampered past me. Behind his back, I slapped my forehead and ran my hand down my face.

"Sorry Natalie's not here," Brandon apologized as we made our way further into the house.

"Oh yeah...that's a real shame," I tried saying as authentically as possible.

We stepped into the living room where the boys sat as if they weren't collectively crying 5 minutes before. "Brandon's here," I stated.

They looked up casually, then as if someone's fingers snapped they all lit up and greeted him. It was so in sync and spontaneous I felt as if I was in a sitcom.

"I like your guy's house," Brandon said after the greetings calmed down.

"Ah yes, the paper airport," Jake responded.

Will squinted at him, "okay--no one calls it that, no one has ever called it that and I think we have to sell the house now."

Brandon laughed, "Come on Will, that's clever...paper airport."

Will somehow squinted even more. "Well, I think I'm gonna go down to the basement."

"I think I'll join you," Quinn agreed.

"Jake, you're not invited unless you agree to never call our house, our home, where we raise our children, the paper airport," Will said sternly.

Jake rolled his eyes, "fine, but it is cleaver."

Just like that they walked away, down a hallway and disappeared into the basement.

A part of me couldn't believe they would leave me alone with Brandon, the other, smaller, part of me wondered if they did it on purpose. Brandon turned to me, this odd, gentle smirk on his lips. "Do you wanna show me around?"

"I mean, I guess so! I thought I was going to have three other tour guides but--" I lead him away from the living room and introduced the kitchen, Will and Quinn's rooms, everything downstairs, really. It didn't hit me how odd it was until we were traveling upstairs to the second floor. I hated the guy months ago and now he's talking about how interesting it is that Will has a bunk-bed.

On the top floor, I showed him Jake's room and the music room. I grew more nervous as we approached the last one for some reason. I stood holding the door handle longer than I probably should have.

"Let me guess," Brandon pointed, breaking the weird silence, "this is your room."

"Yup...last but not least," I chuckled sheepishly and opened the door. Brandon followed me in and observed the area. For whatever reason, he wondered to my collection of plants.

"How do you manage to keep these alive," he asked, touching the leaf of one.

"Well, these are, like, the fourth generation--of course, they all die when we're on tour."

He stuck his hands in his pocket and quietly wondered for a moment. As I was finally getting used to him in my room, he threw me through a loop and flopped onto my bed. My eyes screamed I don't know how, but that's the only way I can describe my emotions. His shirt had ridden up and the smallest bit of skin had been exposed, but my eyes were screaming.

I resisted every urge to take my hand and run it up his torso. "Are you comfy?" I finally spoke after having my mini-stroke.

"Hope you don't mind," he said, lifting his head up.

"Not at all."

He rolled over onto his stomach and pulled a pillow towards him, resting his head on it.

I'm going to have a fUCKING hOrSe LiTTer, my brain screeched before properly processing what was going on. Just as I was getting over myself, Brandon hit me with another sentence slap and mumbled, "lay with me," softly into my pillow, in my own home.

With a stiff body, I laid with him. It was only uncomfortable for about a second, until Brandon wiggles over a little, creating more room.

Then, as embarrassing and scary to admit as it is, it felt right. Us laying there felt as if it was always meant to happen. I kept staring at the space between us that I wanted to close. As I was still thinking about it, Brandon flipped around again, closing the gap. We were now side-to-side.

I made eye-contact with him and saw that he had a stupid smile on his stupid face. Before I could peel out of my skin right then and there, he said, "hi," in a teasing voice. That was it for me.


	11. Chapter 11

"Brandon, what are you doing?" I murmured. We were holding such intense eye contact, the only thing holding me from kissing him was the very last thread of my morals.

"You're warm," he deadpanned. Before I could tell him how stupid he was, he moved away from me and looked up at the ceiling. After a pause, he spoke again. "I'm not sure why Natalie didn't wanna visit."

It would be so easy to ruin everything just by the way I responded to what he said. I could let it all out, I could have told him that Natalie didn't want to come because she doesn't care about the people he spent time with and that she was threatened by the fact that I might have the capacity to care more. She should be.

I took a moment to consider what would be best for everyone. "Yeah, it sucks, the boys and I would really love to have her over," I lied.

"She really does want to know you guys."

I almost snorted. "She's nice." At that point, I was all out of lies to tell. If Brandon said one more thing that prompted me to say another thing even remotely nice about Natalie, I was going to explode.

Instead, he mumbled, "your house is nice," and I felt a rush of relief.

"You're absolutely welcome to come over whenever you'd like," I quickly looked over to him to see what kind of response he'd give. Luckily for me, he grinned.

"That'd be nice."

With that, a silence fell over us. Unexpectedly, I experienced what a none-awkward silence felt like for the first time. His breathing was enough to distract me from the ended conversation. It let me know he was existing next to me, which was all I needed.

"What should we do now?" He asked, snapping me out of my slightly emo thought process.

"We can see what the boys are up to," I answered.

****

I realized I had made a mistake the second I stepped off the last step into the basement. The overwhelming volume of the music the boys were listening to should have been enough for me to grab Brandon's arm and run. Instead, I pressed on and found them in the ball-pit, each clearly high out of their minds.

"Now this is the Paper Airplane scandal," Brandon laughed, "they talk so much about you and me when they should be talking about this."

Will, the one holding the weed "supplies" spoke first, "c'mon, Brando, we're a pop-punk band living in Washington, this isn't news."

Brandon looked at me, slightly concerned, "do you...you know..."

"Nah, it doesn't have a good effect on me."

I knew for the sake of the rest of the band I shouldn't have been relieved that Brandon didn't have to think less of me, but I was relieved I didn't have to lose the innocent asshat.

Brandon waved the smoke awake from him, "geez, think I'm getting second hand high over here."

All three of them lost it, which wasn't out of character for them. "Take a hit, we'll show you what 'high' really is," Jake smirked.

"No, no, no!" I quickly responded, for some reason grabbing Brandon's arm as if to protect him.

"I'm joking—joking," Jake defended.

At that point, I definitely should have left. What happened next made me want to move to a state where I could have them arrested.

"So, y'all talk about the situation," Will whispered as if discussing a government secret.

"What situation?" I said nervously.

"Shiiiit, dude, the one we were just talking about?" Jake spoke, ignoring my panic.

"Yeah, yeaaah-- fuckin' wack, right?" Will mumbled.

"What situation?!" I exclaimed.

"Damn bitch, will one of y'all just say it?" Jake huffed.

"Brandon jerking off and screamin' ya name," Will laughed.

My heart dropped into my ass. I shot a panic look at Brandon who looked like his heart was at his feet.

"That didn't happen, right?" He spat. "They're too high to function, right?"

I couldn't straight up lie, nor could I straight up tell him the truth, so I just didn't say anything. We stood there for a second, simmering in panic. In a burst, he ran up the stairs.

"Shit!" I yelled, chasing after him before I could even slap each of the guys individually.

"Yooo, you guys fucked up," I heard Quinn say as I ran.

I chased Brandon into my bedroom who once again flopped into my bed and buried his head in my pillow. "Brandon, I'm so sorry, they usually don't get that high--I guess today was just so stressful for them--"

"Are they right?" Brandon whimpered.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "Yes."

He began crying. The heart in my ass shattered. "I'm so sorry, Brandon," I tried to comfort, "I shouldn't have invaded your privacy like that."

"No, I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I feel so filthy, it's bad enough I was doing that, but--c-calling your name? Thinking of you--"

If he wasn't covered in tears, I'd almost nut to that confession. "It's fine, Brandon," I sighed. "As long as you love Natalie, it doesn't matter."

He sat up and spun around. "Sit down," he sniffled, patting the space of bed in front of him. I sat. "Can we be honest for a sec?" I nodded and he took a deep, shaky breath. Not making eye contact with me, he spoke. "For the longest time, the image of you in my head was who you were when you started the band--so when I first saw you, in person, present day, I was breath taken."

I wish he had ended there, but he didn't.

"Emma--I know you have feelings for me, and I think about how for a while I had feelings for you too--sometimes I would even think about leaving Natalie. That's--that's just not what's going on anymore. I love Natalie, it's always going to be like that, but whoever you end up loving is so, so lucky."

With that, I shattered.


	12. Chapter 12

The wedding invitation came two weeks after Brandon told me how he really felt. Before I could even cry about it, the boys and I were on a plane to Vegas.

The whole trip was miserable. I was always a mention of Brandon's name away from crying. We were all almost treating it like a funeral, all somberly checking into the mediocre hotel, dragging our shit behind us.

"What are you guys here for?" The lady behind the check-in desk asked cheerfully as she ran my card.

"A wedding," I sighed, not even trying to hide the fact that every last piece of me had died.

"Oh, here?"

"Yup."

"The wedding chapel here is actually quite beautiful." She handed me the hotel room keys and I thanked her without another word about the event.

"Was I the only one thinking 'yes, but what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore'?" Jake said as we walked away from the desk.

"Damn, now you're really reminding me that we chose the wrong Vegas band to hang out with."

****

Jake and I separated from Quinn and Will and slipped into our rooms. Jake sat on the bed flipping through the channels on the TV as I stared blankly at the door connecting our room to Quinn and Will's.

"You alright over there?" Jake asked.

"It never really hit me that this was going to happen," I murmured, "like, it's tomorrow, we're really in this shitty hotel, I'm really about to let him slip away."

"Well, to be fair, this isn't the end of all things."

"Don't even try to humor me--"

"I'm not! I'm just saying, if it's not meant to be, it just won't be."

"So, you're suggesting that they're not going to make it--that they're going to get a divorce?"

He simply shrugged in response.

****

The wedding party started bright and early for the Paper Airplanes. It began with Will and Quinn banging on Jake and I's door. Upon Jake's answering, Will and Quinn rushed in, holding a box of donuts and a bottle of orange juice accompanied by a bottle of vodka.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Will sang at me as I pulled the covers over my head. "We're going to need this! You more than others, really."

When I collected myself and pulled the covers away from myself, the boys had already dug into the donuts, each with a plastic cup of awful looking screwdriver. Jake immediately rushed over to me and handed me a maple donut and poured me a drink that was way more parts vodka than orange juice. I looked at the clock before committing to my death. Ten o'clock, four hours before Brandon's wedding. A reasonable time.

For half an hour, we theorized how terrible the wedding was going to go. Was a clown going to tumble in and give the ceremony? Was the wedding chapel as poorly lit as the casino? Were they really going to have a traditional wedding at Circus fucking Circus?

"Listen," I slurred, already two cups into hell, "if I ever tell you I'm going to get married anywhere around here, just--kill me."

"You don't have to tell us twice," Quinn giggled.

"Honestly, I feel kind of bad," Jake sighed.

Everyone groaned at his emo musing. "Jake, people accept the love they deserve, and if Brandon thinks he deserves a clown-fuck-fest, then he does," Will hiccuped.

"How was that any better than what I said, fuck you guys!"

At around 11:30, my phone buzzed. My drunk-ass screamed as soon as I saw Brandon's name with a text.

Hey, saw the boys earlier today, glad you made it. Wanna hang out? The text read.

"Fuck!" I yelped.

"What? What, what, what?" Jake exclaimed.

"Brandon wants to hang out! I'm too drunk for this shit!"

"Shit dude! But it'll be the only time you'll ever see him as a free man!"

Jake was right, so my drunk-consciousness told me. "Okay, okay, I'll tell him to come up."

"We gotta--fuckin' get out of here, lads," Will stammered.

The boys cleared out of the room as I texted Brandon the information he needed.

It only hit me that I was too drunk to be in Brandon's presence when I opened the door and he was standing in front of me. "Heeey," I said as casually as possible.

"Hey?" He hesitated, catching on quicker than I'd hope. "A little too earlier to start celebrating, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but the boys wanted to have a drink, I couldn't help myself," I tried explaining, hobbling to my bed. I flopped onto my back and stared up at Brandon as he followed me. Even flat out intoxicated, my heart still jumped when he laid next to me. Slowly, he rested his head on my shoulder. I sighed and let him without a single amount of protest.

"Are you excited?" I asked, my entire being aching through the alcohol.

"Yeah," he mumbled.

I ran my hand through his hair, "is this okay?"

"Yeah. I didn't get a bachelor's party, so I deserve this."

"Didn't get a bachelor's party?! You know what? Never mind, I'm not surprised."

"What do you mean you're not surprised?"

"Present Ronnie the chance to steal you from her? Of course not."

Brandon laughed and it was such a beautiful noise, the beauty was heightened with my drunken senses. It occurred to me that I probably wouldn't hear it much after that day.

"I still wanna be friends with you," I whispered.

"Of course."

"Even if I still love you..."

"Emma--don't."

"But I do, I can't hide it. It doesn't matter, but it's there."

Brandon paused before responding. A part of me wanted him to admit that he was making a mistake, that he wasn't going to follow through with it all and call off the wedding. Instead, he said, "one day it won't be."


	13. Chapter 13

When Brandon left to get ready, I finally had my first breakdown. The boys quickly rushed into the room, but there was nothing they could do or say that could console me. I had truly fucked up by not taking the chance to stop loving him when I could.

The breakdown lasted way past when we needed to leave. The boys couldn't even get me into my dress, they gave up and let me wear one of their Hawaiian shirts and cargo shorts, with sunglasses to complete the look and cover up the breakdown.

Both Natalie's guest and Brandon's alike judged me as soon as we walked into the chapel. The only person who didn't seem completely fazed was Ronnie. Who I was surprised to even see there.

"Rough day, kid?" He mused, sitting next to us as we sat in the far back.

"I'm drunk, I'm heartbroken, I'm ready to vomit," I murmured.

"Yeah, I've been feeling that way since I got the invitation. This is a joke."

"Let's play a game. Which one of us is in love with him?"

Ronnie let out a half-genuine laugh. "Listen, I watched that fucker grow up, once you do that--you expect better from them, you know? You want to see them end up--happy. This shit isn't happy."

The sunglasses were a good idea because I started crying again. I curved over and Ronnie pat me on the back, "all this shit'll work out, I know Brandon, I know deep down he doesn't want this."

Then the ceremony started.

I watched through my tear stained lenses as Brandon walked down the aisle next to an older gentleman who looked vaguely like him. Brandon looked so fucking gorgeous the tears streaming down my face almost became happy ones.

"Holy shit he's glowing," I blurted. Momentarily I couldn't even fathom what I had done to deserve to be alive at the same moment as him.

I must have been too distracted by Brandon's beauty to notice that things were dragging on usually long.

"The fuck is going on?" Ronnie hissed under his breath. Even the boys began to seem concerned, even though a few moments ago if they had any more apathy, I'd look less suspicious.

A few more minutes passed and a bridesmaid walked up the aisle to Brandon, whispered something in his ear, and he then too became concerned.

"The fuck?" I coughed.

"I'm gonna go see what's up," Ronnie said, standing up and wandering over to the front where Brandon's family sat.

I pulled my glasses down in the direction of the boys. "Do ya' think she chickened out?"

"Wouldn't that be a fucking shame," Jake scoffed.

"I'm not high enough for this, this is too much drama in one day," Will huffed.

Ronnie scurried back to us, "apparently, Natalie's missing."

It took everything in me not to burst out laughing. "No shit?"

Ronnie shrugged and sat back in his chair. At least 20 minutes passed before everyone in the chapel began to chatter with great worry. I looked at Brandon, who looked beyond anxious.

Before I could return to my apathetic state, he took off down the aisle and out of the chapel. I was far too fucked up not to immediately follow him.

Dodging the masses of people, I followed him all the way to the elevators. "Brandon!" I gasped, falling into an elevator with him.

"Emma? What the hell are you wearing?" He spat.

"Don't worry about that! What's going on?"

He didn't answer me, instead, he turned away and we stood in silence all the way to the floor he and Natalie must have been staying on. Though he didn't want to speak to me, I still continued to follow him.

He stopped at a room and fumbled for his hotel key before unlocking it within lightning speed.

I was not ready for what was waiting for us behind the door.

There Natalie was in her wedding dress, on top of a man in a Circus Circus uniform. Brandon and I stood in the doorway in shock, the two continuing their grossness.

I was the first to scream. "What the actual living fuck?!"

Natalie looked at us in horror. "Brandon?" She gasped. "Brandon, oh my God, it's not what it looks like!"

Brandon looked as pale as a ghost. He didn't say a single word before rushing out of the room.

At that point I didn't give a shit if I threw Natalie out the window, I would have done anything to keep her from Brandon at that moment. I shoved her to the ground without thinking and ran to Brandon.

He didn't make it too far from the door. He was collapsed to his knees, shaking. I slowly knelt beside him and placed a hand on his back.

Slowly, he looked up, the scowl on his face said he was expecting Natalie. For a moment I was afraid, then his angry expression melted into a relieved one--then into a hopeless one. He took in a shaky breath before absolutely falling apart, I slowly took him into my arms and let him cry into my shoulder. The only coherent thing he sobbed out was, "I can't believe it!" All I could do was hold him. I didn't know what hurt more, seeing him love someone else, or seeing him heartbroken.

As he calmed down, I tried to coax him into standing up. It took a couple "C'mon baby, the floor is dirty"s before he stood and I was able to drag him to my own room. There, I laid him on my bed and texted the band's group chat about the situation in as few words as possible. They appeared at the room with Ronnie so fast, one would almost think they launched themselves through the building stories. Ronnie was the first to cry out for Brandon. He fell into the bed and wrapped his arms around him.

"Oh God, Brandon, I'm so sorry," Ronnie consoled. Brandon nuzzled his head into the crook of Ronnie's shoulder, and it was a bad time but, the entire band looked at each other wondering why we didn't love each other like that.

"Everyone warned me," Brandon spoke brokenly. "You warned me."

"That doesn't matter. You're not with her right now, it's okay."

After a while, Ronnie pushed himself off Brandon and laid next to him on his back. Brandon rested his hand against his forehead, "What am I gonna do? All my shit is in that room with her in it."

"Don't worry about that," Ronnie comforted, then stood up. "We're gonna get his fucking shit."

"Absolutely," Jake squeaked, recovering from nearly bawling.

****

"I didn't know you could be...so nice to him," I told Ronnie as we paced to the elevator.

Ronnie shrugged, "known the guy for over a decade, I'll bet my ass I know how what he needs more than Natalie does."

We stepped in an elevator and headed to Natalie's floor. "The plan is, one of you hold Natalie in the bathroom while the rest of us pack up his shit and go," Ronnie stated.

We agreed and soon we stepped off the elevator. Nervously, we walked to the room. Ronnie was the one who knocked on the door.

"Who is it?!" Natalie called.

"It's Brandon," Ronnie replied in a scarily accurate Brandon impression.

The door opened and Will rushed in front of Ronnie. He grabbed Natalie and pushed her further into the room and into the bathroom. We followed behind him as he slammed the door shut and held it there.

Ronnie grabbed Brandon's suitcase and backpack as the rest of us raided the room for anything that looked like it belonged to Brandon.

In record time we had packed everything. "Is that it?" Ronnie asked as we scanned the room one last time.

"I think so," I said.

"Okay then, let's go, let's go!" Ronnie threw on Brandon's backpack, grabbed his luggage and bolted out the door, the rest of us followed. As I looked over my shoulder as we sprinted down the hall, the most terrifying sight greeted me. Natalie was following us, if we had to wait for an elevator we were fucked--which was the case.

"She's--she's fucking following us!" I panted.

"Shit! Okay, we can fucking handle that, we'll just not go to the room!" Ronnie managed.

Natalie skidded into the elevator room as soon as one opened up. Awkwardly, we all filled in.

No one said anything for a moment as Ronnie slowly pressed the button for a random floor. "What do you want, Natalie?" Ronnie sighed as the elevator moved down.

"I want my husband's stuff back!" She yelled.

Ronnie sputtered for a bit in shock, "your what? He's my husband more than he is your's!"

"You were always fucking gay for him."

"No, but I sure as hell would rather fuck him than a fucking hotel employee!" 

Honestly, I wanted him to fight her. Then, she turned it on me. "He was gonna do the same with you anyway!"

I damn near combusted. "You fucking--you absolute--," I took a deep breath, "he wasn't! He didn't, he wouldn't, he won't--he was 100% committed to you, he wanted to marry you, he did everything for you, and you're unbelievably vile." I was spitting in her face at the end of my sentence. Before I could rip her scalp off, the elevator door open and the boys pushed her out and slammed the button to close the door.

"We're not about to let you get charged for murder," Jake mumbled.

"Okay," Ronnie huffed, "we're gonna have to go a few floors below the actual one; otherwise, Natalie will still know what floor Brandon's on." He hit the button for a floor ten floors below ours. On that floor, we switched elevators and finally went up to the correct one.

Upon returning to the room, we found that Brandon had fallen asleep in the bed, still wearing the tuxedo and all. "I don't think you mind him staying here, do you?"

I shook my head and sat at the foot of the bed. "Truthfully, even if he had to sleep in my bed, I'd rather that over him returning to her."

"You're so brave," Will mocked.

Ronnie let out a heavy sigh, "Okay then, I'm gonna go downstairs and get heavily intoxicated so I can pretend this was an awful, awful nightmare."

"What if he needs you?" I asked, afraid.

He smiled gently, "trust me, he likes you just as much." With that, he left the room.


	14. Chapter 14

"Wake him up," I told Jake as midnight approached.

"No, you wake him up," Jake murmured, glaring at me.

"I don't want him to be mad at me."

"Well, I don't want him mad at me either!"

We bickered for awhile until I heard a faint, "you guys?" Our attention both snapped to Brandon.

"Hey Brandon..." I lightly greeted.

He looked at his watch. "Midnight? This miserable day is really over."

"We got your stuff," Jake said.

Brandon slipped out of the bed and as we led him to his stuff, he stumbled behind us. It was both cute and incredibly disheartening. He unzipped his suitcase and smiled a little, "did Ronnie put this together?"

"Uh, yeah," I managed.

"It's exactly how I would've packed it."

When will Ronnie pass me down the ways of Brandon? I thought.

Brandon pulled out a t-shirt and didn't even bother to tell us to clear the area as he stripped off his clothes. Jake and I scurried away. "I don't care, you know," he half-chuckled, however, still sounding rather empty.

He emerged in only his boxer-briefs and the shirt, in any other circumstance I would have nutted, but all I was thinking about was carrying him to bed and making sure he was comfortable. He made his way back to the bed he was sleeping on and flopped onto it. "Whose bed is this?" He mumbled.

"Mine," I spoke.

"Okay--Good."

He shut his eyes again. I wanted so badly to lay next to him and sleep, but a part of me hesitated. As tired as I was, I needed to buy time to decide whether I wanted to sleep with Brandon or crash with Jake. "I'm gonna go take a shower," I announced.

"You do that, I'm gonna go die in my bed," Jake mumbled, slowly making his way in that direction.

In the shower, I made the decision that laying next to Brandon was harmless. As long as I just laid there and slept. 12 hours ago he found his fiancé cheating on him with a hotel employee. A Circus Circus Hotel Employee--God, really? I couldn't think of a single person I'd chose over Brandon and she chose that. It was impossible to wrap my head around.

After my shower, I changed into the clothes I slept in the night before. When I stepped out into the room, both Jake and Brandon were sound asleep. I stood at the foot of Brandon's bed (my bed? Our bed??) for a moment, preparing myself mentally.

I finally took the risk after five minutes of just standing. Slowly, I crawled on top of the covers and laid down.

"You can sleep with blankets, you know," Brandon murmured.

I jumped, "oh God, did I wake you up?"

"No, I've been awake--get under the covers."

I did as he said and suddenly we were sharing heat. While we were facing completely away from each other, I still felt strangely close to him. Before my eyelids could slam closed, the sound of sniffling drew any trace of sleep from me.

"Brandon?" I whispered.

"Yeah?" He quivered.

"I know you're crying."

"I'm sorry--I've never been so miserable." He broke into a sob and I had to break the rules I had set up in the shower.

"Can I hold you?" I asked softly.

"Please?"

We both turned around to face each other, and when I was met with Brandon's face covered in tears, my heart shattered. "Oh, Brandon," I whispered and pulled him against me. Just like the first night we stayed together, he cried as I held him. "I'm so sorry," I whispered again, "you deserve so much better."

"I know I shouldn't forgive her this time, but there's a part of me that really wants to work it out," he sniffled.

"In the end, it's all up to you--but if I were you, I'd never talk to her again."

"I have to, Emma--I have to get my stuff from the house--"

"I'll help you. Like I've said before, you're welcome to stay with us whenever you'd like."

"I think--I think I might need that..."

"You don't have to make any decisions now though, right now you need to rest."

He nuzzled his head into my shoulder, "you're the best."

We hesitantly let go of each other--or more like I hesitantly let go of him, and tried to get more sleep.

****

I awoke for a moment forgetting everything that happened the previous day, especially the fact that Brandon was asleep next to me. The shock that came over me when I rolled over and saw his soft-fast-asleep face was intense. I couldn't help but just lay there and look. The next few minutes were of me racking my brain trying to figure out why anyone would cheat when they could wake up to this every morning.

As he began to shift, I quickly rolled over and pretended like I wasn't deeply admiring him for upwards of 30 minutes. I heard him grunt as he stretched. "Emma?" He mumbled. "Emma, are you awake?"

"Mhmm," I murmured back, not facing him to make it seem like I wasn't eager to be next to him. Suddenly, without an ounce of warning, his arm was snaking over me.

"Is this okay?" He whispered.

"Of-of course."

My eyes widened as he pulled me closer to him and slightly squeezed me. "It's far too early to be as sad as I am right now...I need all the hugs in the world."

I began to sputter. It's too early for you to be this cute right now!!! "Y-you deserve all the hugs in the world!"

He pressed his face against my back, "This is good enough."

I was definitely not in the position to be happy about Natalie's betrayal but...holy shit. As I was about to drift off to sleep again, I heard the door unlock and someone stumble in. I didn't even bother moving at all.

"Are you guys awake?" I heard Jake say. "I bought donuts."

Brandon then, unfortunately, let go of me. "I could go for a donut."

I couldn't even be mad at either of them. Brandon stood from the bed and I sat up. Brandon took a donut and sat at the edge of our bed as Jake flopped down onto the computer chair. "So, what's your plan now, sir Flowers?"

He sighed, "I have no idea..."

"Just come back to Seattle with us."

"I can't do that..."

"Of course you can! It's not forever and, uh...Will already bought the extra ticket."

The donut almost damn near fell out of Brandon's mouth. "He what?!"

"So Will and Quinn went out last night to de-stress and--they got a little too de-stressed and bought you a plane ticket--so you have to come with us!"

Brandon buried his face in the hand without the donut. "You guys are too much..."

"So you'll come?"

"Yeah--yeah, I guess I'll come -- I kind of have to now, right?"


	15. Chapter 15

"So...maybe we didn't think this through," Will said as we stood at our plane's gate at the airport. Brandon had gone to the bathroom, and I guess now was the time to discuss what we were doing. "Like...where are we going to put him?"

"'Where are we going to put him' like he's a fucking hamster we just adopted," Quinn shot back.

"He's just as tiny and easy to lose okay!" Will snorted.

"I'm so glad you're taking this seriously," Jake scoffed.

"We are!" Will whined. "We'll just...put him in Emma's room."

"We'll what?" I coughed.

"Listen, I'm not saying I'm an advocate for Bremma, but--"

"What the fuck is a Bremma?"

"Your, uhh, ship name with Brandon."

"I'm going to need to leave."

Before I could hurl myself out of the airport, the boys stopped me. "We can either let him stay in your room or the basement in the ball-pit," Quinn suggested.

"I say we put him in your room since you're the one who wanted him to stay with us."

"Don't eat our ass like this, Emma, we both know you wanted this more than us," Will argued.

"Will, why don't you just share Quinn's room and he can stay in your's?" Jake said.

"Why don't I just die?"

Before we could settle the argument with a fist fight, Brandon walked up behind us. "What did I miss?" He asked obliviously.

****

After bribing Will and Quinn with two bags of gummy worms, they agreed to share a room. Soon after, we boarded the plane. I had both the pleasure and displeasure to sit by Brandon. It dawned on me just how physically attractive he was. Every time he just existed I got the urge to snap a picture with him.

"So, uhh, how you doin'?" I asked.

He turned to look at me, "alright, a little nervous, but I think I made the right decision."

I raised an eyebrow at him curiously, "aren't you afraid of flying?"

"Yeah...but I also took some Xanax in the bathroom."

I widened my eyes at him, "you did a what?"

"I took a Xanax. They're prescription, Emma -- and I didn't want to take it in front of you guys."

I squinted at him, "you walked in on the boys smoking weed in a ball pit."

He giggled, "Yeah, I guess that's true."

I subtly pulled out my phone and pulled up the band's group chat.

Me: omfg this bitch high off xannies

Jake: k. are u talking about urself or Brandon?

Me: Brandon

Will: YO WTF PASS ME SOME!!!

Jake: shut the fuck up, we don't need any scandals while trying to import Brandon to the northwest

Will: :(((

I then switched to my music app and popped my earbuds in.

"Whatcha listenin' to?" Brandon questioned, startling the living fuck out of me.

"Uhh, nothing yet," I answered.

"Well...what are you going to listen to?"

In discomfort, I tapped over to the playlist I was going to listen to. Without a single ounce of my concent, Brandon plucked the earbud nearest to him out of my ear and placed it in his. Even more self-conscious than before, I hit shuffle on the playlist. Of course, because I was in the transition of switches which Las Vegas band I should stan, a Panic! At The Disco song came on.

Brandon scrunched his nose, "you listen to them?"

"Obviously! Being destroyed by Brandon Flowers solidarity," I answered.

"Technically I didn't destroy them specifically."

"Oh you're right, you destroyed these guys--" I tapped on a Fall Out Boy song, A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me. Brandon cringed and I clapped my hands together, "Destroyed by Brandon Flowers solidarity!"

Brandon plucked my earbud out of his ear and pulled out his own phone. "Natalie has called me a total of 20 times -- that's more than she's ever called me during our entire relationship."

"Boy, block her number and turn that phone on airplane mode," I snapped.

He stared at his home screen for a moment then nodded in agreement, "okay -- okay, I will." He went to his contacts and tapped on Natalie's. I watched in anticipation as he hovered over the "block caller" button.

"Do it, do it, do it," I chanted.

With a gulped, he pressed the button.

You will not receive phone calls, messages, or FaceTime from people on the block list.

"Yes, that a boy!" I exclaimed as he tapped the block caller button. "What a fucking power move!"

He giggled quietly as he put his phone in airplane mode and slipped it into his pocket. He let out a deep breath as he settled his head back on the headrest. "Stop me if I try to unblock her," he mumbled, "I mean -- what kind of person does all this?"

I updated the boys via text.

Me: Xanax Brandon blocked Natalie's number

Will: AY AY AY AY LAKSDJFL KJAS LMAOO

Jake: what a p o w e r m o v e

Me: that's what I said

Me: get Quinn in this tf

Will: just showed it to him, he wants to give Brandon his bag of pretzels

****

Eventually, Brandon fell asleep and remained that way until we landed -- actually, he stayed asleep as we landed -- which slightly terrified me. Is this guy fucking dead? I thought. Like a dumbass, I hovered my hand over his mouth and under his nose. I sighed in relief, not dead, just a heavy sleeper. I nudged his knee with mine -- it did nothing. With a huff, I grabbed his shoulders and shook him slightly, finally getting him to stir awake.

"Jesus, dude, how'd you sleep through that?" I chuckled out awkwardly. He inhaled deeply and stretched. Somehow that reminded how truly into him I was -- I thought his breathing was attractive.

"Must've been the Xanax," he sighed, resting his elbow on the armrest in between us. I looked forward as he continued staring up at me. I tensed slightly as I watched from my peripheral vision press two fingers against his lips.

Brandon didn't have nice lips, right? I glanced at him quickly to make sure.

He definitely has nice lips, that's fucking wild, I immediately thought.

I wanted to push his elbow off the armrest so he'd stop staring at me with his nice eyes accompanied by his nice lips and nice...fingers.

The plane stopped and before I could climb over him and out of the plane, he looked away from me. I placed a hand over my forehead and sighed. I'd be damned if Brandon didn't kill me by the end of his stay.

****

"Oh fuck it's so nice to be home," Will groaned after getting out of the gate. "I can already feel it -- the sea seeping into my veins, the hipster vibes clearing my skin, Amazon is flourishing my crops as we speak."

"Do you ever, like, not talk?" Quinn mumbled.

Brandon chuckled, "I don't know how you guys live with each other -- don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but if I lived with Ron, I'd lose my mind."

"That's why none of us have a mind, we lost it," Jake sighed.

"Speak for yourself, Dexter, I have multiple minds," Will clapped back.

I rolled my eyes, "Can we maybe get our bags, children?"

"Alright, mom," Jake grunted.

"I'm your fucking sister," I hissed as if making a revelation.

****

As soon as we got home and Will moved into Quinn's room (which was surprisingly quick) the boys made a beeline to the basement.

"I must impose a warning, we're all going to get very high, do not enter unless you want to die," Jake warned as he made his way downstairs.

"Got you, thanks," I sighed.

"Don't let the smoke get up here," Brandon said.

"Okay dad," Jake replied and darted down the stairs.

Brandon turned to me as I started towards his new room, "does he always do that?"

"Get high?"

"No, call people mom or dad."

"Nah -- truthfully you just give off dad vibes."

"I what?"

I blushed, "uh, yeah, you just kind of -- look like you'd take care of someone."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means--" God help what came out of my mouth next, "--take care of me, daddy."

You wouldn't believe, his mouth dropped and I felt the need to retire and leave the country. I didn't even know what point the joke had -- was it even a joke? The silent shock didn't last long, he followed up by placing a hand over his chest and looking at me with sad, sad eyes. "This is gonna sound dumb -- this is gonna sound so dumb -- uh, Natalie--" his voice cracked, "--used to call me that."

I've never felt so much regret towards letting anyone into my house. This motherfucker was tearing up in my hallway because the ex-fiancé who cheated on him with a hotel employee used to call him daddy and I had just triggered him with it. The most messed up thing about it was how quick I was to comfort him.

I wrapped an arm around his waist, "Yeah, no mention of her in my house, okay? This is all about getting better."

He sniffled, "you're the one taking care of me -- maybe you're the daddy."

"Maybe I should kick you out of my house."


	16. Chapter 16

Will had cleaned out his room pretty well, he even changed his sheets and made the bed for Brandon. I guess the guy can do anything when motivated by weed.

Brandon flopped onto the bed and rested his hands behind his head. He sighed, "I can't believe I'm here."

"Yeah, me neither, honestly," I breathed. I watched as he just laid there for a while. God, what a gorgeous, gorgeous man. "So, uh, I think I'm gonna go head to my room -- if you need anything Will and Quinn are right next door and I'm upstairs at the end of the hall."

He sat up a little, "okay, I'm probably just gonna hit the hay -- so, see you in the morning, Emma."

"Yeah, see you in the morning."

\----

I got back to my room, collapsed on my bed, and almost immediately passed out. This, unfortunately, didn't last long as a couple hours in, my phone began buzzing rapidly beside me.

With a grunt and tired eyes, I looked at it. From the one second of squinting at the light that could have been from the sun, I saw multiple texts from Will. I let out a heavy huff and turned down my brightness to see what he so urgently needed to tell me.

Will: eMMA BITCG COME 2 MY ROOM

Will: QUINNS ROOM

Will: WAKE UP

Will: OMFFFGGG!!!!!

Will: WAKE

Will: UP

Will: AUSJDJFDJJFFJF BITCH!!!

This stream of texts had been sent five minutes ago. I figured that if something had shaken Will so badly that he would text me before going to bed after getting high, it was worth going downstairs.

With a groggy sigh, I left my bedroom and slowly crept downstairs. Everything was quiet and dark except for Quinn's room. I walked over to the door and knocked. Without a millisecond passing, a very high Will flung out of the door.

"Am I high or can a bitch tell me if Brandon is talking to Natalie in my room?" Will hissed.

"You're probably high," I shrugged apathetically.

"Fucking check, I'm literally shaking."

I sighed and pressed my ear against the door opposite to us. Brandon was certainly speaking to someone.

"Holy shit," I whispered.

"Aha! So I'm not high enough -- fuck -- Emma, I just went up here to get some wraps but I got this shit, oh my god."

I furrowed my eyebrows as I tried to distinguish what Brandon was saying.

"Yeah, I'm in Seattle right now, staying with some friends -- w-what? You can't say that, as soon as I get back, I'm moving out," I heard Brandon mumble out.

"This is tea," Will murmured, ear also pressed against the door.

"How do you expect me to forgive you?" Brandon continued, and I was immensely proud of him. "Natalie, what you did -- was-was -- I can't even tell you how shitty what you did was! I don't care how sorry you are--"

Will and I exchanged excited glances. "We stan a savage," he giggled.

"One -- what do you mean 'one last time'? There's...there's nothing you can say that'll make me want this...fuck..."

Will and I'd excited expressions melted into confusion. "What the fuck is going on?" I mouthed.

We tuned back in, "Okay -- one last time -- no strings attached -- just...one last time."

"Bro, what the fuck is about to go down?" Will squeaked out.

"I don't think anyone's around me -- yeah, okay, it's out."

"What's out?!" Will and I gasped.

"Yeah...I'm gonna miss this too," Brandon breathed sensually.

"Oh my god," I sputtered, "oh my god, oh my god--"

"Mmm, that's -- that's hot."

Will and I fell from the door at the same time. "That's so sad," Will spat. "That is so disgusting and sad -- I need 12 showers!"

"We're gonna have to die, right?" I laughed, feeling myself losing my sanity. "That's so fucked..." I curled up in a ball on the floor, trying to process the millions of emotions infiltrating my head.

"I'm so sorry I brought you down here -- I didn't know this would happen," Will apologized with a sad sigh. He sat next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Goddamnit, I'm sobering up and I still haven't got the wraps."

"Will -- if I said I wanted to get high with you guys, what would you say?" I mumbled slowly.

"I would -- I would say you're definitely welcome to and, uh, we're here to keep you safe...I guess."

"Then let's fucking do it."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to get fucked up over Brandon, you know? That wouldn't be healthy--"

"William, let me have this one thing."

Will sighed and stood up, "okay, you can get fucked up over Brandon just this one time -- but just this once! If he messes up again, all you'll get is ice cream."

****

Will and I entered the downstairs chamber with his new wraps. "What took you so long?" Jake groaned, popping out of the ball pit.

"There was a tragic event and -- Emma's here!" Will answered.

"I'm gonna smoke with you guys, I guess," I sighed.

"You're gonna what?!" Quinn coughed out on the trampoline.

"I'm gonna smoke because Brandon is having phone sex with his maybe ex-fiancé, but who knows at this point."

"Jesus...it's been, what, since high school since you smoked with us?" Jake murmured.

"Wait, you let Brandon talk to Natalie?" Quinn continued.

"I mean, you leave the guy alone for a couple of hours and that's what happens."

****

The boys let me have three hits off one of their pipes then proceeded to sit in a circle around me in the ball bit.

"How are you feeling?" Jake hummed.

I picked up a ball and stared at its oddly bright hue. "Umm -- Okay."

"Okay? No fears of impending doom?" Will assured.

"Nope, none -- except for the Brandon situation."

"Do you, like, feel better?"

"Sure."

The boys nodded, continuing to stare at me. "Are you hungry?" Quinn asked. "'Cause I'm hungry as fuck..."

I continued to stare at the ball in my hand, "a little."

"We should go upstairs and get some food."

"Sounds pretty, uhh, good."

Slowly, the four of us climbed upstairs. Unfortunately, on our way to the kitchen, Brandon was on his way out of his bedroom. We were quick to greet him as casually as possible as if we didn't know he was just having phone sex.

He squinted at us suspiciously, "Emma...are you high?"

"Shit bro," I immediately spat.

"Emma..." he quivered in a disappointed almost sad tone.

"Oh c'mon, we all know you just jacked off to a woman who cheated on you with a fool from a three-star hotel!" I snapped.

"Ay, chill," Jake tried soothing.

Brandon blushed, "y-you listened to that?!"

"So did Will!" I protested.

Brandon threw his hands up, "Well, gee, I'm sorry I didn't know that being in your house meant I wouldn't have the right to privacy."

I groaned, "shut up, that's not what this is about, you fucking know this!"

"What is it about then, Emma? What?"

I knew he was fucking with me, which I fucking hated. "I just thought after you blocked her you wouldn't go on and talk to her -- much less phone fuck her! I feel responsible for that, you know? Now there's a chance that you're gonna go back to this person who fucked you up and it's gonna be on me!"

A brand new angry Brandon appeared right in front of me. I was both scared and turned on. "I'm not your fucking responsibility! I'm not a goddamn child, I don't need you to protect me from my decisions, I know what I'm doing!"

I took in a sharp breath, "Alright! Whatever, man, do what you fucking want, I guess, I just want some chips or something." I stomped into the kitchen and threw open a cupboard that kept our snacks. I grabbed something at random and stormed back out.

"You know what the problem is? She's not high enough if she was high enough this wouldn't have happened," Will grumbled as I passed them. I spun around to chew his ass, but I then spotted Brandon making his way to Will's room and spun right back around.


	17. Chapter 17

I awoke in my bed to Jake yelling downstairs. "Goddamnit, we got too invested! We got too fucking into his business and now we're here!" I didn't know the context but I did know that it wasn't good. I took 10 minutes to prepare myself for whatever awaited me downstairs then I took in a breath and got out of bed.

I found the boys in the living room clearly disgruntled by something, Jake especially disgruntled. He was sat in a recliner, head buried in his hands. As he lifted his head up he dragged his fingers down his face.

"Well howdy, Emma," he grinned sarcastically.

"Umm...so...what's...up?" I asked hesitantly.

"Well," he clasped his hands together, "Brandon made an unexpected departure."

My heart dropped, "really?!"

He exhaled sharply, throwing himself back into his chair, "yup! He sent me a text at 5 in the goddamn morning saying--" he pulled out his phone, "'hey Jake! Thanks for letting me stay at your guy's house for a minute while I pulled myself together. I think I know what I want now, tell Emma I'm sorry. See you guys later'."

I could've screamed. Completely in shock I took a seat in between Will and Quinn on the couch. "Jesus, Emma, I -- I can't fucking believe it," Will sighed placing a hand in my back.

"He really went back to Natalie, huh," I murmured.

"We don't know that," Quinn tried to reassure.

"Where else would he go?" I snapped.

"We're done," Jake stated firmly, "we're down with that. Emma, he expected you to go to his wedding knowing full well how you felt, we were there to pick up the pieces when that shit crashed and burned, we open up a fucking refuge for him, and what are we paid? Nothing. Shit. We're done."

"Jake--" I started.

"No! I'm done with him, I should have been done when he took a huge fucking shit on something that I've never been more proud of, but whatever."

I looked at Will and Quinn who both just shrugged a little. "He's right," Will sadly agreed, "I can't take watching you fall for this man who -- who just clearly doesn't care."

"Guys, you can't be serious, we can't just go back to hating him," I panicked.

"We can go back to pretending he never existed," Jake spat.

"Guys, it's not that easy for me, you know how I feel--"

"Yeah, and it's garbage! It's garbage sitting around watching him hurt you and hurt himself!"

Before I could yell back, my phone started to ring. I looked at...Brandon's name bright on the screen. Jake and I exchanged eye contact with each other. He gestured toward my phone, "go ahead! It'd be interesting to hear what he has to say, the asshole -- put him in speaker!"

Slowly, I swiped to answer and tapped the speaker button.

"Hello?" I heard Brandon quietly say.

"Hey," I sighed slowly.

"Emma...I don't really know what to say. Um...I'm sorry."

I was already on the brink with tears. "Are you back...with her?"

"No."

"It's okay, you know, you can tell me if you are..."

"I'm really not -- and that's what I wanted to talk about. I just needed some space -- staying around just made me -- confused."

"What?"

"I don't know -- I just don't know -- that's why I had to leave. I need to be alone so I can figure it all out. Honestly? It's just that staying with you felt like replacing Natalie...and that's just not right...for you or me. I'm sorry."

I was speechless. Maybe Jake was right, maybe we were too deep into his life. "Okay, Brandon -- whatever you need," I decided to say.

"Thanks, Emma, bye for now."

"Um...bye."

With that, he hung up...and that was the last we heard of him until he started touring again.

****

"Emma, I swear to God, if we took every song suggestion from you, this album would be titled 'Brandon Flowers and how he broke my dumb sister's heart'," Jake groaned as the whole band stood in our music room.

"You suck, it's good," I insisted.

"I'd rather die than have my name on a track that calls that dipshit's eyes 'breathtaking' -- really, Emma? Mom didn't raise us to be that fucking corny."

"I know! I know, I know, I know -- it's so fucking bad--"

"This --" Jake jabbed his finger aggressively at the paper I'd written my lyrics on, "-- has the same energy as that vertical video of Halsey singing 'Miss You' at that mall."

Quinn gasped, "Jake, no."

"I had to say it! Brandon is your g-easy and we are one meltdown closer to a Twitter moment!"

I chortled a little despite the fact that I've never been flamed so hard. The little joy I felt was quick to disappear. I sighed heavily and threw myself on the nearest couch. "There's something wrong with me, it's been months and I can't stop thinking about him."

Will cleared his throat, "we've been knew, sis."

I sat up, "no, like, it's none stop, I'm brushing my teeth -- there he is, I'm doing the dishes -- there he is, I'm fucking cleaning the ball-pit -- there he fucking is! I'm getting sick of my own brain!"

"Now that's a lyric," Jake pointed.

"Fuck you, I'm trying to share my feelings."

Jake threw his hands up, "Listen, Emma, with the number of songs I've looked over about your feelings for Brandon, I know what they are."

I paused in thought. "Maybe I should just call him."

The boys all groaned in response -- as they had every right to do. Almost every day I brought up that idea, and the idea never got better.

I tried justifying the idea, "it just fucks me up that I have no idea what he's up to!"

"But who cares?!" Jake argued. "I do not give a single fuck about him! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, maybe I should stop calling."

I ignored his good point, "have you seen his recent performances? He's so...beautiful."

Jake threw his head in his hands in shame, "I hate you, I'm quitting the band, selling the house, and disowning you as my sibling."

****

Ever since we found out weed didn't give me panic attacks anymore, a habit started to form. Every night I'd sit in the ball-pit with the boys and smoke a bowl -- maybe more if Brandon had a big concert.

One night there was a livestream -- and it was over for me.

"Why are we letting her watch this?" Jake huffed, looking at me sit in front of my laptop, crying.

"Bro, it's just what she wants to do," Will shrugged.

"Doesn't matter, 'I Can Change''s a great song to be high to, anyway," Quinn added.

"I fucking hate this band, I should stay true to my word and sell this house," Jake muttered, disgruntled.

"You're not high enough, dude," Will cheesed.

I ignored their banter, slowly getting sadder and sadder, which I knew wasn't good. Typically, I only reached the bottom pit of my sadness at the end of the concert. At that point, I'd just go to bed. This time, it hit me hard just how happy he looked. He smiled as he sang, he smiled at the crowd, he smiled at his band. I started to dwell on how much I missed his smile --

"Where you going?" Will asked as I took my laptop upstairs.

"Too sober," I responded simply.

The boys and I weren't really at home drinkers, so I had to scour the kitchen for alcohol, any of it. Brandon was singing "Crossfire" as I found half a bottle of vodka.

We had a variety of soda that I could have mixed it with, but I chose orange juice. For some reason, in that moment, I decided the screwdriver was the Brandon drink.

I found myself singing along to "Crossfire." I wondered why he wrote such a song, I wondered who he wrote it for, but mostly I pretended it was for me. I could tell I was going beyond fucked up when I started believing it was for me.

****

I didn't know what to do with myself when the livestream ended. So, I just laid in the middle of the living room floor. I had "Crossfire" stuck in my head and it was starting to bother me.

Lay your body down, lay your body down, lay your body down.

I had to call him. I just had to, it didn't matter what the boys told me, it didn't matter what was logical. I was so shitfaced that if I was able to get into my phone, I deserved to call Brandon.

Lay your body down, lay your body down, my head kept repeating as I heard the ring.

His "hello?" Had a hesitance to it. The hesitance startled me into silence.

"Hello? Emma?"

"Brandon?"

He chuckled, "why do you sound surprised? You called me."

I could have cried I was so happy to hear him. "I was just watching your livestream," I managed to speak-- barely. My words were so slurred, he was sure to clock me.

And he did. "Are you drunk?" He asked, the concern in his voice making me sad.

"Why do you sound so surprised?" I mocked.

"Oh, Emma--"

"I just had "Crossfire" stuck in my head, I had to call you, it won't stop, I had to."

"You're so drunk."

"I really enjoyed the concert."

"Yeah? Because you're drunk?"

"No -- you're just so good."

He let out his famous little airy laugh, "thanks."

I paused just to absorb the reality that I was actually talking to him.

"Your hair's getting so long," I continued.

"Yeah -- it is."

"It's so curly and messy."

Another airy laugh, "that's because I have no idea what to do with it."

"I like it! I wanna run my fingers through it."

"I don't think you do."

"You fucking know I do."

He let out a stronger laugh and I thought I'd die. "I missed hearing your laugh. I miss you."

"Emma, gee, I-I -- I miss you too."

"No, not like that."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Less hesitant."

"I miss you too, Emma."

I smiled, boy did I smile. I don't remember ever smiling as wide as I did in that drunk little moment. "You should call me when I'm not wasted on my floor."

"You know...I think I should too."

I was still grinning like an idiot. "Okay...bye, curly."

"Bye, drunky."

"Don't call me that."

"Oh, Emma -- I've missed you so much."

"You kill me, Brandon -- you could have called me anytime."

"I know, I'm an idiot."

"You are."

"Okay, let me talk to you sober -- go to bed, drunky."

"Hey!"

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, curly!"

I could hear another airy laugh as he hung up. If I wasn't so drunk I'd get up and scream -- or anything to tell the world how happy I was.

In a fit of drunken euphoria, I tapped over to my Twitter. Maybe I didn't have to get up to tell the world how happy I was.

Despite that I had spoken to Brandon, I still had "Crossfire" stuck in my head. It took a while to type out, but I managed it--

lay your body down next to mine.


	18. Chapter 18

Somehow, I awoke in my bed. As I rolled over, I froze upon spotting Jake sitting beside my bed, sipping his coffee like a grumpy sleep paralysis demon.

"I'm not gonna yell at you yet because you probably feel like shit," he muttered.

"You're so thoughtful," I huffed, "take your time."

He set his mug down and crossed his legs, "Emma...why did 'Bremma Drama' trend at two in the morning?"

I laid on my back again, "I have a feeling you know."

"I do actually, I do."

I braced myself as we sat in silence. I could feel Jake plotting exactly how he was going to destroy me. "Emma," he finally spoke in the same calm demeanor as a before, "last night, I was trying to have a good time, as one does -- suddenly, I got a flood of notifications, all including your name," he inhaled deeply, "so I go upstairs, I walk into the living room -- I find my little sister, DEAD, quite possibly," he pressed his fingers against his temple, "after, you know, reassuring myself that you hadn't died, that's when I found you tweeting some dumb fuck's lyrics -- now everyone thinks there's some kind of 'Bremma' resurrection! Once again we're somehow related to the man who shall not be named! Emma -- I'm going to throw myself into the ocean!"

"But it was a good thing!" I whined.

That almost sent him, "How -- I -- What? How was it, in any universe, 'a good thing'."

"I finally called him."

"I'm going to vomit -- I'm going to vomit and then run naked into the ocean where I can finally rest."

"Jesus, why are you so pressed?"

He put his hand to his forehead and sighed, "what did you and Brandon talk about over the phone?"

"Well...nothing really, I told him I missed him and he said he missed me too. That's basically it."

Jake put his hand down and a sudden sadness seemed to wash over him.

"What?" I questioned. "What? What is it?"

"I don't know, I honestly don't fucking know -- it's just one of the main things people were talking about was that Brandon was spotted with Natalie before the concert."

My heart went directly to my ass, "excuse me?"

"Yeah -- Brandon doesn't get the paps called on him frequently but when they're there -- oof."

"Wha-what's the context?"

"They were leaving a restaurant. Brandon looked -- pretty happy."

I groaned, "what the fuck?"

"That's what I fucking said! I can't stand this guy at this point, yet here we are!"

As if Brandon could hear Jake's bitterness, a text from him buzzed in immediately after.

"Oh God," I groaned, "it's him-- he just says 'hi'."

"Well tell him to go fuck himself! Tell him that our weird alien building is bigger than his and that he should go fuck himself!"

Another buzz. Jake and I made painful eye contact as I slowly checked.

"It's a video," I stated.

"I'm gonna vomit."

I squinted at the thumbnail and unfortunately, instantly melted, "he looks cute."

Jake made an expression at me that could only be described as, White Guy Blinking.gif.

I raised an eyebrow at him, "I'm going to watch it."

"Who the fuck sends a video?"

"You know for a fact, whether you hate him or not, it's very on brand for him."

"Yes...it's very on Brandon, I guess."

"Just for that I'm definitely watching it."

I tapped play and after a second of buffering, there he was, soft and squinted face in a hotel room.

"Hey Emma-- I don't know why I'm sending you a video -- I guess I don't like texting, whatever, I just wanted to check in since you clearly had--uh--a night," he spoke, "if you remember, I meant what I said -- so call me, uh, whenever you have time."

I looked up at Jake with a cooky smile. A bit too cooky for his taste, I suppose, because the amount of anger he looked at me with was probably enough to melt Brandon all the way south of us.

"Don't say anything," he heaved out in a whisper. "That's a clown in your phone."

I bit the inside of my cheek.

"Not a word," he repeated.

"I love him," I spurted.

He flung himself backward, "I am going to rip my own eyebrows out."

"I don't know what to tell you! He's adorable!" I gushed.

Jake picked up his mug and stood up, "don't say I didn't warn you about him," he spoke ominously then left my room.

****

I called him after Jake left, of course.

"Hello?" Brandon answered in a bit of a sing-songy tone.

"Hi Brandon," I sighed, almost as if the weight of the entire world was lifted off my shoulders.

"Emma! Rough night, huh?"

"Oh yeah, you know how it is..."

"I saw your tweet."

I placed a hand over my face in embarrassment. "You did?"

"Of course, it was the only thing in my mentions after the show-- Ronnie even texted it to me-- hell, so did Natalie."

The sound of her name made me want to remove my whole head my neck. "Oh yeah-- how's that going? Heard you're talking to her."

"Ah-- it's complicated."

My eye twitched. "Cool."

"Emma-- you're not gonna chew my ass about that are you?"

"No, no, not at all--"

"Good, 'cause I really miss our friendship."

If Jake were still in my room, he would have grabbed my phone and yeeted it across Lake Washington—

But I was a fool, so I kept taking.


	19. Chapter 19

Over the span of time between the Crossfire drunken night and The Paper Airplanes releasing an album, Brandon and I only spoke casually and in short bursts of texts. This was only because of his "complicated" whatever with Natalie. No one knew what was going on. According to Will, even Ronnie didn't know what was going on. So I decided to follow Jake's advice and leave it alone.

When we were touring the album and found ourselves in Vegas, the band was split on whether or not we should tell Brandon.

"Listen, I just want to eat at a buffet on his tab with Ronnie again," Will reasoned.

"Valid argument but I'd rather die," Jake answered.

"It's just not worth it in my opinion," Quinn added, "I don't want to be involved in any drama."

"There's no drama!" I argued.

"But there's so much potential drama," Jake groaned.

"This is so sad, Alexa, play 'break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored' by Ariana Grande," Will sighed.

I burst out laughing, "just for that, I think we win!"

"Oh get fucked," Jake heaved through a cackle.

"I'm texting him."

"And I'm going to lay down and die in my bunk."

****

Thus we were in an Uber to Brandon's house.

"What if Natalie's there?" Quinn asked.

"Then we are respectful to her rat-ass," Jake sighed, "I suppose-- I can't promise anything."

"I thought you hated Brandon?" I questioned.

"I hate everyone getting married at Circus Circus on that specific day and hour."

****

Jake let out the most disgruntled and disgusted sigh in Nevada as we stepped onto Brandon's driveway. He turned to me and gestured up the driveway, "after you."

I walked passed him and up towards the front door. With a nervous breath, I rang the doorbell. Within a moment, the door opened, and there stood Brandon Flowers in all his Vegas glory.

He broke out into a smile. "Hey guys!" He exclaimed before taking me by surprise and wrapping his arms around me.

I couldn't help but note the details in the short hug. The scent of freshness and hint of cologne, his firm structure; his scruff brushing against my face.

He went on to hug the rest of the boys, even Jake, who I'm surprised let Brandon within ten feet of him without killing him.

"Come on in," Brandon spoke walking further into the house.

I let Jake walk passed me, "you're a fake little man," I whispered as he did.

"I'm plotting my attack."

The house was big, I couldn't lie. I mean, our house was big too, but there were four of us living there. "So, just you in this-- mansion?" I asked as we stood at the end of Brandon's tour-- a pool.

"First of all, not a mansion, second of all, yup, just me," Brandon replied, "but it won't be if you guys want to stay the night or whatever."

"I would rather gouge my own ey--" Jake stopped himself, "we already have a hotel booked, but thank you for the offer."

"I'll stay here," I blurted, "um-- must be pretty lonely, huh?"

"Well, sometimes Ronnie comes down and stays with me here."

"And Natalie?"

"No, actually, we haven't--uh--been to each other's new places yet-- we're taking it slow and healing from...you know."

"Oh we know," Jake snorted under his breath.

"What was that Jake?"

"Nothing, just admiring the view."

****

We stayed at Brandon house until the boys could no longer stand it.

"You guys can go back, I'm staying here, remember?" At that point, not even I knew what the hell I was saying.

"Okay..." Jake hummed, clearly hiding his disappointment.

"I'll just drive you guys so Emma can grab her stuff and come back," Brandon offered.

For a moment you could clearly see that Jake wanted to scream. "Yeah that sounds great," he replied instead.

I was then sat in the passenger seat of Brandon's ugly orange Ford pickup truck with all three of my bandmates glaring at me through the rear view mirror from the back.

What a life I was living.

After I retrieved my stuff, Jake looked like he was seconds before getting on his knees and begging me not to leave with Brandon.

I went to say bye to Will and Quinn. "Break up with your girlfriend--" Will sang.

"--'cause I'm bored," Quinn finished.

"Shut your fucking mouths," I hissed.

The sun was setting by the time Brandon and I were on the road again. "You good?" He checked.

At that point, I hadn't looked at him since getting in his truck. I couldn't bear to look at the sun setting behind him... I might as well pitch the idea of covering "break up with your boyfriend, i'm bored" to the boys.

"Listen, if this is weird, we can go back."

I looked at him, fuck did I look at him. There it was, his stubble brushing upon the sharpness of his jawline, the ends of his hair curling around his neck, and-- oh my God-- Why was his sleeve folded up like that? He was wearing that stupid little gray shirt with the pocket and his dumb little sleeves were folded up, his biceps right there.

"No, this is chill, it really is," I coughed.

"Good-- I've really missed you, Emma, it's been so long."

"I've missed you too, I'm glad I get to see your hair like this in person."

He grinned, "Yeah, I have no idea what I'm doing with it," as if he wanted to kill me right there, he ran a hand through it.

"Well...it looks good on you."

"Thank you."

I turned away before I could pass out at the sight.

****

When we got back to his house, he brought me up to what he previously introduced as his guest room. "The only person who's ever stayed here is Ronnie, so if you find anything weird, let me know."

I laughed awkwardly, finally comprehending that I was alone in Brandon's giant house, "Yeah, I'll make sure."

Brandon sucked in a breath, "you sure you're alright? You all have been so tense."

"Yeah! Just give me a while to warm up, it's been awhile, you know?"

"Oh yeah, I get it...uh...I guess since the sun's down-- can I get you a drink?"

"Since when did you drink, Flowers?"

"Since forever-- but I recently started again-- just 'cause."

"Okay-- show me what you got..."

You would have thought since my screwdriver incident I'd stay away from alcohol and Brandon Flowers, but two drinks in with him, that clearly wasn't an option in the first place.

We were tipsy, sat on his couch, and unfortunately, he was looking delicious at that point. We just talked about touring and the new album-- nothing risqué, yet there was a bit of intensity under our conversation.

"Hey-- just for the hell of it-- you wanna get in the hot tub?" He murmured a bit darkly, watching as he swished the ice of his finished drink around.

That sent me, I was flabbergasted. "I-I dunno, I don't even think I have a swimsuit."

"Oh-- I don't wanna seem pushy but, uh, that doesn't really-- matter."

"You know what? I'll go check."

"Okay. I'll go make us another drink."

I made my way back to his guest bedroom, entered, and just stood there. Was I going to fuck Brandon Flowers in his hot tub? No. No, I was not. Was I?

No. Fuck.

I knelt by my suitcase and dug through it, praying for a bathing suit. If I had to swim around in my underwear around Brandon Flowers, I was definitely going to launch myself into the sun.

I felt the wonderful feeling of spandex and polyester against my hand and let out a sigh of relief.

The alcohol soothed me as I changed out of what I was wearing. Under sober circumstance, I would have not done what I was doing. Brandon was really about to see 95% of me.

I found my way back to Brandon, who stood at his various drinks, pouring one. He slowly looked up at me and for a minute I was afraid he might see my heart beating. "Look at you," he smirked, picking up the two filled glasses.

"What the fuck, I'm out here naked and you're still in your dad clothes."

He laughed, "follow me."

I crossed my arms and followed him to the sliding door that led to his pool-- and the hot tub. Once we stepped outside, he walked over to the edge of the hot tub and sat the drinks down. Then, I shit you not, he looked me dead in the eyes and pulled his shirt over his head. The logical side of me wanted to look away as he then casually stripped off his pants and tossed them aside along with his shirt, but drunk me kept my eyes glued.

Now, Brandon Flowers looked exactly what you think he'd look like standing under the moonlight in his Calvin Klein boxer-briefs. They had to be that brand too because anything else would be inadequate for the secrets he hid under his clothes.

I cleared my throat, "So, this big of a house and you can't get yourself a pair of swim trunks?"

He shrugged, "my house, my tub, I can do whatever I want." With that, he stepped into the tub. Once he settled, he took a sip of one of the drinks and looked up at me, "come join me."

I asked Jake for forgiveness before grabbing my drink and joining him on the opposite side of the water. We studied each other for a while, sipping our drinks. I watched intently as he sat his down and made eye contact with me before stretching out, letting out a slightly suggestive groan. 

My finished third drink told me it was time to crawl closer to him. I planted myself with two feet of space between us. That was still a small enough space for him to rest his arm around the edge of the tub and touch my shoulder. The water might as well have been sexual tension because from then on we were bathing in it.

He brought his arm back and I let in that bit of disappointment that came with it. I continued watching him, and as if he knew I was, he slicked his hair back-- at that point, I was literally going to eat him he looked so delicious.

"What a wonderful night," he finally spoke, breaking the silence that built as we let the sexual tension take over, "usually it's too hot to get in here-- and hey, you can even see the stars."

I looked up, "oh yeah, they're beautiful."

In unison, we made eye contact and said, "not as beautiful as you."

We both burst out in a fit of giggles. There was a pause as he looked at me before closing the gap between us. I set my glass up on the edge.

"I really missed you," he murmured.

"You should prove it," I mumbled back. Every last thing that we held back was about to spill under the stars at that point.

He slowly rested his hand on my thigh...not too riskily, just above my knee. "How do you want me to, Ms.Dexter?"

I was going to devour him.

The gap in between us was so far closed, I felt like I was morphing into Brandon and the sliver of air separating our faces was painfully small. "How do you want me?" Brandon whispered slowly-- and the sliver was gone.

A part of me thought I was just in a lucid dream, so figured I should go all out before it was over and I'd wake up in a tour bus bunk. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders before pulling myself over his lap. I felt his hand find its way further up my thigh and with that he groaned slightly as I moved my hand up his chest.

I found his hand at its end-- just resting up against me, playing with the edge of my swimsuit just enough to tease me. He slipped a finger under for just a moment, making me gasp and pull back.

"Are you okay?" He sputtered, the shy side of him that I adored to its ends returning momentarily. 

"Yeah-- Yeah, you just startled me, that's all," I breathed.

"Okay."

"Well? Are you gonna put it back?"

He grinned, "actually," his tone turned back into mischievous, "I was thinking...it's kind of stupid I put you in the guest room-- do you wanna just come up to my room?"

"I was thinking you'd never ask."

We pulled ourselves out of the hot tub. He picked up the glasses and quickly made his way inside, I followed him. He sat the glasses on the coffee table that sat where he and I spoke before. Before I knew it I found myself upstairs entering what was obviously the biggest room in the house.

I could go on about the way he scurried through his room looking for a condom, how gentle his fingers felt against the nylon I was so happy to find but then so eager to get rid of, what his lips looked like, parted, as he removed the last thing that hid his secrets, but one thing anyone needs to know is:

Brandon Flowers looks exactly how you would think in complete ecstasy, lit by the moonlight through floor to ceiling windows, laid out on top of a kind sized mattress.


	20. Chapter 20

Jake: Hey, you having an alright time?  
Jake: Hello?  
Jake: k I take that as a yes  
Will: break up with your girlfriend   
Quinn: yeah yeah cause I'm bored  
Will: YOU CAN HIT IN THE MORNING  
Quinn: LIKE IT'S YOURS  
Will: I K N O W I T A I N T R I G H T  
Jake: shut the FUCK up  
Me: okay lowkey  
Will: she lives!!!!  
Quinn: yuh yuh  
Me: okay lowkey   
Quinn: ...  
Quinn: ...  
Quinn: wait...  
Will: WAIT...  
Will: omfg u did not!!!  
Will: EMMA WAIT!!!  
Will: eMMA PLEASE  
Will: what do you MEEEAAAN  
Quinn: did y'all 👀 fiddle  
Me: lowkey  
Will: YO I GOTTA GOOOO  
Will: finally TBFHHHH  
Jake: I   
Jake: I'm gonna kms   
Jake: EW.  
Jake: fuck all of you  
Will: Okay on the down low u can tell me  
Will: rate his pipe game  
Me: 10  
Me: I literally nutted into a new plane of existence. I'm embarrassed!!! Sorry, Jake!!!!  
Will: goals sis, good for you!!!  
Quinn: 👏👏👏 love that for you

I set my phone down and looked over at Brandon who began stirring a little. He rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes before looking up at me. "Already awake?" He breathed.

"Yeah."

He looked confused for a moment and sat up. He brought his hand forward up to my neck, "oh God, this bruise-- did I do this to you?"

I laughed nervously, "probably." I looked passed his face and down his body and found that he was in even worse shape, hickies in a thick line all across his chest. He noticed that I was looking and looked down himself, he moved the hand on my neck to the line, "I feel like I asked you to do this."

"Did you?"

He studied them more, "oh yeah -- no, I definitely did."

I then remembered. I was on top of him and we were mid...you know. I leaned down and put my mouth over his chest, "is this okay?" I looked up and asked. He looked down at me and said, "oh fuck-- yes, yes please, I want to know that you were here for days."

He continued looking down at his chest, running his fingers across the bruising. "Uhh...honestly, it was--uh-- really hot when you left these--" he cleared his throat.

"Was it?"

"Yeah..."

"And you want to do it again."

He cleared his throat again, "yeah."

Before either of us could comprehend, he had slammed his bedside drawer open, whipped out a condom, and was in-between my legs.

****

Me: So...  
Me: I let him hit it in the morning  
Jake: JFC!!!!!!  
Will: omg love that  
Me: and lowkey in the shower 👀  
Me: rn I'm sitting at his kitchen island watching him make breakfast and I might just fuck around and let him in the kitchen  
Will: UGH you thot ily  
Me: I'm joking but should I 👀👀👀  
Will: idk SHOULD you aakskskjd  
Quinn: take your time too bitch! Soundcheck isn't until 3!!! You have 3 hours to have your way!!!   
Will: omg PLEASE fuck in that pool for me it's literally my dream UGH   
Me: lol we'll see

Before I could crack any more jokes, Brandon spun around and sat a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me. He was back in his dad clothes and in his shy and awkward personality. "Who're you texting?" He asked setting his own food and himself across from me.

"Just the boys," I answered putting my phone away.

"Oh yeah, you probably need to get going soon--"

"Oh no, not really -- soundcheck isn't until three according to Quinn."

He smirked, "guess you're stuck with me then."

"How tragic."

****

Brandon and I made out a full two times in between conversations before repacking my things and getting into his truck. "I'm excited to see you guys live again," he said as we drove to the venue, "I've been waiting for this since you dropped the album."

"I'm surprised you even listened to it," I laughed, "oh man, that's embarrassing."

"Why?"

"I'd say a quarter of it is about you."

"No shit?"

"About 100% was going to be about you if the boys didn't stop me."

"Damn, that sure is something-- are you gonna write about your stay here?"

I knew he was teasing, but it really hit me that he was probably right, "you wish, Flowers, I'm just expecting an entire album about me in return."

He let out a light laugh, "I'd have to release another solo album, I think Dave and Mark would officially leave the band if I pulled something like that."

****

Only when I got to the venue was when I realized the boys did not have poker faces. They had pretty funny, "we know you fucked," faces though.

"Uhhh... it's good to see you guys again," Brandon said awkwardly before disappearing in discomfort.

Will was the first to speak, of course, "wow-- you're a changed woman now, fucked the lead singer of The Killers-- does that mean all the sexual energy in our performance will be gone?"

"Fuck off, Will," I scoffed with a bit of a laugh.

"That's exactly what you did when you left us."

"Personally," Jake murmured dimly, raising his hands in the air, "I'm disappointed."

"Damn bitch, you're just upset Brandon gave the good pipe to Emma and not you," Will snapped.

"In general I don't want men around my sister, let alone some sleazeball who has a girlfriend."

"She's not his girlfriend," I argued, not letting it hit me that she existed at all.

"As I've said, don't say I never tried to warn you," Jake once again said ominously.

****

I was slightly nervous during soundcheck as I knew Brandon was somewhere listening. Every now and then he would pop out in front of us to compliment us, which, unmistakably disgusted Jake to the core.

When we finished and we had a bit of time to kill, Will immediately found his way to Brandon with us at his heal.

"Listen, I'm gonna be straight up with you, the only reason why I'm talking to you right now is because I insisted we tell you we're in Vegas," Will said, "and if I'm being completely honest, it's because I wanted to go to a buffet with you and Ronnie."

"Lies," Jake scoffed with an eye roll, "he said he wanted to have dinner with Ronnie on your tab."

Brandon took a moment to process their nonsense before bursting out in a small fit of laughter, "Well, uh, Ronnie's not in town and I'm not sure we have the time--"

"Oh, I have all the time in the world, Flowers."

****

Once again, we were at the Caesar's Palace buffet, the boys filling up on food as though they've never seen it before. "I didn't know you guys were this hungry," Brandon joked.

"Always," Will murmured around a bite.

Brandon turned his attention to me, "how about you? You doing alright?"

"You're the only meal I need," I coughed.

Will began genuinely hacking next to me, which brought snickers from Quinn and me, but absolute horror from Brandon, who was almost beet-red from my from my comment.

"Oh my fucking God, really? Right in front of my salad?" Jake sighed which made Will cough more.

He swallowed hard, "y'all are gonna kill me!" He wheezed then noticed Brandon laughing nervously. "Oh honey, you are so wholesome and good-- who would have ever thought you'd be involved with this trainwreck of a band."

****

We had approximately ten minutes before our show started when we arrived back at the venue. This meant we had to do some shady back door entrances, which resulted in us losing Brandon along the way.

"We'll find him eventually," Will assured before we stepped on stage.

****

The show was great, loud crowd, multiple funny "Bremma" shippers, and not a single spotting of Brandon that we knew of.

"Fucking tag yourself, I'm the sign that said 'Emma, there's a certain kind of flower that grows in Vegas' with the side eye emoji drawn," Quinn laughed as we wandered backstage.

"Personally, I'm the girl who just screamed 'Brandon Flowers' when we played anything from the new album," I shrugged.

Suddenly I saw Brandon walking up from the opposite side of the room. Instinctively, I went up to him immediately.

"Hi!" He greeted with a smile, stepping closer to me. "You did so good!"

"Thank you so much," I breathed, still giddy at his compliments.

He turned his attention to the boys, "you guys too."

Quinn and Will thanked him while Jake just looked at his phone and said, "we have to get on the bus in ten minutes." They all made eye contact before leaving me with Brandon.

"I had such an amazing time here," I smiled up at him.

He smiled back and took me into his arms, "me too."

"We fucking have to keep in touch this time, I won't be able to stand not talking to you like I did."

"Yes, of course."

He kissed my head...

And we didn't talk for 3 months.


	21. Chapter 21

It drove me fucking crazy that all I got from Brandon was radio silence and a million "I told you so"s from Jake.

I spent my entire break off tour high, tracking whatever moves I could get from Brandon on social media.

"This is bullshit," Will scoffed, watching me squint at my laptop, holding a joint in my free hand as we sat in the ball pit, "if a guy did this to me, even if he was Brandon Flowers, he'd be dropped so fast, y'all would forget his name. Have you seen anything about Natalie?"

"No, thankfully," I replied, "and if I ever see him with Natalie after the 48 hours we had, I'd shoot myself in the foot."

My phone buzzed and I thought I was tripping every last ball when I saw the text notification stating Brandon's name. "Holy shit," I spat, tossing my phone at Will.

"Ah!" He yelped, fumbling for the airborne phone. He looked at it, "oh shit! Oh fuck! What do want me to do? Do you want me to read it to you? Fuck!"

"Read it, read it, read it!" I stammered, my entire heart falling into my ass.

"What the actual fuck, it literally just says, 'can't take this anymore, see you soon', what in the fuck?"

"You're shitting me!"

"I fucking wish," he crawled over to me and showed me the vague text, "Emma what the fuck does this mean? I'm fucking shaking dude, what."

I couldn't do anything but stare at the text, "I gotta fucking call him, right?"

"I mean-- yeah? I don't fucking know, dude!"

I grabbed the phone and tapped over to the button to call Brandon. Straight to voicemail.

"I gotta fucking GOOO," Will sputtered, "that's the shadiest shit I've ever seen, lock y'all's windows! He's a fuckin' comin'." He pulled himself out of the ball-pit and disappeared upstairs.

****

The Paper Airplanes household was especially high that night. We all gathered in the ball pit hoping Brandon didn't crawl out of our vent or some deranged nonsense. We made sure Jake was off his shits completely just in case nonsense did go down and he wasn't able to murder Brandon.

We stayed wide awake until a crisp two in the morning. The pit was littered in chip bags and soda cans, Will and Quinn were binge watching YouTube videos analyzing literature, Jake was sat on the edge like a goblin, eating the last bag of chips, and I was staring up at the ceiling, listening to the faint patter of the rain, wondering what I was doing with my life.

When the doorbell rang, all four of us let out a beyond startled scream. "Oh my God, is he fucking here? Oh God, oh God," Will blubbered, slamming his laptop closed. "What the fuck? What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?"

Near tears, I quivered out, "shit, shit, shit, oh my God, someone come with me, oh shit, oh God."

In a panic, all three of them followed me up the stairs to our front door. Through the darkness of the house, we peered through the window near the door.

The first thing I noticed was that he cut all his hair off.

There he was, a soaking wet puppy-eyed Brandon at my doorstep with only a backpack.

"Y'all, I might be high as fuck right now, but I still say don't let him in," Jake mumbled.

I unlocked the door and opened it. In retrospect, the whole situation could have been romantic if I hadn't been high out of my mind and if Brandon and I had actually spoken in the past three months. "What the fuck?" Was the only phrase that came to mind and what I could get out.

He looked up at me, eyes wider and more puppy-like than ever, and then he started crying.

Weak as hell, I pulled him in and let him take me into his arms. "I'm sorry," he cried, "I fucked up again, I don't know what I'm doing, I fucked up."

And he really did. A part of me didn't want to deny that, but the rest of me just wanted him in my arms like he was. I let go of him and looked back up into his sad, wide eyes, slowly I cupped his face, "come in, we'll talk about it."

The boys collectively made the unspoken decision to go back to the basement. Will had to get the last line in, "Yo, not to be fucking weird or anything, but I should write a sonnet about this."

"Jesus Christ, what is wrong with that man," I whispered under my breath and tried sobering up a bit before returning my attention to Brandon once again. He truly looked like the most helpless he'd ever been, he didn't even look like he did the night of his wedding. I took his hand and led him into the living room.

We sat on on a couch and he wiped his tears with the sleeves of his flannel. God, his dumb little flannel, that alone could have won me over, he didn't even have to apologize for the dumb silence. "I'm so sorry, I told myself I wasn't gonna cry, I cried all the way here, even in the taxi," He blubbered.

"Brandon...why are you here? W-what have you been doing the past three months? Also-- your hair's really short."

"I don't know what I'm doing here," he sniffled, "I just got the tickets when I texted you-- I guess I'm here because I'm sorry-- a-and I can't be sorry enough."

"Why three months? Why now?"

He paused, staring down at his tightly clasped together hands in his lap, "Do you want me to be honest? I don't-- I don't know if this is going to hurt you or not."

"Of course."

"Natalie. Natalie's the reason why it took three months. I wanted to officially leave her after you were in Vegas-- but it scared me because she's all I've known-- I guess that's the only reason I crawled back to her after what she did the night of her wedding... I don't know, I don't want you to think over these three months I've been choosing between you and Natalie as if Natalie even compares to you" he shook his head and then looked up at me, "Emma..." he gulped, "I-- I think I'm in love with you."

I couldn't believe such words would ever leave that man's mouth, all I could do was feel my eyebrows raise and my own mouth fall open.

"I didn't think anyone could care about me like you do," he said, his words fading out into a whisper. "Natalie never cared."

I grabbed his face, "don't say her name."

"Okay, Emma-- hey, I like the sound of that better."

I grinned softly at him, "let's go, you need some rest," and my entire heart was obliterated as I watched him smile back between my hands.

****

I sat on my bed and watched Brandon strip down to his boxers and a t-shirt. The strange thing was how non-sexual that ritual had suddenly become, I was just so happy for him to be there.

I decided to reach over for my speaker remote and put on some music. Brandon being around reminded me of the playlist I was listening to when he came to my hotel room that one day.

He crawled next to me, "Falling For You" by The 1975 softly playing between us once again. He giggled lightly through his post-cry sniffles and rested his head on my shoulder, "is this on purpose?"

"You remember this song?" I questioned.

"Of course! It's my guilty pleasure, Ronnie always seems disgusted when he catches me listening to it," he adjusted his head so he could look up at me, "truthfully, listening to this song was the first time I felt something for you-- I couldn't even take my eyes off of you, I only said it reminded me of-- you know-- because I was so fucking scared of what was happening."

"That's so weird-- that's when I finally admitted to myself that I had feelings for you."

He adjusted his head again, nuzzling my neck a little, "Remember the night I spent at your hotel room? You held me just like this because I was heartbroken-- gosh, why is it always me crying to you?"

"I don't mind it this time."

"This time?"

"Yeah because now I can do this--" I turned my head and kissed the top of his, then his forehead-- multiple times, "--though I kind of miss the curls you were rocking at the time."

"I don't..."

His sleepy voice was driving me nuts. I wanted to cuddle him so hard not even Jake at his peak rage could separate us. I slipped down the bed so I could lay down and Brandon followed.

"Goodnight, Emma," he mumbled, draping an arm over me and pressing a nose again my neck.

I had to kiss him on the forehead again, "goodnight."


	22. Chapter 22

I felt a moment of panic waking up next to Brandon. I hadn't talked to the man in three months and there he was, soundly sleeping in the bed I spent those three months sleepless in. Even so...God, did he look beautiful and soft in the gentle light provided by the cloudy skies of Seattle. I almost hated him for it-- if he didn't so easily get me like that, I'd have kicked him out and onto the street the night before.

I found myself sat up staring at the Nevada necklace he insisted on wearing. I recalled he had worn it during the 48 hours I was in Las Vegas, he had worn it during his wedding disaster-- hell, I think he was wearing it when I first met him in person. Subconsciously, I hooked my finger around the necklace where the pendant was, with a gentle tug, I managed to accidentally wake him up.

"What're you doing?" He rasped, giving me a soft smile against his pillow.

"Oh, you know, admiring you or whatever," I muttered back.

He hummed and closed his eyes again, "you should just-- sleep with me."

I was gone, "you're cute."

"Sleep, baby," he mumbled. "Can I...can I call you baby?"

I laid down again, "at this point you can call me anything."

He softly snickered before speaking slowly, "I love you so much."

"Brandon...we still need to talk about that."

His eyes fluttered open, "what do you mean?"

I hesitated a little, I really didn't want to ruin this, everything was so perfect—just him laying in front of me, sleepy and...just so perfect. However, I couldn't just ignore the last three months, the last three months that I thought would just fucking kill me. "I can't ignore that you hurt me, Brandon," I spoke softly, as if it would somehow preserve the perfection of the moment.

"I know, I know," he breathed, "there's not enough apologies in the world to fix that. I'm so sorry."

"You know I love you too, but I can't just keep watching you crawl back to Natalie and then show up at my door crying again. The only thing that hurt more than the last three months was the idea that Natalie would keep destroying you. I can't be your second choice when this evil person is your first."

"Emma...I love you, only you. Like I said, I don't ever want to make you think I just spent the last three months choosing between you and Natalie, in the grand scheme of things it's always been you. I was just scared of leaving her, not scared that I still loved her. I love you, I love you, I love you, shit, I love you, I'll tell the whole goddamn world."

"If you say I love you again and tell me that I am the whole world, I'm putting you back out into the rain."

He giggled and kissed me, "I love you. I'm sorry, even if it's the corniest."

****

After laying around for another hour, Brandon and I made our way downstairs where we found the boys eating breakfast and playing video games.

"Fuckin' finally!" Jake exclaimed. "Thought y'all were gonna stay up there forever."

"So what the verdict?" Will asked. "You guys staying together or are we gonna have another scandal?"

"Well-- speaking for myself, I think this time this is forever," Brandon spoke.

Jake groaned, "I'm gonna kill myself."

"Jake!" I exclaimed.

"Listen! I put up with a lot of shit, and it takes a lot to bring out the 'protective older brother' out of me-- it takes a lot to get me to care about this clown that I shared a womb with-- why the hell should I magically believe that this will have a good outcome?"

"Alright, alright -- we're backing out of this one, you can't fight your sister's boyfriend and play at the same time, sorry, bro," Will sighed.

Jake tossed his control aside and walked up to Brandon. "You've done this shit before, you come into our lives acting like the most innocent creature in the world, and then you run off to your shitty little girlfriend -- then you expect me to empathize with your dumbass standing at my front door at three in the goddamn morning? Brandon, I'll tolerate you for as long as you make my sister happy-- but there is not a single goddamn thing that has proved that this time's not a load of bullshit. Until you prove me that-- I'm not doing anything more than tolerate you." Then before Brandon could even say a single word, he stormed downstairs.

Brandon eyed Will and Quinn who had already adjusted to Jake's absence in the game. "You guys don't feel the same way, right?"

Quinn shrugged, "who gives a shit at this point?"

"Yeah, dude, Jake's right with the bullshit stuff-- you haven't been the greatest, man," Will added. "I don't give a shit anymore, you leave, you leave, we clean up Emma's mess-- who knows, maybe one day Jake'll finally kill you."


	23. Chapter 23

"I have no idea how this trip is supposed to stop me from hating Brandon to the core," Jake mumbled in the back of Quinn's car, crammed in with Will and I. We were on our way to the airport, all holding tickets to Las Vegas. "This is just making it easier for me to get ass-fucked wasted and gamble all his money away."

"Hey now," I began to argue, "he's really excited for this trip, so can you please try to get along with him? Just for me?"

Jake gave me his best "what the fuck" face. "We've been over this, I'm still waiting for him to leave."

"Well, he can't leave in his own home."

Jake rubbed his forehead and sighed, "Emma, sometimes you make me want to launch myself into a volcano -- and it's bold of you to assume I'd stay at Brandon's! Plenty of other options, plenty."

"Please, Jake -- this could be really good for you guys--"

Jake cut me off, "this could--" he raised an eyebrow, "--this could also present a perfect opportunity to kill your 'boyfriend'." He held up air-quotes around "boyfriend" which, for whatever reason, made me irrationally very, very angry. I socked him in the shoulder as hard as I physically could with Will wedged on the opposite side of Jake. He yelped and glared at me, "ow! What the fuck?"

"Fucking -- " I was flustered, "you fucking had it coming! You know how much I want Brandon and me to work, I'm scared of him leaving too, you know! You don't always have to be a dick about it!"

His glare turned into an expression of a lost puppy. "I'm sorry," he breathed, "I just don't like seeing you hurt -- dude."

"Are you -- are you guys alright back there?" Brandon awkwardly asked.

"Shut the fuck up, pinhead, can't you see we're having an emotional sibling moment?" Jake responded sharply. I punched him again. "Ow! Sorry, sorry, Brandon -- I was just letting out some steam before we go on a plane ride, heh, you get it, buddy, right?"

Brandon simply smiled and nodded, however, still visibly a bit frightened.

****

"So...what are we all planning to do when we get there?" Will asked as we sat at our gate.

"First of all, we need to decide whether or not we want to get a hotel room or if we want to stay with Brandon," Quinn replied.

"I'm down for whatever -- Jake?"

Jake looked up at Will from the venti coffee he was drinking, "we should stay at Brandon's."

Brandon's face lit up as he sat down the tall coffee he was drinking, "yeah, that sounds great! I'd love to have you guys."

Jake clenched his jaw, took a sip, and turned his attention away from us.

"Wait, I want to know what your drink options are, I plan to not spend a single second of this trip sobber," Will said.

Brandon shrugged, "anything you want."

Will squinted, "for free?"

Brandon nodded, "and 24/7 access to the pool."

Will threw him back and let out an inappropriate moan, "oh fuck yeah, hotel Brandon it is."

****

Two hours and an Uber later, we had all arrived at Brandon's house, and I was watching the boys use the pool from the master bedroom balcony.

Brandon walked up next to me, "I'm glad they're enjoying themselves."

"Yeah, me too -- and I'm glad they're doing something else besides getting high in our ball pit," I sighed. Brandon smiled and wrapped an arm around me. "Hey, thanks for not putting me in a separate room this time."

Brandon scoffed and rolled his eyes, "don't mention it -- I am your 'boyfriend'," he air-quoted like Jake previously.

"You are my boyfriend-- unless you don't want to be."

"Clearly I'm just a friend who's been sleeping in your bed for a month."

I poked him in the stomach making him double over. I poked him again and again, making him step back again and again until we were in the bedroom. I stopped poking him as we stood beside his bed. 

"So, the last night you were here?" Brandon smirked, crossing his arms.

"What about it?"

"You texted your entire band the morning after?"

I blushed, I truly hated him as much as I loved him, "they texted me." 

"What'd you tell them?"

I could feel myself blushing more, "nothing detailed."

"What'd they ask?"

"Ha-- can't remember..."

"Are you sure?"

I rolled my eyes, "if you really must know, they asked me to rate your fucking pipe game."

Brandon's expression changed from sly to confused, "what does that mean?"

"Take away from 'pipe' from that phrase."

His eyes widened, "oh!"

I laughed, "what else were you expecting?"

"I just thought they asked what we'd been doing, I didn't think they knew and were asking you how, uh, good I was..."

We stood there silent for a minute. I smirked, "you want to know what I told them, don't you?"

It was his turn to blush, "maybe."

"I told them ten." 

"Out of?"

"I don't know, I just told them ten."

He raised an eyebrow and I groaned, "ten, I assume -- ten out of ten, dumbass."

He grinned at me and took my face into his hand, "I love you."

"Weird thing to say after I call you a dumbass."

"It's a compliment coming from you."

"You're corny and I love you too -- so much."

He leaned down and kissed me

and kissed me

and kissed me

and then somehow I was pulling his shirt off, and...you know.


	24. Chapter 24

By the time Brandon and I came outside, so much time had passed that the boys were too chilled out to notice that we were gone. All three of them were just floating on innertubes on the pool, bouncing off each other.

"Well, at least we know they didn't hear anything," Brandon whispered.

I slightly glared at him, "we weren't that loud."

"Keyword -- we."

"What is that supposed to mean, Mr.Flowers?"

He simply smirked in return, which gave me a brilliant idea. I was going to throw him in the pool -- whether I was as loud as he insinuated or not.

I wrapped myself around his torso and pulled him towards the water. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" He said, half chuckling, half clearly terrified. By the time he struggled back, I had already pushed him in.

"Holy shit!" Will exclaimed, pulling down his sunglasses and looking at the splash. Jake and Quinn sat up as well to look at the commotion.

Brandon swam up to the surface, slicking his hair back, he screamed, "Two can play at that game!"

\--And what do you know, all of a sudden he had his enormous hand around my ankle and I was in the pool with him.

"Yo, what kind of foreplay is this!" Will shrieked.

"This is gross-- but also kinda hot," Quinn chuckled.

"Everyone in this pool is disgusting," Jake added, "I'm gonna need more drinks if this is going to continue."

I ignored them and was completely focused on Brandon. Partly on messing with him and partly on feeling up every part of his body, which is wet clothes clung to in such a magical fashion, I thought I might just drown.

I jumped on his back, "how's it going, boyfriend?"

"Emma Dexter, this is not what I had in mind when inviting you over."

"Fully clothed in a pool?"

"Yes -- yes, fully clothed in a pool and making you scream."

"Ew! I fucking heard that I heard that, I gotta go!" Will suddenly yelped, aggressively paddling away.

****

Eventually, Brandon and I got out of the pool and went to fuck again -- I mean -- get changed. By then, the boys were also out of the pool and sipping various alcohols in the living room.

"So, did you guys want to do anything while you're down here?" Brandon asked, slowly approaching them.

"Yeah, we were planning on going out, just giving you two some space," Quinn mumbled. "Y'all don't really don't get any space back home -- not that it really matters."

"Oh," Brandon blushed, "that's nice of you guys."

"Also, three punks who aren't afraid of dying on the streets of Vegas? We don't want to expose you to that."

Brandon blinked rapidly, "as long as you -- don't actually die."

"We can't promise that," Jake snickered.

Brandon looked more uneasy, "Okay-- just call me if you get into any trouble."

"Thanks, papa."

****

The boys disappeared in the depths of the night and if I'm going to be completely honest, it was nice to be with Brandon, alone, to feel like a real couple. "Did you want to do anything?" He asked eventually. "I'm a bad host and even worse boyfriend -- you're really all I should be concerned about."

I shrugged, "you shouldn't be, I just wanted to be with you."

He grinned somewhat dopily, "I love you." He pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. "You know maybe we should go somewhere, go on a proper date."

"Hmm-- I'd like that -- nothing fancy though, I kind of hate that shit."

"Anything."

****

Thus, I was fondly staring at Brandon as he was halfway through a steak. I was having a chicken-something, but at any point, it didn't matter because, for the first time since before the Natalie nonsense, I felt like Brandon and I were just normal people.

He was telling me about all his favorite things about Las Vegas and I couldn't believe even for a moment I would think that his love for Vegas was in any way exaggerated by outside forces -- he genuinely was in love with the city. "Wow, I wish you talked about me like you do Vegas."

"Oh trust me, I do," he sighed.

"You're just flattering me."

"No really! Ask Ronnie -- ask anyone I talked to before visiting you in Seattle -- hell, ask my ex."

I stifled a laugh, "that's bad...what do you talk about?"

He sat back and rolled his eyes, "What isn't there to talk about? The fact that you're a great musician -- that's just the surface level statement -- I have categories in my head about specific details that make you a great musician. Also, how you're so caring, and not to mention, so incredibly forgiving. You're always evolving and changing -- you never cease to amaze me by bringing something new and unique into my life --"

I stood up and slightly launched myself over the table, grabbing his face in my hands and kissing him. I could feel that the people who surrounded us were probably disgusted or wondering what the fuck was going on, but I really didn't care, my heart was so full.

"That was rude," Brandon smirked, "I wasn't quite finished."

I sat back down, "oh I'm sorry, go on."

"I was just gonna say--" he grinned, "--I don't know. You're just one of my favorite people in the universe."

I couldn't help the ridiculously wide smile that grew upon my face, "I love you."

"You have no idea how nice that is to hear from you," he sighed, "I love you, too -- so much."

****

The night was perfect -- but of course -- nothing can be perfect.

On our way home I received a text from Quinn, it simply read, "need help. Lost Will and Jake. Don't know where I am, sent you location."

"What's wrong?" Brandon asked, sensing the shift in energy.

"Um, Quinn needs help -- that's all he said, that and location."

"Oh -- okay, let me see where he is and see what's up."

I pulled up the route to Quinn's location on my phone and showed it to him. He glanced at it a couple of times before taking the turns to begin following it. As we drove closer to the marked destination, an uneasy feeling started settling within me. I tried telling myself that the boys got fucked up all the time and they probably just needed to be picked up -- but nothing could erase the feeling.


	25. Chapter 25

Quinn's location was in the middle of the strip, however, was not near any building. "This is so fucking weird," I shuttered out nervously.

"Oh -- I see him!" Brandon said suddenly.

I glanced in the same direction Brandon was a spotted Quinn sitting on the sidewalk, staring at the ground with a helpless look in his eyes.

"I'll drop you off and park the car -- see what's going on," Brandon suggested.

"Okay."

He pulled over and I started getting out.

"Wait!" Brandon interjected.

"What?"

Brandon's expression shifted into clear anxiety, "be careful."

I nodded, "I will -- you'll only be gone for a few, right?"

"Yeah," he responded, not seeming any less nervous.

I slowly shut the door then watched him drive away as I approached Quinn. "Quinn, what's going on?" I asked with urgency.

He looked up and his eyes lit up upon seeing me, "Emma! I don't know, honestly, I don't fucking know, one minute I'm having the time of my life, the next I don't know where anybody fucking is."

"What do you mean, Quinn?"

"I lost Jake and Will! We were at a club and they were fighting with this lady, I didn't want to get involved so I stayed behind -- and the next thing I knew, they were gone!"

"What the fuck? What club?"

"The one at the Encore..."

"The lady was gone too?"

"Yeah."

"What did the lady look like?"

"Brunette -- super tall -- kinda familiar."

"Familiar?"

"Yeah, I felt like I saw her somewhere -- clearly Will and Jake had because they started the fight."

I felt a sinking feeling like I had never felt before. There was no way, right? There was no fucking way in a world so big that the woman was who my fucked mind thought it was. No fucking chance.

Brandon's voice broke me from my disbelief, "Hey, what's going on, guys?"

"Jake and Will got in a fight with a woman and then disappeared with her."

Brandon blinked rapidly, "I-I don't know why I'm surprised, you guys did say you weren't afraid of dying."

"Yeah, not like this!" Quinn exclaimed then dipped his head in between his knees. "Fuck! I'm still drunk."

"Have you tried calling them? We could call them--"

"My phone's dead."

I immediately reached for my phone and went to Jake's contact. I called his phone which rang for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, on the last ring, I heard a very quiet, drunk, "hello?"

As much as I knew I needed to hold back on him-- I just couldn't. "Jake? Jacob Dexter where the fuck are you?! You just left Quinn here to fucking die?!"

"Uhh...Emma...you're not gonna believe this but--" he inhaled sharply and drunkenly, "--we're in Natalie's apartment."

It was my turn to blink rapidly, "I'm sorry-- what the fuck?"

"I know! I don't know how we got here, God, Emma, I am so drunk..."

"Send me your location, we're picking you up."

"Are with with Brandon? Nooo-- don't pick us up if you're with Brandon! I don't want him to go through this-- as much as I fucking hate the motherfucker -- I don't want him to see her again."

"That's sweet -- now send me your location."

"I'll fucking try -- I can't make any promises, I was too drunk to call you about five minutes ago, sooo..."

"Oh my God, get Will to do it then-- just find us a way to get there, okay?"

There was a pause and then an, "Okay! I was holding a thumbs up and then realized you couldn't see me."

"Oh my God, Jake-- just stay safe, okay? I don't know what she's capable of..."

He laughed, "Yeah, alright-- as if you couldn't take on Natalie."

"Ha ha, yeah -- where is she anyway? Can she hear us?"

"No, she's been gone for like 5 minutes -- I don't know what for."

"Well -- whatever, just don't make her kill you."

"I won't! Now hang up so I can do the thing!"

"Okay, bye Emma."

"Bye."

He hung up and all there was left to do was wait.

"What happened? Where is he? Is he okay?" Brandon asked.

"Um-- I don't know how to tell you this..." I managed awkwardly.

Brandon's eyes widened, "What is it?"

"They're at your ex's for some reason."

Brandon's jaw dropped and a ghostly look washed over him. "Are you fucking kidding?"

"I wish I was."

"We don't know that right?" Brandon chuckled out hysterically. "Jake could have just been drunk out of his goddamn mind."

"That's true -- we'll see when we get there."

My phone buzzed and I was both relieved and upset to find that Jake had sent me his location. I sucked in a deep breath, "Okay, let's go."

Brandon rubbed his forehead, "I guess."

"Quinn, can you stand up?"

Quinn looked up at me, "interesting question," he stared off for a moment, "no."

Before I could do anything myself, Brandon reached down and grabbed Quinn's arms, pulling him up. Before Quinn could stumble over, Brandon reached under his knees and lifted him up with minimal effort. Sadly, yes, I was very attracted to that despite the circumstances.

Brandon carried Quinn all the way back to his truck. The fear of what we were about to face settled in after Brandon sat him in the backseat and crawled up next to me. "I cannot believe this is happening," I mumbled out.

"Well," Brandon shut his door, "I'm not surprised."

"What do you mean you're not surprised?"

"She'd do anything to mess with me."

I clenched my jaw. It had been so long since the last time I had to hold him because of something she did, I forgot that's how it was. "I'll snap her in half."

He smiled slightly, "I'd hope so."

****

I felt more and more panic as we grew closer to the destination. I tried taking deep breaths, but nothing could calm my down thinking of all the nonsense that could happen.

Suddenly, Brandon reached over and grabbed my hand. He rubbed his thumb against the back of my hand, "just remember we'll get through this -- Jake and Will are going to as well -- no matter what's happening there, we have each other's backs."

In any other circumstance, I'd vomit, but in that case, he made me want to vomit less. I looked at him and felt as though all that was right in the world settled in his worried gaze, "I love you."

He briefly looked back at me, "I love you, too."

That was really all I needed.

****

We sat in the apartment complex for a while. "I could just go on my own," Brandon suggested, "someone should probably watch over Quinn anyway."

"No, I don't want you to go up there alone," I whined.

"You can trust me."

"I know I can, I just don't trust her -- at all. I don't even trust her not to murder you -- if she murders you, I'd hope she'd at least murders me too."

"She won't murder me, we don't even know it's her."

"Who knows at this point! Please just let me go with you."

"Fine-- Quinn, are you gonna be okay in here?"

Quinn looked up and nodded, "do what you need to do."

Brandon rolled the windows down a bit for him before we got out. I sucked in a deep breath before rushing to Brandon's side. "I am a bad bitch," I told myself.

"Yes you are-- do you wanna hold my hand?"

"Yes please."

He interlaced his fingers with mine and lifted my hand to his lips. "You can't be so sweet while I'm angry and confused, it's too much for my little brain," I sighed as he kissed the back of my hand.

He chuckled, "sorry, I just want to calm you down a little."

I smiled at him slightly, "it worked." It really did, I was feeling infinitely more safe than I had before. I pressed the elevator button and we waited for our doom.

"Have you been here?" I asked as we stepped in.

Brandon shook his head, "never, this is new."

"Where would you see her?"

He shrugged, "we used to live in the same neighborhood-- I guess she moved."

We got up to the correct floor and, hands still clasped together, we stepped out. Slowly we navigated our way down to the apartment number Jake provided. Standing at the door, both of us just stared at the peephole staring back at us.

"Don't ever tell me I wasn't a good sister," I huffed before knocking on the door.

For a moment there was noise before someone came to the door. Brandon held my hand tighter as, slowly, it opened.

A lady, who was not Natalie, opened the door. "Oh my God, finally, I thought no one was going to pick these two up."

Once Brandon and I got over the shock, the relief settled in. "Holy shit," I mumbled out, "I'm so sorry—what the fuck—but also how?"

"Well, uh, I recognized them and they just seemed really drunk -- so I, uh, took them home -- which seems really weird now that I say that out loud -- really, I just didn't want them to get hurt! I swear it's not as weird as it sounds."

The poor thing looked like she was about to cry, and now here we were, Emma Dexter and Brandon Flowers, absolutely prepared for murder at her front door. I sighed, "I'm sorry you had to see them like that -- and I'm sorry I just randomly showed up! They said they were-- um, in danger-- had I know they were just chilling with a fan, I would've just—whatever. Can I make this up to you?"

"Oh, no thanks, I just wanted to do a good thing," she suddenly glanced between Brandon and I, "not to be invasive -- but are you...here in Vegas—for him?"

My heart dropped to my ass at the sudden realization that practically no one knew that Brandon and I were officially together. Before I could say something stupid to cover my ass, Jake and Will stumbled to the door. I quickly grabbed them both by the arm and started stepping away, "thanks again for saving these dumbasses!"

"Oh, um—no problem -- and I won't say anything about any of this, I promise!"

"Thank you," I exhaled, not fully believing her but grateful at the idea.

"Have a good stay out here."

"Thanks, Goodnight!"

"Goodnight."

With that, I was dragging Jake and Will like rag dolls down the hallway.

****

"So, she wasn't a big Mr.Brightside fan, huh?" Brandon said after we managed to cram the two in the backseat with Quinn.

"Oh my God," I scoffed, "thank, God -- imagine if she shipped us?"

"I don't know what that means, Emma."

"What I mean is -- what if she just rushed to her phone to show the whole world that half the Paper Airplanes got fucked up and went to her apartment, then called the lead singer and her secret rockstar boyfriend and they show up in full fight or flight mode?"

"Yeah, what if?"

"Wh-What do you mean?"

"When are we gonna tell the world?"

"First of all, odd timing but okay, I was thinking when Jake stopped wanting to kill you."

"I sure hope that now, otherwise I'd leave him out to dry."

"I guess -- so whenever you're ready..." I trailed off.

He smiled, "tomorrow?"


	26. Chapter 26

It was 3:30 A.M. and I was staring up at the ceiling listening to Brandon snore his sinuses away next to me. Jesus, he sounded like a motorcycle. It was technically tomorrow. It was possible in eight hours, the whole world could know that I spend every night listening to that motorcycle and that I want to do that every night for the rest of my life, hopefully. Things were moving fast, well, no shit. Things were moving so fast I didn't even realize how fast they were moving. One minute it's been three months since I heard anything from Brandon, the next I'm laying next to him snore his lungs out. Fucking hell, I need to get him nose strips.

Will and Quinn basically treated Brandon like a hook-up of mine walking into our kitchen at eleven in the morning. They'll talk to him, they'll tolerate him, but if he's not going to be there the next morning, what's the point?

Obviously, Jake hated him. Which hurt more than anything— and could I blame him? Looking at my relationship with Brandon logically, why would any good brother like him? Having to watch the Natalie shit show, then watch him hook up with me then ghost me for three months, finally showing back up without warning—what is there to have trust in except for one high altitude fuck and a month since he showed back up and maybe my intuition which, in theory, is shit because any normal person would have left a man groveling on their door step at two in the morning in the fucking rain where he belonged.

Brandon snorted, startling me and interrupting my thoughts before I could completely get into the idea that maybe I couldn't even trust him. His snoring intensified and I finally grabbed his shoulder and shook him awake.

"Huh? What's happening-- are you okay?" He asked groggily as soon as he could form a coherent sentence.

"Yeah, you've just been snoring," I murmured.

He rubbed his eyes and sat up. Blinking at me to adjust his eyes he spoke, "did I seriously keep you up all night?"

"No, go back to sleep."

He rested his head against me, "you sound stressed."

I sighed, I really didn't want to break this to him that early in the morning, "I don't know if I want to tell everyone yet."

He blinked rapidly again, "w-why?"

I sighed again, "I'm sorry, it's just that-- the boys don't like you-- hell, Jake hates you," oh fuck, I was on the brink of tears, I couldn't believe I admitted that out loud.

Brandon sat up from me and paused, "I know," he said quietly.

So I was crying, a first for us. "Jake might be my literal biological brother, but Brandon, all three of them are my brothers. I always imagined them loving my boyfriend—there's no immediate solution to make them like you, everything is happening so fast, they just need time. We need time."

Brandon stayed quiet for a moment.

"I'm sorry, I should have waited until tomorrow."

"No, you're okay. You're right things are happening so fast—I didn't even think about it."

I chuckled, "me neither, until right now."

He leaned back against me again, "we can keep keeping low," he giggled slightly, "if the world knew about us, I know that Jake, Will, and Quinn would get sucked into it and I wouldn't want them to pretend to be happy for us when they don't even like me yet. Yet."

"Yes, yet, hopefully."

We just sat there for a minute until he looked back up at me, "you still love me though, right? I still love you."

"Duh."

"Do I really snore?"

"Yes, every night."

"Shit."

****

I found Quinn and Will rummaging around the kitchen like rats when I woke, which was around 12 in the afternoon. The king of rats, Jake, was floating around in the pool—kind of like the DVD screensaver. I could hear Fleetwood Mac's Landslide playing on a speaker at the edge of the pool, which indicated that he was truly going through it.

I walked outside and up to the corner he was about to bounce off of, stopping him with my foot. He lifted his sunglasses and squinted at me, "hello."

"Hey," I murmured. "How's it going."

"I vomited in one of Brandon's sinks this morning and he has so many I forgot which one," he breathed, placing his shades back down.

"Well, it probably wasn't Brandon and I's bathroom, probably not the kitchen sink either, Quinn and Will are around that, so that leaves the other three. Was it upstairs or downstairs?"

"I don't know my cardinal directions anymore. Up-down, east-south, all but concepts."

"He'll figure out eventually." I paused, "do you remember anything from last night?"

"Not a damn thing. Not a single damn thing since getting in the Uber from Brandon's."

"Well, long story short, Quinn lost you guys because a fan picked your plastered-asses off the street, Brandon and I thought it was Natalie, but it was just some woman who knew us."

"No shit. I always miss the good stuff."

I kicked water up at him. He grabbed onto his floatie as he rocked back and forth. "Easy there! I'll vomit in Brandon's pool too."

I rolled my eyes, "you need anything?"

"Ibuprofen and water please, it feels like there's 30 little Brandons kicking the walls of my head."

I pushed him away with my foot and walked back in the house.

I then became the fourth rat in the house, rummaging each bathroom for ibuprofen (Jake threw up in the bathroom near his room upstairs, if anyone, anyone at all was interested). As I rummaged through Brandon and my bathroom, I heard him walk up behind me, "there you are!" He exclaimed, sounding like the clouds disappearing into the sky.

I smiled and turned to him. He was sweaty. "You're sweaty."

He laughed, "yeah, I just got back from a work out."

I was drooling-- was I drooling? I couldn't feel my face, metaphorically, of course, I wasn't having a stroke because of my hot boyfriend, was I? No. He was just-- so sweaty. "W-where-- when-- where what that?" I tried saying cooly, even leaning against the sink-- to prove how cool I was.

He slicked his hair out of his face, definitely to taunt me, not because the swirls of his hair was itching his forehead, fuck, how did it even do that? Droop down in a single strand like every hot character in the universe. His little giggle popped my bubble of yearning, "about two hours ago, in that little shed-thing by the pool."

I blinked, "I could have watched?"

"I don't know why you would want to," be walked passed me and pulled his shirt off. Shit, he was about to hop in the shower before I could turn into Kirby and envelop every part of him.

"Brandon," I honked out as if I wasn't dating him and was back in that hotel in California. "Do you have any ibuprofen?"

He grinned at me, "for Jake, right? I saw he wasn't doing too well." He stood in front of me and had the audacity to reach over behind me like that. I was shocked and pleased to know that he didn't smell being that wet. Wet, ha.

He grabbed what I presumed to be the ibuprofen I was blind to and handed me the bottle with a unfortunately cocky smirk. It was a mistake to my hormones and Jake to let Brandon know I found him attractive.

I stood in the same vibration I did opening that hotel room bathroom in California that fatal morning as Brandon stood in front of the shower and took his bottoms off. He still had that same stupid smirk as he stepped on the shower. I contemplated bursting in, fully fucking clothes, before slamming the ibuprofen on the sink, declaring that Jake shall Rest In Peace--

and the rest? Well, I guess the world definitely doesn't have to know what Brandon and I do.


	27. Chapter 27

Was Brandon and I going at it in the shower, letting Jake vomit by the pool, the clam before the storm? Possibly.

There Brandon was sweeping Jake's yak into a trashcan.

"You'd think for a man with so many sinks, he'd have someone to clean his pool," Jake murmured, still listening to Fleetwood Mac, Dreams this time, probably because he vomited to his fifth round of Landslide.

"I do, but they only come once a week because I'm typically the only one here," Brandon murmured, picking the trashcan up and walking to his hose. "And I'm typically not throwing up."

"I'm sorry, dude," Jake sighed.

"It's okay, I'm just glad you made it out of the pool, that would have a been a bitch to clean." He finished by hosing down what was once Jake's target, "there, all gone." He put the hose away, walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulders. "Well, what are we gonna do today?"

That was the last thing said before total chaos. Will and Quinn burst through the doors behind us, clearly distraught and terrified.

"Holy smokes guys, what's up?" Brandon innocently said.

That's when Will broke down. Brandon and I looked at each other in horror. I turned my attention to Quinn, "what happened?"

He took a deep breath, "it's hard to explain, we fucked up," he held his phone up to me and there it was. A picture of my two band mates I've known longer than I haven't just...kissing in the middle of a club.

"That's why we were in a fight with a lady! It wasn't the same girl who took us to that apartment, I knew it," Will sobbed.

Jake was out of the pool at this point. "Holy shit, holy fucking shit, you're right," he said in absolute shock. "Things were happening so quick I dead-ass thought we got kidnapped by Natalie but that girl just saved us from her before things escalated!"

I couldn't even fucking comprehend everything spilling out. One minute, Jakes vomit is all over the side of the pool, the next my drummer is on his knees sobbing.

"We didn't want to tell you guys like this," Quinn spoke softly, "it's so recent...we just figured things out before we got here, we don't even know how to fucking label ourselves."

Will reached for Quinn and Quinn squatted down time him, taking him into his arms with a gentleness I've never witnessed in the band. "We're together," Quinn deadpanned, "we kissed in the heat of the moment in the club and..."

"That fucking bitch Natalie, out of all people, place, time, was there to snap a picture of it. I barely saw it and I thought I was going to get arrested for murder that night," Jake growled, actually shaking with rage.

"Did you know?" I asked him carefully.

He softened a little, "not until that night...and I don't think I had to know. Honestly, I don't think this relationship is more complicated than your's."

Points were made.

I looked at Brandon, who was just staring right at Will and Quinn, before I could check on him he just crouched down in front of them and took them into his arms. "I'm really happy for you guys," he mumbled into their shoulders.

Will cried harder and together Jake and I wrapped ourselves around them too. "Listen, even if all this goes to shit, which it won't, anyone not willing to accept you two doesn't deserve our music or anything, we will always be here for you," I said.

"This whole band's kind of gay anyway," Jake croaked, a sobbing mess as well, "I'm so fucking proud of you both, I'll kill anyone who gets in between you with my bare hands."

****

Later that afternoon, when everything processed enough, the boys, Brandon, and I sat at Brandon's dining room table thinking of what to do from there.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am-- that I brought this into your lives," Brandon frowned, "I knew she was evil, but I didn't think she was this evil."

"It's not your fault, Brandon," Will sighed, "you can't control her."

We all sat there in silence for a moment. "What if Brandon and I --" I spoke slowly, "what if we put our relationship out there to take the attention off the picture."

"We wouldn't ask you to do that," Quinn assured. "Besides, I don't know if it would take anything away or if it would just add more to the fire."

"Well...PR manager what do you think about the idea?" I looked over to Jake.

He gnawed on his thumbnail nervously, "I think Quinn is right, you'd have to really blow your guy's relationship out of proportion to make it seem like it's not just a cover up for what's happening."

"I—" Will started, then stopped.

"What is it?" Jake asked.

"I don't know, I was just thinking--w-what if we just owned up to it?" Will murmured.

"You shouldn't if you don't want to."

"Well it's too late, everyone knows anyway and I don't think I should be ashamed for finally finding something that makes me so happy."

"Okay, if that's what you want to do."

"You guys don't care that we'd lose fans?"

"Fuck them fans, dude! If they can handle Emma and Brandon, but can't handle you and Quinn, then they have issues and I don't care about them."

Will looked over at Quinn, "do you want to?"

"I guess so, yeah," Quinn responded.

Will reached over and grabbed his hand, "are you sure? You don't sound sure."

"I'm as sure as I'll ever be and I--I trust you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologizes for willxquinn being so random...15-year-old me wanted it and I think he deserves it


	28. Chapter 28

Later that night I sat curled up under Brandon's arm, both of us unable to sleep. "What am I gonna do about Natalie?" Brandon mumbled into the darkness.

"Kill her-- I mean, talk to a lawyer, what she did had to be illegal right? I can't fucking believe she's still alive," I grumbled.

"That's a good idea -- geez, haven't reached out to my lawyer in about a decade."

"I love that for you, my unproblematic man."

Brandon chuckled before going back into his thoughts. "What did she think she was going to accomplish anyway? How does she even know you and I are together?"

"I don't know and truthfully I don't care how she got us here, all that matters is that she did and I'm-- so beyond pissed, Brandon, I can't explain to you how pissed I am. If anyone should have been outed, it should have been us, we'd be safe and people know anyway, but with Will and Quinn -- she took it all away from them. She took away them telling us how they wanted, which I'm sure would have been adorable and no one will ever experience that. Instead we, the whole world, experienced a coming out with her disgusting little hands all over it. I'm so fucking sick of her."

Brandon tightened his hold on me, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-- I should have listened to you the first time and every other time."

"It's never your fault, you might have been stupid but she has been evil."

****

Days passed until it was the day before we had to go back to Seattle. Each day passing was more miserable than the last for Quinn and Will, Brandon was really good with the comforting and Jake and I were really good at having untamable rage towards Natalie. We wanted revenge so bad, the only thing stopping either of us from breaking and entering Natalie's residence was Quinn and Will's pleads not to. That last day must have been the breaking point. The band entire band was present for breakfast that morning, Brandon absent being an absolute angel and a half making phone calls to attempt to speed up the legal process.

"I think we should just officially tell them today," Quinn mumbled.

Will choked on his spiked coffee, "today?"

"Unless that's too soon for you?"

"No! I mean, everything was too soon for me, but that doesn't matter now-- if that's what you want, that's what I want."

Quinn sighed heavily, burying his face in his hands, "I just don't want to be in the spotlight again, especially like this. When I pictured coming out, I literally just pictured uploading a video of me walking out of a closet in, like, three years."

"It could still be that, we can both walk out of the closet, I'm down."

"It just doesn't feel right, I mean, I still desperately want it to be casual but I feel like they deserve an explanation."

"You could come out on a livestream," I suggested, "and Jake and I could be with you like any other livestream."

"I could come out with my love for Brandon's pool," Jake suggested.

"Better yet, Brandon and I could go public too, that would really stick it to Natalie specifically," I shrugged.

For the first time since the news broke, Will smiled. "I like that idea, I mean, that must have been what she was trying to stop right? Brandon finding peace with you--or in general--but if we show her he did anyway and that we're fine too--she loses," he looked over at Quinn, "are you in babe?"

If there was a world where I was skeptical of Will and Quinn, that world was obliterated by the asteroid that was the slow grin on Quinn's face when he met Will's gaze. "If you think it's a good idea-- as long as all other parties involve are in."

"If Brandon's not down, then too bad, I'm tired of being here and not being able to post about every little cute thing Brandon has done," I said.

Jake ironically threw up a piece sign, "when your boyfriend contacts his legal team for you, hashtag goals!"

****

I found Brandon speaking in his professional cowboy voice by his pool and waited for whatever serious conversation he was having to end before breaking the news to him that the world was about to know about us. He hung up with a sigh and turned around, facing me. The smile that crept onto his face after, I realized, was something I could annoyingly tweet had we not been keeping us private.

"What's the news?" I asked.

"Well," he scratched the back of his neck, "everyone's having trouble getting in contact with Natalie and her team, it's speculated that she posted the picture to a gossip website and fled--somewhere--immediately after."

I cringed, "God, I hate her, whatever. Will and Quinn want to come out today."

Brandon raised his eyebrows, "really? That's exciting!"

"Right? The catch is though-- they want it to be a casual thing with Jake and me in it-- and I offered us to talk about us as well, just to show Natalie that she didn't win anything."

Brandon grinned once again, "that's also exciting! Are you sure? This is the only thing that's changed since we had the conversation saying we should wait."

"Well, back then, um, like, nine days ago, I didn't think your ex would come for half of my band and force them out of the closet, neither did Jake-- so I'd say Jake's dislike towards you and my fear of things not working out again has paused."

"Fair enough, trust me, I am not leaving ever again."

"Pinky promise?" I held out my pink and pouted.

He giggled and linked his pink with mind, "pinky promise."

****

The band plus Brandon gathered in the living room. Will sat down next to Quinn on a couch with his phone opened up to his Instagram and took a deep breath. "Are you guys ready?" He asked. Jake, Brandon and I nodded. He locked eyes with Quinn, "are you ready?" Quinn gulped and nodded his head. He tapped over to the livestream page and started it. "Oh fuck, how are there already people in here? I'm gonna wait a little before-- addressing the fuckery -- so everyone has the chance to get in here-- aw, y'all are already being so sweet, hi!"

Will spent some time greeting everyone before taking a large, shaky breath. "Okay, do you guys are probably wondering about-- the fuckery! I don't know how else to address it, it's fuckery. Yes, the band is in Las Vegas, no your eyes don't deceive you, that picture--uh--was not photoshopped, Quinn and I are--marshmallow mateys, if you know what I mean. We're--together." A pause and then Quinn kissed Will on the cheek. Another pause, "are you fucking serious? No, this is not a prank! Here--" he grabbed Quinn by the chin and kissed him, "you think I'd kiss this man with his stanky-ass breath if I didn't catch feelings for him? Whatever! Y'all are crazy, speaking of Las Vegas, Emma has news too, we're competing to see who can give you guys the most whiplash." He handed me his phone and the speed in which Brandon ducked away caused wind.

"Hey guys, how are we? Yes, the Paper Airplanes said gay rights, we would have if Will and Quinn weren't 'marshmallows mateys'. Anyway, Brandon say hi," I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and pulled him into frame.

"Hi!" He smiled awkwardly.

"You guys were unfortunately right, I love this nerd, you can stop bringing the signs to the show now," I sighed then kissed him on the cheek, "lots of grossness in this livestream, I hope you guys are okay, I'd be logging out."

I handed Will back his phone and he read the comments for awhile, "where's Jake? He's over here fifth wheeling," Will pointed his camera at Jake, "any comments?"

"I don't need a relationship if I have Brandon's pool," he responded, "that's all."

Will laughed and put the camera back onto himself, "well, there you go. I guess the moral of the story is, love whoever you want, even if that's Brandon Flowers-- and don't let ex-girlfriend-models get in the way-- oop! Did I say that? I gotta go, see you all when I see you!"


	29. Chapter 29

I found myself staring out an airplane window looking at the Vegas skyline trying to ignore any fear I had. At my core I feared that leaving Brandon meant leaving Brandon because it was always what happened. Two hours before, I had spent 30 minutes on the verge of tears in the parking lot, saying my goodbyes to Brandon and he held and kissed me with such sincerity I almost felt bad for doubting him at all.

"Emma?" Jake asked gently, probably feeling that something was wrong, sibling telepathy or something like that.

"Yeah?" I sighed.

"What's up?"

"Things are different, right?"

"Uh, yeah."

I paused, "you know what I mean."

"Emma, you got all the brain cells in the womb, I do not know what you mean."

I turned to him, "you're gonna think I'm bad."

"Obviously not, Emma, you could probably kill someone and I'd still somehow rationalize that you're somewhat good."

"I'm afraid of leaving Brandon."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"Well-- that's not bad. It's not like you've experienced anything other than him ghosting you-- since I think I'm done with trashing Brandon, I think that won't be the case this time."

"You're done with trashing Brandon?"

"I'm trying-- life is too short. I don't trust him, I barely like him, but I don't hate him."

"That's actually reassuring."

"I have no problem embracing him-- time will just have to tell whether he's worth that or not."

Time.

I deeply wanted some fast resolution that would heal any abnormalities in Brandon and I's relationship. Something that would prove to anyone and mostly me that we were the one and only. Yet with such little time, everything was left unknown.

****

Once returning to Seattle, The Paper Airplanes took a well deserved break-- even though technically we were already on a break. I think the boys just preferred our next album to not be about Brandon, which was a valid concern as all that lived in my mind was dramatic songs about persevering through complications of a relationship and uncomplicating that relationship.

Luckily for me, things were working out and I think Brandon was trying to be the top tier boyfriend and make up for the lost time. He even picked a date to fly out to Seattle and see me, he set up an entire countdown on his phone to prove it. This he proudly showed me over FaceTime on his laptop.

"Oh wow, look at that," I cooed, pretending not to be entirely head-over-heels whipped, "you just have had to download an entire app for that."

"Yup," he grinned. Fuck, he was ridiculous.

"Did Ron have to show you how?"

He retracted his phone and faltered a little, "maybe."

"You're so cute, I miss you."

"I miss you too!"

I paused just to watch him nervously shift for a moment. "I just want to hold your face in my hands right now," I mumbled, chin rested on my palm.

"Yeah?" He questioned.

"Mhmm."

"I can get there sooner." He picked up his phone and started tapping furiously like a dad would.

"What? I wouldn't ask you to do that--"

"Fuck it. I want to, the band stuff can be put on hold."

"Well shit, if it's that easy, now I know why it takes you guys so long to put out an album."

He looked up with an eyebrow raised and slightly smirked, "or I could just come when we planned?"

"No! I wanna hold your scruffy face in my hands so bad! Reschedule your flight-- I just wanted to flex that The Paper Airplanes have put out two albums since The Killers' last."

"Oh man, you're leaving me conflicted."

"Brandon, please, I just wanna kiss you and wake up next to you in the morning and just listen to it rain-- c'mon baby, let me have this."

He chuckled, "okay, fine, I'm now coming two weeks earlier."

"Two week? Hot damn! So only a week and a half until I get to squeeze you to death?"

"If that's what you plan, yes."

****

"Hmm, do I like Brandon yet?" Jake contemplated as the band sat in the ball pit the morning of Brandon's arrival. "In the context of, do I like waking up to his dumbass laugh and my sister's more than my two best friends boning? Yes."

"Hey man, we're quiet," Will gushed.

"Not quiet enough! Put a pillow between your headboard or something."

"Wait, I'm confused, do you like Brandon or not?" I asked.

"Well, no-- but sometimes he's okay," Jake shrugged, "I like that he says hi to us on FaceTime, that's cute."

"I like that you guys fight over who should hang up first," Quinn smiled, "classic."

Jake suddenly groaned and threw himself back into the pit, "I am so crippling-ly alone."

Will pat Jake's knee, "you can always join Quinn and I as a third, no sex, but we can cuddle."

"I'm okay, thanks," Jake sighed.

Will spun his attention to me, "I'm starting to like Brandon, it's cool that he rescheduled his flight her to spend time with you, can't say I'd do that for Quinn."

Quinn socked him in the arm, "you better!"

"We're always together though! We're literally never apart."

Quinn pouted.

"Okay, in theory I would reschedule my flight and put off Ronnie Vannucci-- and that's a bold statement."

"Aw, thank you," Quinn kissed Will on the cheek.

Jake groaned in response, "this house is gonna be occupied with couples, and I'm gonna be alone. Shame."

***^

Rain started to pour directly after Brandon texted that his plane landed. Of course, I wasn't surprised, this was Seattle after all. I just hoped he wasn't surprised.

The boys kept to themselves in that time in order to give Brandon and I our space, so I was left with my own thoughts, sitting in pure anxiety waiting for him to show up.

When I heard the door bell, my heart nearly shot out my ass.

I ran to the front door and flung it open, there stood Brandon under an umbrella, suitcase standing next to him. He broke out into a grin, eyes lighting up, and I genuinely couldn't believe I could get a man to look at me like that. He closed his umbrella and stepped in, which is when I threw myself around him. He giggled and I'll be damned if the vibrations of his chest from his soft little laughs wasn't the best feeling in the world.

"I missed you so much," I murmured into his coat.

"I missed you too," he breathed, kissing the top of my head.

When I finally let him go, he grabbed his suitcase and closed the door, giggling while doing so.

"Damn, Brandon, you really brought the sunshine to Seattle," I smiled.

He tilted his head a little, "I love you so much."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, "I love you."

****

We ended up in my bed, intertwined with each other as we caught up with what we missed in FaceTime calls.

"Remember the first time you were in this bed?" I sighed, mindlessly playing with his hands.

"Mmm, vaguely."

"You laid down, uninvited, sniffed my pillows and shit--"

"Well, when you say it like that it's weird."

"I'm not finished, your shirt rode up--"

"Here we go--"

"I'm not done! I could see your cute little tummy--"

"I don't have a cute little tummy--"

"Shut up-- and you do -- anyway, you turned on your stomach, sniffing my pillows--"

"I did not sniff your pillows--"

"Yeah, sure, anyway, I laid next to you, you rolled over so we were touching side-by-side and I swear to God, I lost my mind, my mind is still somewhere in this room and I haven't found it-- we locked eyes, and you know what you said? Tell me what you said."

He laughed, "no! I don't remember, just tell me."

"Guess."

"Just tell me!"

"You just said, 'hi', Brandon, I lost every last of my marbles!"

"Well -- yeah, what was I supposed to say? 'You're making me feel things I haven't felt in years, what the fuck?'"

"Then you said I was warm and started talking about your now ex."

He laughed again and kissed my head, "we had far too many exchanges like that as friends."

"They weren't a lot but they were too much-- that was the same day you found out I knew you jerked it to me."

"Oh God, that was horrifying. I was very much in denial. If only I knew where I'd end up-- that'd save us a lot of heartache."

"What would you have done if you knew?"

"Hm. I don't know, I think I would have just stopped at admitting that I had some sort of feelings for you the moment we met."

"Threw the whole Natalie away?"

"Threw the whole Natalie away." He took his hand away from me and adjusted into his side so his body faced me and he was able to wrap me in his arms. "This bed is much more comfortable when I'm invited."

I chuckled at him and in that moment, any complications that still remained between us didn't matter, we were just...there. Together.


	30. Chapter 30

I woke up the next morning Brandon gone from my side. In a slight panic, I hopped out of bed and ran downstairs--

Just to find Brandon sitting on the couch with Jake watching golf. I let out a heavy sigh of relief, which made Brandon look up at me. He smiled, "morning babe-- or should I say good afternoon."

I checked my phone for the time. It was indeed well past twelve. I sat in between him and Jake, "well, I just sleep so well with knowing you're here." Brandon chuckled in response and wrapped his arm around me, kissing me on the temple.

All three of us sat in silence watching the T.V. until I leaned over to Jake and whispered, "how are you doing this?"

He looked at me just as bewildered as I was, if not more, "I am, like, thirty minutes deep into an edible."

"We should go golfing one day, I think that'd be fun," Brandon said obliviously.

"No, no way, the boys would get high as hell and somehow we'd end up in a pond," I responded.

"What about mini golf? You can't be against mini golf, right? That's a classic pastime."

"Hmm, if it'd decrease the chances of anyone jumping into a pond."

"I mean, it depends on the course I guess-- is it that big of a concern?"

"I don't know, ask the pothead."

Brandon shifted his attention to Jake who was one blink away to a coma. "Huh?" He simply grunted. "Sorry, I think I took too much."

"If we went golfing, would you jump in a pond?" Brandon asked.

Jake laughed goofily, "yeah, probably, depends on what Will and Quinn do. If they jump, I jump."

Brandon shook his head in disappointment and turned back to the T.V.

"C'mon now," Jake continued, "don't tell me you wouldn't jump after Ronnie in a pond."

"Why would Ronnie be in a pond?" Brandon deadpanned, too focused on some dude taking a swing to care anymore.

Jake giggled, "I dunno, Will probably pushed him."

That made me laugh, which made Jake laugh harder, and soon we were both losing our shit.

Brandon sighed, "guys."

"Sorry, Brandon," I snickered, trying to contain my laughter.

"It wasn't even that funny," Jake heaved, in tears.

Brandon frowned and I pouted back, kissing him on the cheek. "Babe, I'm sorry that watching golf is boring, but I'd love to go on a mini golf date with you."

He smiled slightly, "really?"

"Yeah, especially if it was a double date with Will and Quinn-- featuring Jake."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "as long as they won't jump in a pond."

"They won't! They'll be too busy being cute."

"What am I doing during this date?" Jake murmured, half way into his coma again.

"Enjoying mini golf, hello."

"And I can't be high for it?"

"Not so high you end up in a pond?"

He paused, "okay maybe I can do that, maybe -- no promises."

****

Brandon and I along with Quinn and Will were on our first real double date featuring Jake at some mini golf course. "We should see which couple gets the best score," Brandon suggested after paying for our equipment.

"I literally have not once kept score playing mini golf," Will replied.

"It's easy, just count how many strokes it takes you to make it into each hole and whoever takes the least strokes has the better score," Brandon explained.

Will and Quinn giggled. "Strokes," Will said.

"Hole," Quinn echoed.

Brandon rolled his eyes, leaning against his golf club, "are you guys sure you didn't take anything."

Will raised his hands, "sober, 100 percent."

Quinn nodded, "same here. We're just like this."

Brandon sighed, "Did you at least get what I said?"

"Yeah, but we know you'll win," Will answered.

"Cmon, I'm not that great at mini golf."

"Bro, you watch golf for fun, you're definitely at least a little better than us."

"You can have Jake's score counted towards yours."

"And I'll have you know I'm a pro," Jake interjected, practicing his swings.

"And I'm shit, so I'll hinder him a little," I spoke.

Brandon turned towards me, "you can't be that bad."

"Trust me, it's gonna be ugly."

Brandon turned his attention back to Will and Quinn and shrugged, "well, what do you guys say?"

"Fine, as long as Emma's a shitty golfer and we get Jake's points, you're on, Flowers," Will said.

****

Three holes in and we found that our claims were right. I was garbage and Jake was actually quite decent, almost neck to neck with Brandon. I didn't want to care but I also didn't want to disappoint Brandon somehow.

"Ooh boy, shit's getting harder," Jake chuckled as we walked up to the fourth course. He placed his ball down at the designated spot and got into position.

"Don't mess this one uuup," Brandon sung.

Jake hushed him before lining himself up and eyeing the hole before finally hitting the ball. The ball stopped within a foot of the hole. Jake cheered and Will and Quinn gave their golf clap as they had been for the previous ones.

"Try to live up to that, Brandon," Jake smirked, swinging the club over his shoulder, nearly smacking my poor pro-golf boyfriend in the face.

Brandon snorted, "alright, alright, beginners luck." He placed his ball down and lined himself up then looked over at me and gave me his signature puppy eyes, "can I get some good luck?" He pursed his lips.

I rolled my eyes at his audacity to be cute at anytime, any place and we exchanged a quick peck.

I hate to admit that Brandon's intensity before making a swing did turn me on slightly. Every time he gazed across the course and finally took a swing, my breath slightly caught. This time was no different, except for the fact that he made a hole in one.

I cheered as Will and Quinn booed. Brandon simply grinned in Jake's direction.

"Okay, Flowers, that was kind of dope, but I know my sister will somehow get the ball into water and there isn't even water around her," Jake huffed.

"Hey now," Brandon said walking over to me, wrapping and arm around my shoulders, "maybe she just needs a little good luck."

Will took the next shot, hitting it half way to the hole, which he and Quinn celebrated.

"Okay clowns," I interrupted as they continued to cheer for Will's mediocre attempt, "it's time for the main act of the circus."

Will cleared the way, "be my guest."

I placed my ball down and sucked in a deep breath. Truthfully, all I had been doing was copying what either Brandon or Jake did. Either way, it was unnatural for me.

Before I was about to take the swing and be over with it, Brandon suddenly snuck up behind me and wrapped his abnormally large hands around mine. Yes, of course I had held his hand before plenty of time but in this case, where his hands were completely wrapped around mine, I was hit with the fact.

"That's cheating!" Jake exclaimed jabbing his club in our direction.

"No, it's just a little guidance," Brandon murmured, resting his chin on my head, "I can do this with you as well if you're that jealous."

I glanced up at Jake just to watch him blush at Brandon remark. He crossed his arms, "fine! Not that I want it, I just want to be fair."

"Oh to be so touch starved that you'd accept your sister's boyfriend's warmth," Will giggled.

Jake responded by striking Will in the back of the knee with his club, causing Will to crumple. I laughed as Quinn yanked him back up, threatening to do the same with Jake.

"Focus, Emma, focus," Brandon murmured in a deeper voice than I was comfortable enough hearing out in public.

"Excuse me, Brandon," I stammered.

"Shhh," he hushed in a whisper as he swung our hands.

"We're fucking putt-putt golfing, Brandon, I am not supposed to be a waterfall extension."

He laughed and I felt the vibrations of such radiate throughout myself. "I love you so much, please just focus for me."

I took a deep breath in and glanced between the golf ball and Brandon and I's hands. He once again slight swung us back and forth.

"Are you ready?" He mumbled.

"Yup," I responded, trying not to think about his deep voice.

"Okay, 3-2-1," he counted before taking control of the both of us and hitting the ball.

We did not make a hole in one, but we did make it closer than Will, which was more than I could ever ask.

"Great job!" Brandon grinned, unfortunately letting go of me. Oh how awful that I just couldn't wear him like a backpack.

I turned to face him, "Don't flatter me, I was just an extension of you."

"Alright, alright," Quinn groaned, "let me show you heteros how it's really done." He walked over to where we were and dropped his ball. As Brandon and I moved to the side, he gestured Will to come over.

"What is it?" Will asked obliviously.

"Get behind me," Quinn hissed.

"Well that's a first." Will obeyed and wrapped his arms around Quinn just as Brandon did. "This would have been a lot smoother if I were taller than you," he buried his face in Quinn's back, "you do smell nice, baby, I'm sure wherever we hit this ball, we're winning the whole thing."

Quinn rolled his eyes and without warning Will, took a swing at the ball.

"Ah! Hello? Brandon counted, sir!" Will whimpered.

Quinn laughed as the ball barely made it half way.

"What? Did we make a hole in one?" Will snickered, standing on his tippy-toes to look over Quinn's shoulder. His eyes widened at where the ball was, "well shit, didn't know I was dating fucking Tiger Woods."

They both burst out in giggles as they stepped away from each other. Jake groaned, bringing a hand up to his forehead, "This past 20 minutes has just been a disgusting reminder that I am alone." He walked up to his ball, still disgruntled.

"Wait!" Brandon called jogging up to Jake. "I am a man of my word."

Will, Quinn, and I absolutely lost it as we watched Brandon gleefully wrap his arms around Jake as he did me.

"If you mess up my shot, I'm taking you down," Jake grumbled.

"I won't," Brandon took it upon himself to rest his chin on Jake's head too, and at that point I had to snap a picture.

"Post that to the band's accounts," Will laughed, looking at the picture I took.

After a moment of Brandon and Jake quietly fighting each other, it looked as though Jake attempted to take a swing, which Brandon stopped.

"Fuck! Curse your insistence on staying buff as shit!" Jake groaned.

"Control and patience, Jake, it's all about control and patience, now swing with me," Brandon gently spoke, chin still on my brother's head.

Hesitantly, Jake allowed himself to swing in sync with Brandon. They hit the ball-- and made it in.

"There you go," Brandon smiled, still in the previous position.

Jake removed himself from under Brandon and gave him a look I've only ever seen him give Brandon before 2007 when he still lived in posters. Admiration? Frustration? I really couldn't tell.

Jake cleared his throat, "okay--maybe you were right."

Brandon giggled, "I can do that every time if you want."

"You're talking to the wrong Dexter."

****

At the last hole, everyone except for Brandon were a little tired of the game. At that point, Will and Quinn were just seeing how hard they could hit the ball without sending it flying. I couldn't tell if Jake still wanted to beat Brandon or if he was in the process of healing the wounds between them.

Me, I just found as many opportunities as possible for Brandon to wrap his arms around me and guide me in the deep voice that I still thought was a little too much for a public setting.

In the end, you wouldn't fucking believe it, both teams were tied.

"I didn't see that coming," Will said looking at the tallying sheet Brandon had been working on. "I thought that you and Emma would've won because you were basically golfing for the both of you."

"I thought for sure you guys were going to win because Jake was starting to catch up with me," Brandon shrugged.

"I think the real winners here were Quinn, Emma and I," Will sighed, wrapping his arms around Quinn and me.

****

"We should get something to eat, I'm starving," Jake suggested as we all got into the car.

"I could go for something to eat," Quinn spoke has he turned the car on.

"Yeah! Brandon's taken us out to eat twice and we haven't taken him out once," I said.

"What are you feeling, Brandon?" Quinn asked.

"I don't know, I guess I wanna go to your guy's favorite restaurant," Brandon replied softly.

"Ooh bitch! Y'all know where I wanna go," Quinn cheesed.

"Some place by the ocean I'll bet," Will grinned fondly.

"Love, you know I am Washington's biggest ocean endorser."

"We don't actually have a favorite restaurant," I explained, "all we know is that we like eating by the beach or simply at home."

****

That car ride is where we taught Brandon that we were not picky about much, but we were picky about our bodies of water.

"Brandon, the fact that Emma and I agreed to meet you on Lake Washington as it was about to pour is a huge compliment to you," Jake grumbled after arguing with Will that the Aiki beach was better than the beach by Pike's Place. "That mistake is excused, but being in favor of that tourist fuck-fest is inexcusable."

"Quinn and I had our first kiss there okay!" Will retorted, completely flustered.

"You what?!" Jake exclaimed.

"Pride 2014," Will cited.

"Is that where y'all disappeared, Emma and I thought y'all were dead."

"We just thought it was all too much and ran off to the beach and talked about struggling with our own sexualities and...we kissed."

Quinn chuckled, "the cat is out of the bag, I thought we ended our careers that day."

I couldn't help but gush for them, "guys, that's so sweet, what a cute first kiss."

"What wasn't cute was the way we pretended not to have feelings for each other when we both knew we were at least a little gay and a little gay for each other," Will huffed, "but I will always remember that kiss. It was nice."

"It was nice," Quinn repeated.

"Nice try, I'm not in love so that beautiful story is not going to persuade me," Jake scoffed.

"I'm driving us to Aiki anyway, I don't know why you guys are still arguing, I took the exit fifteen minutes ago."

****

We found ourselves at little burger shack along the beach and decided for the day, that would be the favorite restaurant.

"Ooh, sunset's in 30," Will pointed out after we ordered.

"Burgers by the beach, bitch!" Jake exclaimed.

Brandon giggled and tried to nonchalantly pay for our food. Jake responded by grabbing his wrist and handing the cashier his card instead. "I've eaten plenty off your card," he grinned.

"Well, not really, they were buffets-- truthfully, you've always saved me money."

Jake got his card back, signed the receipt and glared at Brandon. Slowly we grabbed our food and got out of line, waiting for any response from him.

"Fuck you! You're right!" Jake exclaimed as soon as we got outside. "Shit! I'm such a dumbass, I saved you money and let you bang my sister, I'm a beta male!"

We all laughed. "Aw, Jacob, to be fair none of us realized that either," I snickered, wrapping my arm around him.

"We are a band of beta males," Jake sighed.

"I'm an alpha, asshole," I said.

"Oh my God, you are, you're literally the leader of our pack, oh my God, I hate it here."

****

The Paper Airplanes featuring Brandon found a spot in the sand to watch the ocean as we ate. Brandon somehow managed to wrap his arm around me and hold me close while eating a burger with his other hand, an unfortunately attractive sight.

"I'll admit, a burger by the beach is not something I could get in Vegas," Brandon spoke.

"You know what you can get though? A burger that costs 18 dollars which you'll throw up over a club balcony," Jake murmured around his burger.

"You payed 18 dollars for a burger just to throw it up?" Brandon repeated, flabbergasted.

"Yeah man, you gotta do what you gotta do."

Brandon shook his head, "maybe it's best you guys live here."

Jake scoffed, "you can say that again."

The boys scarfed down their food in relative silence and then just admired our surroundings. "You guys wanna toss our shit and get closer to the water?" Will asked as the sun began setting.

"You read my mind, it's not a beach trip until we toss a couple rocks into the water," Quinn responded.

"I wanna come," Jake simply blubbered.

The three stood up. "Do you guys want to join?" Will paused to ask.

"I'm not even done with this fucking burger yet," I replied.

"It's not our fault you're slow as hell,"

"You guys should just go ahead, we'll just stay up here until Emma's done," Brandon chuckled.

They did not hesitate to take his word for it and began heading to the nearest waste bin. Brandon shifted his attention to me, just watching me chow down. "It's weird that you eat your fries before the burger," he pointed out. It was true, I did eat my fries before the burger.

I shrugged, "I just don't really like burgers."

"Don't you save the best for last?"

"Nope-- actually, do you want the rest of this?"  
I held the quarter of the burger I had left up to his mouth. He looked down at it for a while before taking it into his mouth. Watching the sunset on the beach feeding Brandon Flowers a burger was not something I thought of in my life.

He chewed and swallowed the burger, covered his mouth with a fist to let out a slight burp, wrapped an arm around me, pulled me closer, and continued the conversation, "how often do you guys do stuff like this? The Killers only do stuff like this when we're touring."

"Ah, probably like once every three months, just to remind ourselves that we actually enjoy each other's company."

Brandon slowly rested his head on my shoulder, "you know, I could see myself live here."

"Whoa, big compliments from Las Vegas's husband himself."

He giggled, "I couldn't marry Vegas, he's a man-- and he's not you."

"Are we gendering Vegas? First of all, she's a woman, second of all, that's very sweet, third of all, could you really see yourself leave Vegas?"

"I think so, I'm starting to think that maybe home-- maybe home isn't necessarily Vegas, not necessarily a place-- maybe home -- maybe home is a person," his voice softened as he trailed off, "maybe you're home."

My heart swelled, and it wasn't the burger clogging something. I pressed a long kiss to the top of his head before responding, "I'm so in love with you."

"I'm so in love with you," he paused. "It's this-- it's stuff like how you let me hold you whenever, that just makes me feel so safe, like you built a home for me."

I placed more kisses on his head, making him giggle. "Okay, okay," he protested, "I see the boys tossing rocks around and I'm getting jealous, we should head down there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest chapter I've ever written in my life and it's literally just mini golf for 2,000 words. I've submitted essays shorter than this. If you read it all, thanks for sticking around.


	31. Chapter 31

Brandon and I headed up to my room when we all returned home, tired but quite content and happy. He collapsed onto my bed as soon as he stepped near it.

"Did you enjoy your day?" I asked, softly smiling at him.

"Yeah," he spoke, grabbing onto a pillow and rolling onto his back so he could look up at me. "I've never had more sand in my boots, but I loved every part of this day."

I crawled on top of him and pressed my forehead against his, so full of love for him I could have just stayed like that the whole night-- or forever. Instead, he kissed me. We exchanged tired gentle kisses, almost as if we could fall asleep any moment.

"Emma, I need to take a shower," he murmured in between a kiss.

"Ugh, same," I grunted.

He chuckled, "are you implying something?"

"I mean, if you asked me that, like, three hours earlier I would have said yes, I am implying we should do it in the shower but I think I'd pass out right now if we did anything more physically demanding than kissing -- but I am implying that I am a strong advocate of saving water and being with my boyfriend at all times."

He laughed, "okay, so what you're saying is, we should shower together completely non-sexually because you want to be with me?"

"And I want to save water."

"You're so cute, I'm okay with that."

"Really?"

"Yes, I don't see why not."

We quickly kissed once again before getting up and heading to the bathroom, where we actually kept our word on being non-sexual.

Some of my favorite things about taking a non-sexual shower with Brandon Flowers include: him figuring out how to use our shower; him finding out which shampoo was mine between Jake and I's. "Well, neither of them are gender specific and, I might be biased, but yours smells better," he said; how he massaged the soap out my hair; his many compliments on my hair; how he kissed me on the forehead while I was reaching up and washing his hair; and literally everything about it. I was falling out of the sky in love with him.

By the time we got out we were both so sleepy, we were just giggling at each other. Before he grabbed his own towel, he wrapped one around me, and I had to pause completely just to feel the warmth his presented me and the butterflies I was feeling. Behind me, he dried his hair as much as he could with the towel before wiping his body off before just wrapping the towel around his waist.

"Are you okay?" He whispered in my ear as he reached around me for his toothbrush.

"Yeah," I blinked, snapping out of my trance on him.

"You sure? You spaced out for a second." He put toothpaste on his brush and stuck in his mouth.

"Yes, yes of course, I was just thinking about -- how much I like it here with you." Which was a strange thing to say to a man who was just brushing his teeth.

He gave me a toothpaste filled smile before spitting into the sink, washing it down and kissing me on the cheek. "I love you, see you in bed," he said softly before leaving the bathroom.

With that, I was able to proceed with my nightly routine. I just added thinking about my boyfriend to it.

****

The lights were out when I got back to my room, so I assumed by the still lump in my bed that Brandon had already fallen asleep. I changed in my sleepwear before slowly crawling under the covers next to him.

"Emma," he mumbled.

"Ah! Sorry, did I wake you?" I whispered softly.

"No, I was waiting for you."

I turned to my side so I faced him and wiggled closer to him, adjusting my eyes to the darkness, I saw that he was just staring at me with his big puppy eyes, blanket cutely pulled up over his mouth.

"Hi," I breathed.

I could see him grin even if it was just through his eyes in the darkness. He draped an arm around me, "today was wonderful."

"It was," I pulled the blanket down to see his whole face.

"I-I don't know it's weird, I used to always have this feeling that things will go wrong as soon as the date's over and everyone else around us goes away-- but I don't feel like that with you. I just feel loved all the time."

I pouted at him, "Aw, Brandon-- you deserve to be loved all the time. Even if there wasn't a date-- even when days are kind of shit, you should always feel loved."

He pulled himself against me so his head was buried between my shoulder and chest. "You're my favorite person, Emma. Thank you for building me a home."

I could have cried he was so cute, "I love you."

"I love you too."

I played with his hair for a bit until he was asleep. Then I too fell asleep to his gentle breathing patterns.

****

I woke up to the daylight and Brandon on top of me, forehead against mine. "Good morning," he grinned, his teeth brighter than the fucking sun.

"Hey, Brandon," I murmured sleepily, subconsciously wrapping my arms around him as if I could somehow pull him back into the same sleepy state I was in.

"Get up, I made us breakfast."

"Really?"

"Yeah, hurry before the boys eat it all up." He pulled himself out of my arms and off our bed. I silently watched him as he disappeared out the room, trying to process that my life was the way it was.

Really, how did my life go from waking up alone in my bed, checking to see if Brandon had texted me, to waking up to see Brandon's sunshine smile directly into my face?Unbelievable.

Eventually, I managed to crawl out of bed and head downstairs where the boys were sat at the dining table gobbling down various breakfast foods. I appreciated the normalcy before sitting down next to Jake just across from Will and Quinn.

"Brandon really made all this?" I asked Jake.

"Unfortunately, yeah," Jake shrugged.

"What do you mean 'unfortunately'?"

"I feel like I owe him something."

I didn't know how to respond to such a statement and decided to pretend it didn't exist before making myself a plate.

Brandon eventually appeared from the kitchen and sat next to me. "Everyone enjoying everything?"

We all mumbled something in agreement. He snuck an arm around my waist and leaned into me, "are you enjoying everything?"

"Of course, baby, this is so nice of you."

"Good, this is, after all, all I know how to make."

****

I found myself in the ballpit with Will after breakfast somehow. I left Brandon to argue with Jake over golf and their differences in creating music. Will left Quinn to be the middle ground.

"Emma," Will breathed, listening to the sound of Jake calling Brandon "corny" and Brandon whining about it, "how did we get here?"

"No clue," I chuckled.

"When I kissed Quinn at pride, that shit was so crazy, I thought it was the end of us and then when we turned up to Brandon's failed wedding, I thought that shit was the peak of crazy, surely we'd have to take a long break after that, then when we let him stay here and he ended up leaving in the middle of the night, I don't know how we kept going, when you hooked up with him, I thought we were definitely going to reach our end-- when the pictures of Quinn and I leaked, thought we were dead for sure—"

"Will, do you have a point?"

"My point is, we kept going, the world kept spinning and it never paused no matter how fucking bizarre shit got, and that's crazy to me."

"How much pot have you had?"

"Zero, that's why I'm thinking-- anyway," Will sat up, so I sat up with him. He seemed to have something on his mind that was making him nervous.

"What is it, Will?"

He smiled a bit, "things are the best it's ever been, it's moments like this that make all the times I think the world is going to pause worth it and I--I just think--" he inhaled sharply, "--I wanna, like, marry Quinn," he buried his face in his hands, "it doesn't make any sense, I'd wanna marry Quinn now regardless, but now seems like the perfect time, like, ride the high and shit."

"Holy fuck," was all I thought to say.

He looked at me, "it's crazy, isn't it? I know that you and Jake are my soulmates too, I'll always want you guys around but Quinn--I can't explain it. It's like we're connected, I don't know if I even have a fucking soul but if I did it must be connected to his. Legally married or not."

I could have fucking sobbed, all I could do was tear up and stare at him. Eventually, I just took him in my arms. "I'm so happy for you, you both deserve the world."

"Emma, don't make me misty, c'mon."

I let go of him, "so how are you gonna do it? Are you gonna do something big or are you just going to take him to the courthouse?"

He grinned, "I've always secretly had a plan-- I wanna take him back to that beach we first kissed at, it just seems obvious."

"When?"

"Soon, as soon as possible, and I want you and Jake to be there, Brandon too. That'd be perfect-- and I never thought I'd get a perfect proposal."


End file.
